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Why is it a faux pas to speak ill of the dead?

Recently I found out that someone I knew had died. I mentioned this person was a jackass, and suddenly I'm the asshole for speaking ill of the dead. This person was a jackass by several measurable standards. Am I supposed to ignore who they were when they were alive because they have now passed?

ScubaWags 7 Sep 20
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14 comments

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0

I was about to ask this same question and then I saw yours. I will speak ill of the dead, but I do preface it face by saying, "Not to speak ill of the dead, but such and such did this terrible thing. I was wondering whether or not, this is a thing other atheist/agnostics do. In my case, perhaps, my apprehension to speak ill of the dead without the preface is a result of left over residue from my past religious indoctrination. Also, people I do it to have other redeemable qualities that allow me to have respect for them even after death

0

When my maternal grandmother died, I was shocked by all the nice things people said about her. Most of the people in the small town were frightened of her and she wasn't a very nice person. During the eulogy I almost got up to make sure I was at the right funeral.

1

Nope asshole is a asshole

bobwjr Level 10 Sep 22, 2019
2

Nothing wrong with it in my book . I am the type of asshole that actually has no problem saying " I hope he / she dies " for many that are alive still .

1

No. It is wrong to speak falsely of the dead.

0

I wonder if this is a learned or inherited behavior. It may go way back to tribal times when humans didn't really understand death, why the Sun revolves, and why the wind blows. I am sure most everyone has considered that many of our behaviors are determined by our brains that have evolved for millions of years. By Natural Selection, our brains evolved for survival on the African Serengeti, not the modern world in which we live.

2

Because they might not rest easy and may come back to haunt you
BoogaBoogaBoogaBoooo

Some one stoopid enough to believe in heaven and hell has no problem believing in vengeful ghosts listening to your private conversations.

4

I have no problem speaking ill of the living, the comatose, or the dead.

3

I would not say anything in front of children, spouses, or anyone else who might be hurt; but, in the right company, I think it is perfectly fine to speak the truth about a dead person who was a jerk, or worse.

That's my thoughts exactly.

The deceased person died in a terrible workplace accident that made the news in at least the state of Michigan, but probably beyond. I worked with the individual. One of my cousins -who didn't know the deceased- called me to see if I was OK, and to get the inside scoop. I explained that I wasn't close to my coworker because they were a jackass. That's when my cousin basically told me I'm an ass for speaking ill of my coworker

@ScubaWags . I just don't get that mentality. It isn't like death was wished upon that person (well, in some cases it might be). But, to deny who they were in life just because they have died? I just don't see it.

When I went to the funeral of an aunt who passed away a few years ago, I could not help but think of all the horrible things she did while everyone was singing her praises. She was not all bad--but she was greedy and selfish and I caught her abusing my grandmother (her mother) who had dementia. I didn't say anything at the funeral and I won't to her kids; but, I have said things to other family members about how horrible she could be. But, according to them she is in heaven now with Jesus, and the mother she abused; and I am in jeopardy of going to hell.

2

This post reminded me of a family memory. My aunt married an idiot pervert. When I was ten he kept pinching me in the wrong places until I got a butcher knife after him. I doubt that I would ever have used it but fortunately he thought I would.

He often drank and drove. First wreck,my aunt was in the hospital in a coma for six months,two children had major broken bones, one child lost his spleen and one daughter was never able to have children because of the wreck. 6 years later his mother was killed in a car wreck but at least he lost part of his arm in that one.

When he died of a heart attack, my family and I went to Texas for the funeral. All the way down there I told my husband and children that I felt he was not a very nice human being but I loved my aunt dearly and I wanted to pay my respects to her and offer any comfort I could.

I had spent several summers down there and his family was always very nice to me. After the funeral at the church meal, one of the cousins joined us and I commented that I thought my aunt was one of the sweetest human beings I had ever known. The cousin of the deceased immediately responded with" if Homer had been half the man she was a woman things would have been much better for everyone." That statement definitely ended any concern I had about my feelings for the deceased. Yes some people do deserve to be talked about with total disgust after they're dead.

Jesus, that's awful.

4

Because the reviled dead ancestor will cause unrest. Best to leave them in peace.

Sorry, I know I'm being vague, but I'm not related to the deceased. Nor do I know the family. It was a coworker.

@ScubaWags I’m actually being ironic and not referring to your personal situation.

4

I think it is okay to speak ill of the dead if they were pieces of shit in life.... I mean we speak ill of Hitler and Stalin don't we?!? So why should we hold back with family and friends?? If I wouldn't speak of someone lovingly or highly in life, why would I suddenly begin to lie about them in death??

4

I guess you could leave it alone and consider the fact that he's not a jackass anymore? 😁

lerlo Level 8 Sep 20, 2019
3

I guess because they can't talk back.

Good point, however given the rumor mills on social media these days even if somebody replies no one will usually believe them.

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