I went on a date with a guy from here. We had a really great time and he seemed very eager to go on a second date. That second date never happened nor have I heard from him again. I keep going over and over in my head what went wrong but nothing went wrong. Is he just not into me? Does anyone else hate not knowing what happened?
I like the advice in the book, The Rules, given especially for women with strong male traits, who tend to chase after men, can act needy on dates, and who typically worry about what men think of them, etc.
Your job is let the men be the ones who worry. Let men be the predators; you only react to the ones chasing YOU.
Otherwise, it's "Next!"
No. He's not into you. It was only one date. No big emotional investment. "Just keep swimming swimming swimming. Just keep swimming swimming swimming". 'Sides, as you meet people, you'll not "be into" everyone you'll meet. Doesn't mean you're not good enough. Doesn't mean they're not good enough. Just means there was not a mutual romantic or emotional connection. shrug . Move on and keep on and just keep swimming.
Very swimmingly put! Bravo!
It's never you, if they disappear, it's them, their loss. I've heard of people just ghosting others, as in, never replying again and just disappearing. It's as if they can't face truths and just be honest. He may very well have a genuine reason. I wouldn't sit on it too long. Keep an open mind and maybe set a time to start dating again. Good luck!
Well, "it's never you" is not always the case. If a man doesn't call back because the lady he invited eats with her mouth open....you can bet """it's you"" applies all the way.
Are you sure God didn't strike him down with a bolt of lightning? That's been known to happen to people like us, you know.
LOL
Now, I'm no expert or nothin', but it sounds to me like a case of 'alien abduction'. Yep. Classic case. Or he's an ass.
LOL I think it's more of the "he's an ass".
@SonderOpia I was looking at door number 2 mighty closely as well...but I never want to rule out aliens...hehe
It's always interesting how we end up thinking like that: "what went wrong? " or "What did I do?" The thing is that necessarily something went wrong. Sometimes you need that "click" to keep going and it doesn't happen the same way for everybody. Maybe he's looking for something different and probably in the second date you would've found out that you wanted something different as well. You just don't worry about it. Keep going, keep being fabulous...
Absolutely spot on!!!!
He might not be interested, in which case nothing went wrong, he just didn't feel the same chemistry you did; but, on the other hand, he might have done and is waiting for you to make the next move so he can know you're interested.
Of course, if he's on this site it's easy enough to know if his phone died or something just by looking to see if he's still active on here. And if he is, chances are he'll see this post so, if he is interested he now knows you are too.
I did call and I did let him know my feelings.
There's a chiropractor I've been seeing not seeing every now and then. Out of nowhere he will come over for dinner or I'll go over there or we will go to the dinner theater, he'll text me "thanks for a wonderful time" complete with smile emoji, and then I won't hear from him for a month or so and then we will do it again. It's pretty nice for the giving me space and not being clingy but at some point I've given up that we would have a relationship. He's married to his work, and that's fine, and I'm not going to push. (I'm starting to think he's gay, but like, a subtle gay that he doesn't even really realize?) Either way I know he's not interested in a relationship with me and so it's whatever. I've set my sights on the new ER doctor anyway
Best part of being single is this right here. No pressure, no guilt, just "thanks for the date oh HELLO hot guy" lol. Don't beat yourself up trying to figure out what you did or what he thinks. Just pop it out of neutral and keep cruising, man. The right dude won't leave you wondering.
@jorj 1) your dismissive and blatant disrespect towards sexual assault victims irritates me.
2) it isn't because of his level of pursuit it's an observation based on attitude, personality, and how he holds himself. It isn't always accurate, but yes, I think he might just be gay or asexual or unknown. There is nothing wrong with that.
Back to 1) again because I am a heavily opinionated person who can't let shit go.
If you can't tell the difference between a appropriate and sexual harassment then the problem lies with you. I know many men that DO in fact know the line and respect it. To sit there an claim "we are afraid to talk to you incase we end up like Harvey" is just a sexist excuse to dismiss and belittle women for standing up and saying we are sick of your shut while at the same time still refusing to take responsibility. Men who do this piss me off because basically you're saying you want the RIGHT to make women as uncomfortable as you want, and be as big of an asshole as you want, without reprocussions, because you feel entitled.
@jorj and I believe you have brought up these pathetic attacks on "me too" multiple times and I am getting pretty sick of it.
I get it, but it doesn't matter why he went away so stop torturing yourself. At this point, unless he's been in the hospital, you really shouldn't have anything more to do with him. This ghosting would only happen again.
Some people just don't have the courage to be honest. I received a lovely message from a woman after our date. In it, she said she was sorry, but she didn't feel anything romantic for me. I really appreciated her telling me that.
She has character. Thumbs up emoji.
Why worry about it? Human are complicated creatures there could be a million reasons, want to spend your time thinking about them all or do you just want to get on with your life?
I had that same problem with someone I meet on here. But she like at first but change her mind. I was thinking is it my look or did I say something wrong. And I really really liked her. Some part of me still do. But we are friend now. Believe you me it hard to hear that she goes on dates and I'm just like that should be.
He is out of order but he isnt in to you. just keep on moving on as most people are assholes most of the time and all people are sometimes
I think we all hate not knowing. I would contact him once more only. But do brace yourself that he could not be into it all
Don't trouble yourself too much over it. People are weird, and sometimes they say things they don't mean to avoid hurting another person's feelings. Perhaps he wasn't feeling it but didn't feel comfortable being honest. Onto the next one, I say.
It's not that either one of you are right or wrong, good as a date or bad as a date, good at sex or bad at sex. It's all about compatability and everyone is looking for something different. You have no reason to fret or feel bad. He simply may have been looking for something different. That is no reflection on your value as a person. He, on the other hand could have been a little more up front. But, it's a free world. He has a right to be as he chooses. Maybe he wasn't really what you were looking for.
Absolutely!
And, for me, if somebody shows me that part of their character this early in the game, there is no way we are going to be a match.
Yes, he's just not into you. Quit over-analyzing. Men are very simple creatures
How convenient for them.
I agree completely with your first two sentences.
There are no excuses.
No broken phones.
No busy lives.
No wishy washy feelings.
When a man IS into a woman -- date her, have sex with her, love her -- NOTHING will stop him. Simple biology.
I do not believe making excuses, giving more chances, etc. is in the best interest of the person being ghosted.
Keep your dignity in tact and cross that loser off the list.
In my opinion.
I had that happen once, and questioned my instincts ... So I waited a few days, heard nothing , and sent a freindly email. " Hi, had a good tme the other day - and thought you did too - but perhaps not ? In any event, I wish you well ".
Heard back several days later - he called from the hospital, after having been in a car crash the night we had dated ! He was banged up , but mostly ok. I know 'cause I visited. We went out anouther couple months, and then went our separate ways. So, ya just never know ...
It's called ghosting and it happens a lot. I hate it. I wish people were honest and just would say thanks but no thanks or whatever. It's a frustrating experience for sure. I'd let the idea of him being into you go. He's probably just fucking around anyway.