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Adjusting to new family traditions. What did you experience?

"Call me when you get there," my ex-husband's mother insisted. "Call when you get home."

Whether we drove an hour or flew across the country, Terry always had to check in with his mother upon arrival. To me, this was overly possessive and controlling.

My parents were more relaxed. "We'll find out about the plane crash the next day in the news," was their attitude.

"Call me when you get there," my daughter says now. Dammit. There's no escape.

LiterateHiker 9 June 29
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16 comments

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2

My family has always been like this, but I genuinely think it's more about them knowing I arrived to my destination safely as opposed to being possessive. However, saying something about hearing about a plane crash or something negative isn't really necessary to say. That's just being pessimistic. I do sometimes ask people I care about to let me know that they arrived to their destination safely, but I don't get mad if they don't. I generally just assume they made it safely if I don't hear from them.

0

Never experienced that growign up. It was more like "let me know where you're going to be". and soemtiems "be home by..."

1

I forget to text when I get home >90% of the time. I appreciate when my family let's me know, but never worry if they don't.

3

I have never had a problem with that one. If it makes them rest easier, that is fine with me. A text can do it also.

2

I think your daughter is just cares about you, while your ex mother in law was overprotective.

@Jolanta

Good point. Agreed.

1

In the oilfield, this is known as “safe journey management “ - getting to and from the job site is the most dangerous part of the day. It’s not a bad idea, but it feels a bit like being micro managed - which isn’t fun:/

1

Go with the flow! My family is a mixture - some of them are really surprised if I tell them I arrived safely, some of them panic if I don't get in touch immediately. We have a family WhatsApp group so I just put a message on that.

1

I can't say that I was ever asked to do that, I just did it because I care about my significant others.

1

I always tell them that they'll hear about any crash or issue I'm involved in long before I can call them, and that if anything eventful in the trip does happen I'll call them.

But for insistent ones I always detour and make sure I get home much later than expected, and tell them all about dinner, the stores I went to, the park, whatever I choose to do besides going straight home.

1of5 Level 8 June 29, 2019
4

My SO and I check in with each other when one of us is away. Just a simple text message is enough. Sometimes friends might ask me to text them when I get home from an outing until late at night because it's usually a long drive for me on pretty much isolated highways. Most of the time people just get updates from me on Facebook and they are content. LOL. As for family traditions in general, I can't stand any traditions of any kind. I just don't participate but everyone knows I'm anti-social anyhow.

1

What we resist persists. just change the meaning you made up about it. That's what I do. Nice they care you get home safely.

1

It can be very irritating, The first thing i want to do when I get home is wash the road off of me. Next see if there is anything to eat, then just veg for a little while , then catch up on all the things that still need to be done around the house.

Me too. I have had friends say this often. But I lived 75 miles from my work and friends, driving from Miami to the Keys. I knew I would forget, so said if I forget don't hesitate th o call to check I got home.

@gigihein My problem is that I maintain a very flexible schedule, if I see something that I want to take a look at, I may stop, I may not. Depending on how I feel, my drive day may end at noon or 7am , or anytime in between. I travel 20-25,000 miles a year, much of it by car. My last trip to las Vegas the flight was 12 hours, finally getting in Vegas at 1 AM their time or 3 back home. I'm not going to call anyone at 3am to tell them I'm OK, if I call you at 3am, it will be bad news.

@glennlab That goes without saying. I tell people I within forget and do. I just do t get annoyed at sk.eo e asking

Interesting. I’m wondering if it’s a male/female thing? If I breakdown somewhere, I’m going to be extra vigilant about who stops to “help” me. Yes I know, bad things happen to men as well. But let’s face it, a woman stranded alone on a road at night (hell, broad daylight for that matter) is significantly more apt to get assaulted than a man.

On that note, if I’ve traveled to meet someone for a date and he doesn’t ask me to text him to let him know I got home safely? That guy loses major points in my book! Then again I’m a nurturer and a worrier.

2

I'm definitely an "in the news" type, I only ever do check-ins when maybe a little too much time was spent at the bar

2

We were always away, my husband and I, and out of reach for weeks sometimes, in the days prior to mobile phones. When my mother was alive I would have phoned when I arrived home again from an overseas trip, but never whilst abroad. My own sons went off to university in England armed with phone cards to use in public phone boxes to phone home, but the calls were only spasmodic, I didn’t worry about not hearing from them in the least. I think this being in constant touch by phone or text is a relatively new thing since the invention of the cellphone that everyone now carries. I’m a bit of a dinosaur and don’t really feel the need to use my cellphone constantly and may or may not have it even charged up or with me! I do usually let my son know when I’m going to be away and ring him when I return home....just as a courtesy in case he may be worried.

I am not a worrier either. I never ask people to call, I assume their safe return. I do always say I love them. My children do to.

1

There could have been bandits on the road back to your castle.

1

Always been that way with my family - even if only driving a few miles - they would all go ape shit when I went abroad and could be out of contact for weeks

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