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Does a good relationship require 100% honesty?

Thinking points:

Do you think it's important to be honest in everything when in a relationship?

Or, are there somethings you should keep to yourself?

Can dishonesty protect someone?

Can there be real love while hiding some of your deepest inner thoughts?

  • 24 votes
  • 42 votes
  • 11 votes
  • 7 votes
silvereyes 8 Nov 13
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24 comments

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14

Honesty shouldn't be confused with privacy. I believe it is necessary to try and be as honest as possible. With an open communication, honesty should be expected. Privacy is completely different. Your thoughts are your thoughts. You can explain them as best you can, but the other person will never get the whole truth. Honesty is an action and truth is a concept.

I appreciate the way you differentiated honesty, privacy and truth. Very helpful. Thanks.

11

I think we're all entitled to the privacy of our own minds.

Do you see honesty and privacy to be the same thing?

Two sides of the same coin, perhaps, but basically I'm saying that some things are nobody's business and, even if asked point blank about an opinion, it's not necessarily anything that warrants a candid answer.

8

There is a difference between honesty and withholding.

Do NOT lie to me.
But feel free to not tell me something. I’m not going to tell you everything.

7

I don't think anyone is capable of 100% honesty with themselves, let alone another person. With that in mind, trying to be honest as much as you can is usually best.

Orly Level 5 Nov 14, 2017
7

I'm too honest to answer this. It would melt your puny brains.

6

It is impossible to know everything about another person and, I think, it would be rather dull if you did. After 16 years of marriage I found and am still finding out things about my late partner I didn't know. Mostly they are day to day activities but sometimes something comes out that was there in plain sight but took some reflections to see them. For instance her motto was: 'Discipline first then love'. She said this all the time and I thought it meant to her kids and her elementary students. After the way she faced her death I realized it applied to herself as well.

6

You can only get to really know a person if they are honest with you 100% of the time.

if you think "the little things don't natter", you better be damned sure that both of you think the same things are "little things". It may seem small to you, but seem huge to someone else. With 100% honesty, that seldom ever become a problem.

Everyone has differences of opinion, but to lie to someone you care about will feel like a betrayal if they don't think it was a little thing, as you supposed it was.

6

I voted other, because there are always things we keep to ourselves. One hundred percent honesty is never good for a relationship. Example: Your wife asks you "does this dress make me look fat" and you answer the truth, "no but your ass does". Good luck with that one.
We all tell little lies all the time to protect the feelings of others.

I don't agree with telling lies to protect feelings.

6

I was married for 17 years and we dated for three before that. I can tell you that there are dogs best left sleeping. Once you poke that dog the relentless bickering and nagging will be there FOREVER!!!! And, beware of entrapment, the most innocent sounding questions are the loaded AK-47s in any relationship. My advice: ADMIT NOTHING. DENY EVERYTHING. MAKE COUNTER-ACCUSATIONS and if need be . . . draw first blood . . . oh, and always have the best lawyers on retainer!!!

Damn... I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who used entrapment tactics anyway.

Lol!

CaptainAwesome, your comment has me crackin' up. I definitely understand why you feel that way from my own experience. Thanks for sharing the way you did. Helpful to hear, even when I don't completely agree...

5

Hell no. 100% honesty sounds like a good way to not have a relationship. Certain things shouldn't be said.

5

It would be really, really nice to have the ability to be completely honest with another person. The truth is, however, that people don't want to hear the truth. Instead of honesty, most people want bland, placating verbal affirmations of what they already believe. Telling them the truth usually ends in some sort of emotional tirade that doesn't change the situation, make the truth-bearer feel any differently, or strengthen the relationship. We all know what the other wants to hear. We tell them exactly that when we want to keep the peace.

Crackin' up. Yeah! It is funny and true in many instances.

5

I don't think anyone is capable of being 100% honest all the time.

4

I have a question on this: what is the difference between honesty and revealing? A former partner was an alcoholic and I was unaware for 5 years. When I asked her she said yes (and things then got really bad because there was no longer a need to hide the affliction).

4

It really depends on the situation and if it's relevant to the relationship or something that happened before you met. Other than that 100% honesty is the key!

4

I guess when it matters...but why not be 100% honest?

4

I would like to date someone I can be totally honest with.
But that means a woman who wants an honest answer to - "Is she more attractive than me?" or "Do you want to have sex with that stranger?"
Plus, there are surprise parties and doing little things for them without telling them.

Allan Level 5 Nov 13, 2017
3

I think it is best to be 100% honest with yourself and 100% honest with others when asked and no deception. People usually won't ask the questions they don't want answers to.

3

I'm totally honest to a fault. I'm trying to be less so as I find other people don't actually appreciate too much honesty. I naturally can't stand liars and have an excellent bs detector but when you get to a certain age there's too much to tell and you might put someone off by making a list of all your past mistakes. Doesn't mean that you are hiding anything but some things are just not relevant.

3

I was told once by a psychiatrist helping my wife and I, "Your fantasies are compatible with everyone." If it's something you did and you are absolutely sure you will do everything in your power so it won't happen again, I say you don't have to divulge that. NOW, if you have a serious problem that will affect the relationship if it would come out later, then definitely, at the right time and setting discuss it.

2

Honest commitment is important, but most thoughts should probably stay as such.

Marz Level 7 Nov 22, 2017
2

Societies might fall apart or move much more slowly if they were 100% honest with each other. Unfortunately people do have feelings and bear grudges towards others. Is that a reason not to tell the truth 100% of the time?

1

Absolutely

0

98% honest, there may always be something that are better not confided.

0

Honesty is the only policy. If you are dishonest about anything or try to hide something from me and I find out that trust is gone permanently.

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