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I need to understand why I choose to be with the same man; emotionally unavailable, usually struggling with "something', someone who "needs fixing". I am aware of who I am and what I need, but I must be looking in all the wrong places. What am I putting out that makes me so attractive to someone who does not want to rock on the porch for the last thirty years? I seem to attract men who do not want to spend time traveling, exploring, laughing, dancing, listening to music, making love (well most enjoy that part), being a family or spontaneously looking for a new adventure! I want peace, love and to feel the joy of total content. Im not really expecting any answers, but incase you know, please tell me.

Althea 4 Mar 19

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Thank you for a wonderful post. It is as interesting and genuine as anything I have seen on FB. I hope things work out for you in the near future.


I'm sure you're a lovely woman and you probably attract ALL kinds of men. What you need to be asking yourself is why you choose the ones that you do.
Anyone can come knock on my door but i get to choose who I let in. Why do you settle for less than what you want?
You've got to make YOUR good life happen. If you find someone that can share it with you, that's great. If not, at least you didn't wait around 🙂


Become one of those people who is perfectly happy being alone. Only then will you begin to attract people who want to be with you and who will respect you. In other words, we attract the type of people who will treat us as we believe we need to be treated.


Ifeel the same and seem to get the same kind of women. Ithink most men just want to watch tv and scratch there balls and have you under the thumb if the truth be told while they do what the fuck they like.


I've seen people do this, do this, do this......get the idea? Find someone--therapist, good listener friend, etc.--with you whom you can talk freely. Talk, talk, talk and listen to yourself. I suspect you'll discover what you need to know.


We attract people who match our own vibrations, and self-perceptions. That's why women are constantly advised to love themselves and be emotionally independent before dating.

As for men who like to do the things you named, those are female characteristics. Most cis, hetero men I know only want to go to work, come home, and are non-intellectual. However, the intelligent, fit men are typically ones with more female traits since high creativity and high IQ are associated with being androgyne.

For example, my ex was the PERFECT mate, who did all those things and much more, but he recently came out as nonbinary female, so that explains that.


Years ago I read an article about men and women in a Cosmo or one of those magazines that had a line that said men need to be loved and women need to be needed. I'm sure it doesn't apply to everyone, but it might fit you. Only you know that.


I identified a "Jesus complex" in myself; I wanted to save people. I think I figured on some level that people who I saved would be grateful / appreciative and loyal (and let's face it, obligated), etc. In point of fact, people who get rescued appreciate it for five minutes and then just resent it in spite of themselves because, voila! You've just infantalized them.

Of course it's confusing because they seem to WANT help / comfort / whatever, but I think subconsciously they don't; they need to do for themselves.

I have had much better luck confining myself to people who have their own shit together or at least don't put their shit on me. My wife is great that way, drives her own personal growth, once in awhile she asks for and gets my input but she's her own person. I have found that to be just as hard to find in women as you're finding it to be in men, but ... it's out there.


Self Reflection, Especially look at your early childhood (Can be anything from relationships with parents, adults, classmates, siblings and doesn't need to be abuse to be relavant). So a Therapist can be very helpful. I tend to be a Rescuer/Fixer so know the struggle. I have a tendancy to attract the wrong ones and push away the right ones, but I think I am getting better. In the mean time I choose to be single, but still have an open mind.


Think we are all hiding out on top of a mountian. Well one of is anyway lol.


You are sabotaging yourself. An inner child class helped me see I sought out alcoholics/drug addicts. NINE YEARS ago I ended that cycle.

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