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Monogamy vs. Polygamy

Do you guys think monagomy is natural or is it a less effective practice for humans? Or we more wired to have multiple sex partners? Let’s discuss.

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  1. "Natural" is a fallacy. Arsenic is natural, doesn't mean you use it as foodstuff. As always context is everything.
  2. Human sexuality has such a broad range of "normal" that the only questions which make sense in the context of modern, western, first world cultures is "Does it do any harm?" "Is it consensual?"

Interesting question. I don't think that monogamy is natural. However, I do think that monogamy is achievable and expected, even covetable to many people.


I think humans are naturally inclined to be serial monogamists.
People naturally get jealous and don’t want to share each other.
But people also naturally like new things and new relationships are exciting.

Myah Level 6 Mar 28, 2018

shrug if you say so. But why do women become jealous easily if they are used to being a “harem.” Just seems to be a very male centric assumption in my opinion.

I think humans naturally pair off. The population is 50-50 male-female. Why did evolution decide that? Society becomes unstable when there are too many young single men. Monogamy just makes sense. Serial monogamy makes even more sense.

Also through out evolution, I don’t think there were many harems (as a percentage of the general population). There simply weren’t enough resources. (Let’s be honest- harems=rich) The truth is closer to women being out on the world interacting with the world to help bring food to the table because otherwise they would starve. Why would they choose one man to help them if he had multiple obligations? I would chose the man that was more invested in me individually, that makes more sense.

I don't think people "naturally" get jealous. I think it is the upbringing in the sex suppressed culture that brings out that emotion


I mean you could basically say the same for preference for monogamy vs polygamy etc. that it is upbringing.

@Myah Actually, I do think that as well.

@Myah ive had it both ways.... if you want my story then send me a message..... i can say this. More than one lady in the


If you wanna fuck around be single that's the way I see it

that is one way of putting it!


I don't believe monogamy is natural human behavior. It's a societal construct, encouraged by religion, and the aspect of human nature to "own" everything.
People are going to do what (who) they're going to do. However, if you make a promise
to be faithful to one person, you'd damn well better keep your word.
If you know you can't, you shouldn't promise that you will.

KKGator Level 9 Mar 28, 2018

Well - as polygamy is understood in our culture it is all to the advantage to the male. Since you are a male how would you like to have her be with more than one husband? Somuch of polygamy is bound up wtih male domination.To me it is saying to a woman if you have say three wives each one is only a third of value to you. How would a male feel if he was just one third f of the equation?

Polygamy may have been useful at earlier times in human development. When men went off to war and got killed, the only way women and their children could move into another man's house and stay alive - the powers that were decided the polygamy was necessary. Today, polygamy is not useful. I say that consenting adults can do what they want. But, me, I would not want to be wife #2, #3, or #4. That would not be comfortable.


I think it depends on the individual. Everyone has different desires and proclivities.

bleurowz Level 8 Mar 29, 2018

Polyamory is what I prefer.

But not polygamy. I don't want to be married to more than one person. Or at all.

Exactly this.


An idea I've had for a while is that we are more biologically wired to have multiple partners to continue our species. A study was done in 2005 (Helen Fisher, Harvard) that measured the levels of dopamine released over during new relationships. The dopamine levels increased dramatically for a year or so, before declining (the Honeymoon phase). Just long enough to get to make semi/permanent bonds and/or get pregnant.

However, after that depends on who you are as a person. Your upbringing, your values, and your actual compatability with the other person when the chemistry is less in sync.


I firmly believe that we are not naturally monogamous.


Well, having no answer to my "guy" question, I will answer anyway.

We are not born to be monogamous, but women have been fed the line that they should be for various reasons. Men, however, have been allowed to have multiple wives and when the committed adultery, it was widely accepted because, after all (to paraphrase Tammy Wynette), they are "just men."

Women needed to have one husband and to be a virgin at marriage in order to ensure that the husband was the father of the child. It is why when the Jews ransacked a city, they were to kill everyone but the virgins. Since virginity could not be proven, though, the pillager had to wait a year before having sex with her to ensure that she was not already pregnant.

