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Overweight man rejects overweight women. What's up with that?

A lawyer from Vashon Island drove to meet me in Wenatchee. Previously, we had funny, intelligent phone conversations.

My heart sank when he stepped out of his car. Fat with a big belly, very short legs and curly hair (5' 5" tall), he looked like a troll. His belly did not show in his pictures.

He tried to French kiss me and massage my legs. I quickly pulled away from his tongue. The massage felt great (sore leg muscles from hiking). He pushed for sex. No way.

"You are not attracted to me," he finally said. "You noticed I have not touched you," I replied. "Attraction is a funny thing; they call it chemistry. It's either there or it's not."

He said he's only attracted to thin women. "I met a very nice woman who was overweight. I wasn't attracted to her. Fat women are repulsive to me." That was rich, coming from him.

It just seems to be such a problem. A lot of people have gained weight over the years with their spouse. The two of them didn’t notice that much but the result is not particularly pleasing. And then they get divorced and never lose the weight.

Oddly, he didn't ask me any questions. When I pointed it out, he said, "I never ask women questions. It seems intrusive. I talk and then you talk."

"Asking questions shows interest in me," I replied. He didn't get the message.

Instead he lectured and told long-winded stories showing him as the hero. I felt bored. He went on and on, describing disturbing court cases (domestic violence) in horrific detail. "Stop talking about that, please," I said with tears in my eyes. "It's upsetting to me. Enough with the court cases."

"I can't imagine living with this," I thought. I don't want to be lectured instead of having normal, two-way conversations in which we listen and respond to each other.

LiterateHiker 9 Nov 23
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25 comments

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5

Amateur analysis. He was only looking for a piece of a$$ (no interest in you as a person). When he figured out he wasn't getting it he was butthurt and thus tortured you with the awful stories.

MizJ Level 7 Nov 23, 2019

@MizJ

Good point. He was only looking for sex.

@LiterateHiker I hope he paid since you had to endure his BS.

4

@Marionville, @Mitch07102, @MsHoliday, @BitFlipper, @skeptic70, @UUNJ, @AzVixen52, @Grahame, @tinkercreek, @Pontificus, @Sgt_Spanky, @Paul4747, @MzJ, @GipsyofNewSpain, @Heidi68, @kiramea, @Jolanta, @HippieChick58, @Doraz

The funniest thing he did was show me photos on his phone of his ex-wife and past girlfriends. All were slender and attractive. He described each woman and relationship in detail.

As a lawyer, he presented evidence. Apparently he thought it proves he is attractive to slender women (in the past), to convince me to f-ck him. It didn't work.

I think those were all fantasy relationships.

What a fu**ing wanker...which is probably what he’ll have to keep resorting to!

Ego + Imagination

@Grahame

Thank you.

Instead of feeling hurt, I feel disappointed and let down. It will pass.

What a podlets.

@skeptic70

What does "podlets" mean? I couldn't find it in the dictionary.

@LiterateHiker Sorry, it is Russian. I write in that language so often, sometimes I forget.
подлец or podlets means a scoundrel.

@skeptic70

Thank you.

@Marionville Burn!! Honestly, you're right, he should stick with fantasy if he's no better at reality.

4

I think it is time for you to take a break from men. Just enjoy all that hiking without any male involvement in your life.

12 step intervention required

Women are a load more fun. 💕🇨🇦

3

Uh, I would have run after he tried to kiss me. You kind of subjected yourself to this, yes?

3

Sounds to me that it wasn't the fact that he was overweight, it was because he was an insensitive asshole.

I've always been overweight. For the most part, most of my serious relationships have been on the thin side. What a person is attracted to usually isn't explainable.

2

Healthy people generally want to date healthy people. Size doses matter.

@Castlepaloma

Exactly. Thank you for your wise reply.

2

This is probably why I’ve opted out of the whole dating scene! I’ve had tongues thrust down my throat in my own home twice by so called friends of my late husband...and both thought I would welcome their advances because...”poor me”...I was recently widowed and obviously not getting any sex any more! As far as I’m concerned there must be chemistry or sex is never going to be an option...and I’d rather never again have sex than have it without an attraction on some level. I find this fat repulsion from men who are fat themselves quite common, men seem to be singularly lacking in the self awareness dept. in this respect, expecting women to stay slim, nubile and attractive, but not believing they should do so themselves. Why any man should believe he will be considered attractive to women when not even taking basic steps to keep in shape is beyond my comprehension.

I had the same experience when my beloved died, and some of these friends were married. They were not my friends, so I said, I am not receive guests at this time.

@MsHoliday They were both married...one to a very good friend.

@Marionville That is very sad. I know there are good people out there but we seem to meet the ones without character.

2

I'm sorry you were subjected to this experience. You posted recently that you were about to meet a New Man, and you were excited. I hope this one wasn't him. 😟

@BitFlipper

Yup, that was him.

2

Hypocrisy is clear here. Also, posting only really old pictures manifests a liar. This person sounds narcissistic as well.

2

Sounds familiar. I can only empathize.

UUNJ Level 8 Nov 23, 2019
2

Geesh, I've experienced surprises, dismissal and rudeness from many first dates, but you got hit with it all from this one! Too bad, so sad.

