everything matters one way or another. distance seems like a much bigger deal than your favorite cereal.

This guy sounds like an ass. Good riddance Medical Deity!

Long distance can only work for a short period of time before one or both people decide that one of them I has to move or the relationship ends.
Current relationship began 10 years ago with a distance of only 1.5 hours away by car. It's still going, although I now live in my own place five minutes away from his. I'm glad I didn't move in with him (he has a habit of not completing essential renovations such as a functional bathroom) but often wonder if I want to keep the situation as it is. I miss being married and have someone there at the end of the day so eventually something will have to change.
Also did LDR with the husband for five years before marrying him.
It can work if both parties are willing to work at it and there is an end in sight.

I was contacted by a woman who said she was a tenured college professor in Buffalo NY who said she wanted to get to know me... I immediately said NO and cited my profile said no long distance relationships.

She persisted... Told me she made did figures yearly and would fly me up to Buffalo every weekend on here dime.

I still said NO. This went on for about 2 weeks before she stopped messaging me... I don't want a relationship based on plane schedules and weather patterns. I don't want to be 100's or 1000's of miles away from the person I'm dating.

Even if I initially say yes I know I will bail on them... I can't do it. I want the option of saying, "Hey, you want to see a movie tonight? How about dinner tomorrow?"

If others find LD relationships great, more power to them yet it would never work for me.

Stay away from rivers without a life jacket.

It is almost impossible to maintain much lrss nurture long distance relationships, period.

You broke the rule about listening to your gut. Don't do that again ! What a Dr. dick !

I hear that distance BS often too - especially from scammers !
But for the more real folks, I'm not too keen on starting something with someone who is over a couple hours away. And that's even more an issue if both I, and the other, are quite content where we live presently, and have no desire to relocate.

I was in a relationship with someone for 4 1/2yrs, who was a mere hour away. That one damn hour prevented many a get together on work days. It also prevented spontaneous meetings, for maybe an evening stroll, or an ice cream cone, or a quickie ! And he wasn't fond of talking on the phone much. Yes - we dealt with it for that time, but there were unexpected challenges that came with the miles, and, though not the sole reason, those miles contributed to the relationship's demise.

Would I engage in another distance situation ? Only with cautious reluctance - or not at all.

I live in the northern part of Aberdeenshire Scotland... a bit far

Long distance relationships? No, thanks!!!

So glad you had the strength and wits to get yourself out of that!

I think you have your priorities straight, and are right to stick with them. You know what suits you and what doesn't, as most of us do at this point. As others have said, it is a rare LDR that survives, and particularly challenging in the early phases of getting to know one another. Unfortunately, meeting up infrequently allows for some "false front" behaviors and leaves you to only believe what you are told of someone's life and person, as opposed to being able to observe traits first-hand.

As others have also said, there are some who create a covert lifestyle of multiple relationships in different locations, as they would never be revealed due to location. That sucks, believe me, when the conversations express only monogamy. I've also experienced the void of physical and emotional connection from being apart, and don't care to repeat that.

There are so many different ways to live and to form relationships, and feeling confident that your partner is holding a congruent attitude and reality to yours seems to be key.

Distance does matter. I'm not dating anyone I can't have sex with at least 3 times a week. I'm just saying. Lol

Long distance is not for me at all, did give a try a few times, but the lack of connection led me to experiences similar to your, without any near death experiences . Ultimately each person was more into convenience than connection, sharing & bliss.
Now when I hear “Distance is Unimportant”, it translates into “Convenience over connection. Also translates into one person having many convenient lovers, and you will see him or her when it’s convenient. That guy’s lack of concern was so awful for you, though. What an idiot, wimp and slacker. Shocking. My worst experience was when Mr Long Distance took me on a 3 day cruise. On day two we were in Ensenada, & he left me in a line coming back onto the ship, While waiting to board 3 nasty drunks kept running into me & groping me, I stepped to side but it this continued. I pushed back & yelled at one drunk to back off & that I was calling security, & embarrassed him & his equally groping GF. Back on the boat Mr Long Distance met me, I told him what happened as he watched Security talking to the people who were accosting me in line where he had left me. He then said, “They just wanted you because you’re attractive, that’s a compliment.” As I thought about it, I realized That he had left me there so his potbellied boozer friends could “test the waters.”
Mind you, we’d been seeing each other long distance for nearly a year, I never drink, & he rarely did, either. That ended it, of course. I was never happier to be back on land in my life, & I wouldn’t ket him touch me.
The other kept making excuses on why he couldn’t move, after convincing me that he could live anywhere he wanted to because he was a healthcare traveler for a major company. He took me to the most beautiful places, ot was an amazing romance short term, but he expected me to come to him, then was frustrated when he had to plan outings and entertain. He grandstanded moving to my town finally, when he‘d already killed the relationship, & was dating people that I knew from work to humiliate me. Oddly, perhaps the long distance relationship just most often turns into cruelty, as you experienced, or polyamory, which is fine, but not what I’m really looking for. I don’t think people seeking deep connection with another person are gratified by it.
If a couple are in committed, loving relationship & one had to travel sometimes, that‘s fine, but if the fella lives in another city, It‘s long distance, & I just say “Nay”.

I've been hung up on this for a while. I believe individuals are far too complex to know what they want early on. Dating close lets you figure that out, sometimes. Or causes terrible harm, and possibly children, before you are ready and cripples you in several important ways.

I guess if you are more cerebral, long distance dating can work just fine. I think it's common to fall in love with the idea of someone though, then be disappointed when you meet, before driving yourself crazy trying to reconcile what you love with who they actually are. I guess you can easily stay "happy" just by never meeting or something. I've known a few people who did that.

How much of love, or emotional bonds, or whatever actually depends on your partner? I know lots of women have had creepy dudes follow them home thinking that the attraction is mutual. Is there really more to a relationship than feeling just as crazy as your partner does? I'll argue that crazy is the right word forever.

At this point, I'm just looking for a conventionally attractive woman about my age that sees my face and wants to sit there, and find ways to be nice to me after. I'm not as cerebral as I used to be, but I'm like four times as cynical, I'm not sure if I have much of a future going for an emotional attraction first if I don't trust my own feelings. I can trust someone else's actions just fine though.

So uh, I guess distance doesn't matter if you know yourself

In the end, if you two are right for each other, one or both of you are going to move. If you have an elderly parent, this may make it impossible to do. My mom's mom is literally 98 and she's not dying anytime soon.

Maybe the guy might move, but they can be bitter and sour when their life plans don't go their way.

A man in Kelowna, British Columbia who wants to meet me. It's five driving hour apart. Longer in the winter when it's snowy, icy and dangerous to drive.

We have no activities in common. I don't understand why he's interested in me. Surely there are single women who live closer to him in Canada.

You seem to be dating men who are not suitable for any relationships. My advice is to stop trying so hard to meet someone. But what do I know perhaps you are not trying hard. Anyway enjoy the things you have in your life and if you are supposed to meet somebody that will fit you and vice versa it will happen all of its own. Long distance is way too hard and men who perhaps don't have the education standards that you want may be much better at most things than the ones who are. Education doesn't mean much if you are selfish with an ego. Most so called educated men only know stuff in their field of education a lot of them are just numbskulls looking for their sock without opening the sock drawer first.