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LINK If You Want To Be Trusted, Be Honest | I Heart Intelligence.com

I feel there are many that have difficulty with honest people or at least that's my experience. Sometimes they think your rude or harsh, even though I try hard not to come across that way. So I think we are raised to be "nice" which often correlates to... tell them what they want to hear, not the truth. It's easy to fall into that mindset especially if you don't like/want conflict or to make people uncomfortable and I admit there are times I will go there "to keep the peace".

BeeHappy 9 Nov 18
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14 comments

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1

I have a story, I was dating a girl once and at the beginning I told her I would never re-marry. First day. After about 3 dates she asks me if I will ever change and I told her it is my life's focus to change and that people that don't have the ability to change can never grow. She took this to mean that someday I would be open to marriage (she had been drinking). A short argument ensued and I stopped seeing her. She texted me calling me dishonest and that I owed her an apology. Fortunately I have a call blocking app and that was the last time I corresponded with her. Moral is: I would have to know the nature of the "dishonesty" to proclaim it so, and while I don't doubt your veracity in your past relationships understand that we are all a million throws of the life dice and after the age of 30 or so we all come with a bus load of baggage, you can either make compromises or retire from the field of permanent relationships (like me).

1

Enough conflict comes our way, for example a rude driver, or someone cutting in line, that to Not deflect antagonism when you can easily do so seems very nasty........

1

It depends why you are making either the true or false comment. If you are saying it to be kind then that's all that matters, not whether it is the truth or a lie. Intent is the important thing.

3

I try very hard to be BOTH honest and kind. I don’t lie, but I don’t always say what’s in my head either.
And I really hate it when people wield “truth” like a hammer and then say “I was just being honest.”

I have a hard time lying, my first wife could tell immediately, so I learned to always tell the truth and let the shit hit where it hits. Over time I learned that I cannot remember what I say about a certain topic or event, thus I tell the truth because I cannot remember enough to keep the lies straight. I not longer lie.

2

I had to read this article, it is an interesting topic to consider. I learned at a really early age not to let my tendency to be honest be so blatant. I do censor myself a lot for the very reasons you mention; people just think I'm being rude. Although the article makes a good point and I think we have (most of us anyway) an internal ability to perceive who is "real" and who is "fake," the author does not take into consideration the social aspect of why most of us are not as honest as we'd like to be with others. Sharing too much has met with ridicule, rejection, or anger and shunning when the honesty we give to others is unwelcome. It is a balancing act. It's not that one is trying to be dishonest or untrue, is that really, sometimes keeping our true thoughts to ourselves keeps the peace.

I see your point.

1

the "Socratic Method" is to discuss with questions, drill-down..."if you believe this, then you must believe that"..."if you believe this, then what about that?"...

2

A kind of a pick-your-battles thing...for instance, religion isn't a big issue with me so long as they're not deviating too much from the party line, I'm not going to say too much...other issues I'm more into, politely, reasonably argue...if they don't take or cannot discuss politely, walk away, there's no point...

Agree!

1

Most people don't want to hear the truth. I am learning to be less blunt.

1

I am brutally honest. Unintentional as it is. I've hurt a lot of feelings and angered many people 😟

Yep, it happens. 😕

2

Being honest often pisses people off.
Bonus!!

3

And being raised in the south it’s a cultural thing to try to say what is inoffensive, maybe followed by “bless your heart,” (which can mean “fuck you” or several other things).

Lol... right?

1

Speak the truth...unless it will get somebody killed.

Dang! Hope I'm never in that situation!

@BeeHappy My next rule (for myself) is tell the truth even when it may hurt somebody's feelings. But then, stay with them to get through to forgiveness.

@mischl Very nice!

@BeeHappy That's what we teach and train at the Center for Radical Honesty.

2

I am honest for no particular reason whatsoever.

Well good for you! 🙂

2

I'm an awful liar, so I mostly speak truth as it seems to me, say nothing, or try to change the subject.

Good practice.

I'm the same way. But I also have felt what BeeHappy has been through.

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