Biologically speaking, the purpose of life is to perpetuate the species; in this light, polygamy makes more sense than polyandry because one male can impregnate as many females with whom he can have sex. A woman with many male partners can only produce one child at a time. However, this was not the basis for polygamy.

The concept of perpetuating the male lineage was paramount, and this was better accomplished with multiple wives. Ironically, in Egypt and Judaism, lineage was traced through the mother because (with some exceptions) one always knew who one's mother was but not so one's father.

Women were property in most cultures; they were dominated by men. This also fed into the aspects of polygamy.

Another irony: for centuries, women were considered ravening sexual creatures. The myth of the succubus, the tale of Inanna wherein she asks Dumuzi to "plow my furrow," the archetype of the seductress, and other cultural concepts meant women had to be kept in their places and away from other men. The Victorian Era spawned the idea that women did not enjoy sex.

False, but again, they were told that they were.


I have no desire to share a man with another woman or to have more than one husband. I have friends who are polyamorous and seem to be happy about it, and I am happy for them if this is what they prefer. Not for me.

Deb57 Level 8 Mar 29, 2018

I suppose this involves how you define monogamy. If divorce is prevalent in a society then can it be really characterized as a monogamous culture?

cava Level 7 Mar 28, 2018

That is an interesting question. Along that topic - is the divorce prevalent because biologically we are driven not be or because the value we place on marriage is decreasing? (or the value we place on something else has increased above the value of marriage)

yes, it would be a serial monogamous culture.

@vmfreesoul I have read that it is due to an increased in the value of materialism in our culture. We seek things, 'stuff' as George Carlin used to joke about it. Materialism crowds out our other relationship priorities such as communication, conflict resolution and intimacy.

@cava Absolutely. And an increasing push to be an individual, to not rely on anyone, to the detriment of the community, to our families.

Technically "monogamy" is one partner for life, so very, very few of any humans are truly monogamous.


I'd personally prefer polygamy because it should eliminate the lying which seems to be inherent to most monogamy attempts. I've never been terribly upset about infidelity in and of itself. The lying is what kills the trust which ends the relaionship.

PhoebeCat Level 7 Mar 28, 2018

Despite 1000's of years of mongamy being idealized, in today's society more than 70% ae nto mongamous. I do not think it is natural for humans to be monogamous, as that is nto how we behave.

Then again, I am not too keen on polyamy either. Tooofen polyamourous persons focus on the sex and not the individuals and partners are left enoti0onally wanting.

I think monogamy is a nice ideal to srive for as a way to try to get closer, but I think it woudl be an error to actully expect it.

I think the key to making a relationship last is honesty. If a monogamous partners has sex with antoher person, they shoudl be honest about it right away. If they lie and put off tellign their partner, then when their partner does fidn out, it will seem like a huge betrayal, while if a person is honest almsot immediately, then the smarter partners will at least know they are still loved.

Secrets in relationships and families creates dysfuncion. If you want to doom a relationship to failure, then keeping secrets will do it.

snytiger6 Level 9 Mar 28, 2018

I think most animals are wired to take on as many partners as possible. Propogate diversely.


By "guys," do you mean only men should answer?


I have no idea of the science involved but one at a time if it's a problem lol

ipdg77 Level 8 Mar 29, 2018

The issue here is "natural" so pre civilised. In that case we are not monogamous.
I bet you never realised how much into sex ecologists are.
The shape of the human penis, particularly the glans and coronal ridge evolved because we are so promiscous. (well the women are). hahaha. We are talking about the human species, long before we had speech and rules and such.

Rugglesby Level 8 Mar 28, 2018

While I believe some people can make poly relationships work, I know it's not for me. I do think that relationships often run their course after several years.


Polygamy has the most benefits but most people would have to unlearn the stranglehold monogamy has on people.

SamL Level 7 Mar 28, 2018

Probably polygamy but I'm not that ambitious

Rudy1962 Level 9 Mar 28, 2018

Still think majority are brought up to be Monogamous, get married and have children. Multiple sex partners might be right for some but monogamy right for others.


what do you mean by 'less effective"?

btroje Level 9 Mar 28, 2018

From my point of view it depends on the people, there are those who like to have more partner and others that are happy having just one,we have plenty of problems just couse of the society, with the freedom this questions wouldn't even exist xD

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