Different from the multitude of negatives in your situation, I have one long-lasting regret for not wanting to get involved with a man years ago, based on his weight. I think I'd just worked hard to get very fit and slim, was in my early 40's, and really valued the thought of a partner to share that lifestyle. As it turns out, this dear man had every other attribute I could have wanted: humor, caring, intellect, interests, generosity, family values, personal integrity/honor, career success, and he adored me. As he was a bit of a local celeb, I watched from afar as he met & married a lovely woman, though it only lasted a few years. Sometimes I ponder the possibilities.

2

Well now, that's just damn hypocritical (I mean on his part).

Number one, he expects a woman to show him consideration for his physical appearance that he's not willing to show in return.

Number two, it's apparently all about the physical where he's concerned. The only role he seems to see for women is as an audience for his stories.

I can't speak for anyone else, but women of all shapes can be appealing (and have been and are) to me. It's the personality, intellect, and desire that's important, especially how those elements click with mine.
Of the things that went south in my marriage, the one thing I can say didn't matter to me was my ex's weight.

2

I am impressed you managed to stick around after the tongue & massage....

2

I'd say you dodged a bullet. Doesn't sound like a very self aware individual.

2

Sorry for your luck.
Definitely one of the drawbacks of internet dating.

I really don't miss it. Not even a little bit.

2

Beats me I love women period fat thin as long as they are women and not girls or princesses

All types of women are beautiful; but some aren't attractive.

@EdEarl so what

@bobwjr Why I'm attracted to a person is undefinable, in the case of women, it's partly physical, but it's more about who they are as a person. A lover must be a good friend.

1

@literateHiker , Obviously this guy knows nothing about manners, women, truth ,being up front ,it appears his ego is in total control, respect for himself and others, listening ,it is all about himself..happily first dates is the only date with him , surprising some people who read your profile do not realize you are in total control of your life and know what you want and do not want ,and their half truths and whimsical fantasy's in their Head (S) are going to get them no wheres with you really fast ,You have your standards and you stick to them and are very honest with yourself. When some one has those same or simliar standards already , you will be home free unless they have a cheating back ground,so wishing you luck on your journey ,send you warm healing hugs

1

He is short and fat and bald and ulgy.
Man from New Jersey who is loaded.
We will have a spree, although he is age 83.

There are some women love money over looks and humor. I am sure I will never encage with them. Maybe at 83, not.

1

He must have been a good actor on the phone. No questions? Talk about self-centered. Yikes.

I can't imagine you being with someone who isn't at least reasonably, if not very fit.

1

Been there a few times. Being asexual, means I have never found this chemistry that everyone talks about, although I do find women more interesting. The only thing I want from a man these days is to be respectful of me, our relationship and about himself. This man was rude from the get go, about everything. What a waste of time.
I have never done this but what about using a video chat before meeting up? I wonder if there is an app that you can do this anonymously?

1

Asking a woman questions is intrusive but sticking his tongue down their throat at their first meeting isn't? Also, I like women with a little extra weight on them. It enhances their curves and feels nice to the touch.

Didn't his extra weight show in his face when you saw his pics?

@Sgt_Spanky

He posted old photos. I was shocked by his appearance.

1

Better luck next time.

CS60 Level 7 Nov 23, 2019
1

Standards. Even the Lowest of Animals sets a bar to go under. Wishing You Better Luck and Happy Hunting.

1

I don't understand your point. Would it have mattered if he asked you questions and showed you interest? Would good conversation have made a difference in how you felt about a fat man?

@Wildflower

It depends. My first husband, an emergency room doctor, was brilliant, hilarious, and a great conversationalist. Tim was my best friend at the Univ. of Michigan.

A wonderful hiker, Tim tended to be overweight because he constantly drank quart bottles of Tab soda pop. As a full time emergency room nurse while in medical school, he craved caffeine.

@LiterateHiker Tab soda was the original diet soda from the Coca Cola co. Not sure why that made him overweight. It had no calories.

@Wildflower

Since I never drank soda pop, I do not know it's history.

"Pop is a non-food," I taught my daughter. "It's just chemicals and sugar."

@Wildflower

Most likely, Tim ate fast food and pizza. He only had 8 hours to sleep, study or see me. Most often, he slept at the hospital where he worked. I don't know what he ate away from me.

0

Do you think ugly people are attracted to other ugly people?? Some unattractive men have beautiful wives or gfs that truly love them for other qualities, but everyone is entitled to their tastes. This is a whining song of overweight women typically. You do not need our validation to tell him you were turned off when he got out of the car. Maybe the awkward moment was his fault if he kept his shape a secret! You certainly have the right to your taste also. I am 61 but look 40 and I am attracted mostly to women who might opt for a burkah in my presence!
I will not assume you are trying to stand in judgment of someones personal taste in women.

@JOHNGALT

You don't look 40. Instead you look like you're in your 60s. This misperception is common with men.

"How old are your photos?" I ask men on the phone. "About eight years old, but I haven't changed," they reply.

Here's what usually happens. I arrive at a cafe', nicely dressed to honor the occasion. "Kathleen!" I hear. Turning, I recognize no one. My hot date has suddenly aged 10 years, gained 50 pounds and lost all of his hair.

Apparently he believes his innate sexual magnetism will cause me to overlook that he's a liar.

With online dating, research shows 80% of people (men and women) post old photos, and lie about their age, weight, fitness, profession, height (short men), marital status, etc.

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