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LINK Grace Chapel - ironmen

Went to Christian men's conference after being invited by my neighbor (a wonderful, helpful, Christian man who has no personal problem with my godlessness). He had an extra ticket because someone else couldn't make it. I skipped the first night session but attended this morning for the breakfast (which was quite good, though the coffee was remarkably bitter). I sat during the praise music while everyone else stood (good call) which wasn't horrible musically but the lyrics were the usual pablum.

The gist of all sessions was resisting temptations and immorality. He had several anecdotes about fallen pastors and church members that seemed rather hokey. One was a personal ministry associate who travelled extensively worldwide, and a delayed flight meant his layover in Amsterdam turned out to be 9 hours. He went to the red light district to see "if it was as bad as he had heard," and wound up "succumbimg to temptation." He said the anguish of his fellow minister was that of someone who had lost a child. He wound up getting divorced (wife left him), but now does a couples counseling ministry and has remarried. The speaker warned of loose women essentially in a role of bringing down godly men (I was half expecting him to advocate for burkas). Quoted bible passages warning of harlots and painted women.

Anyway, sat through a couple of hours of that (reminded me a bit of Jimmy Swaggart's crusade against porn) before the Q & A at the end of the session. My neighbor was ready to leave but I said I had a question for them. Put my hand up and was the first to get to ask a question after their staffmember brought me the mic.

This is it in full, pretty much verbatim.

"Hi, my name is Bill. In the interest of full disclosure, I'm an atheist here at the invitation of my dear friend and neighbor. You talked about absolute morality with regard to sex workers... prostitutes... or "harlots" as you referred to them and when "good people do bad things."

[Already you could sense the tension and discomfort as people squirmed in their seats]

"About 10 or 20 years ago, I saw a segment on public television about sex workers who once a month donated their services to local men with severe disabilities such as muscular sclerosis. Do you feel these 'gifts' as it were, are from bad people people doing good things, or bad people doing bad things, and do you think the women are leading these men to darkness, or are the men are leading these women to darkness in your view?

For the second part of my question, the people on stage with the microphones were talking over me a bit urging others to please get right to the question (as if I was filibustering or something) and essentially cut me off, or I would have added that I consider these women "earthly angels" for the empathy they displayed towards these men with broken bodies that they might know the beauty of a loving human touch from a woman and experience physical intimacy from them towards those without a lot of opportunities, if any at all.

Their answers did not acknowledge the human connection involved in that touching gesture whatsoever (two pastors fielded the question). They said they do believe in the moral absolutes of the bible, and without that anything goes. They indicated that sex work is too damaging for anyone to engage in so that it is always wrong (had I felt they would allow any follow up, I might have asked them about sex surrogates in the medical profession but you could tell they were a bit put off), and no mention of the men other than their belief that any sex outside of marriage is wrong, so basically these men were SOL. They thanked me for my question, but indicated they were all believers in the revealed knowledge of the one true God, so there was no making allowances in this regard, to which there followed applause from everyone else.

The next question was about a friend who was cheating on his wife though a Christian and how the questioner should handle it. We made our way out of the meeting hall as some stock answer quoting a bible verse was tossed out to this young man.

Like I told my neighbor, attending such events, or funerals, or what have you, I often feel like a cultural anthropologist listening to their beliefs. I said to him if he wanted to know what it sounds like to my ears, replace the names God and Jesus with Zeus and Neptune or something. It just doesn't resonate with me.

He had the old standby of the 3 options argument for Jesus (Lord, lunatic, or liar). I responded that the 4th option could be misrepresentation.

Anyway, expected nothing from the whole thing, and came away with that view confirmed. Will add a few other impressions a bit later maybe, but the overall impression was that of them essentially marketing their religionism as a product (sticking with us will help keep you on the straight and narrow).

WilliamCharles 8 Jan 26
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Jeez, I look up John MacArthur once on YouTube, and now it's flooding me feed. It only reconfirms for me what a scary irrationalist (piece of crap, actually) this guy is. Each sermon/lecture title is more bombastic and out of touch than the last. We godless, in his view, are in the service of demonic forces, and dealt with accordingly (shunned for now, I suppose until that time they can return to the good old days of executing us openly).

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A few other observations like I promised and an update.

The program opened with two videos being shown. The first one was a clip of Jeremy Clarkson of Top Gear! fame tooling around a track in some cool custom rail buggy. No helmet so you could see the skin on his face flap as he put pedal to the metal (told my friend Hank Hill would insist on proper headgear). The group affirmations of manly manliness had begun. I bring it up because this was a group that prides itself on the whole holier than though thing, and apparently are not troubled by some of Clarkson's creepier aspects and history (see his wiki page under controversies). This was despite a later point made in the lecture about cutting oneself off from those insufficiently moral and pious.

Pastor Walls also mentioned his friend and mentor radio preacher John MacArthur. I am familiar with MacArthur's brand of religionism, having heard his radio sermons on many occasions (I used to listen to their commercial free broadcasts to help me fall asleep. I considered heir speaking voices usually rather soothing, and rebutting the content of their message in my mind as I drifted off was a way for me to tune out whatever else might be disrupting my sleep). A quick search of his sermons online remin

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One other aside (I keep remembering pieces that stuck), was he asked about if you learned a potiontial sexual partner had AIDS, that wouldn't you agree they in that instant became a person you dhould never have sex with. He said that God's moral absolutes instruct that sex outside of marriage is frought with a danger indistinguishable from sex with an AIDs infected woman. I thought that was sad to demonize a person having contracted a disease, and assert that that status in his mind precluded that person from ever engaging in sexual relations ever again. Certainly openess about one's condition and effective and proper precautions are required, but he used so many examples that seemed a throwback to far less enlightened times. That, and his insistance on reviving the notion of the Scarlett Letter.

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A few other observations like I promised and an update.

The program opened with two videos being shown. The first one was a clip of Jeremy Clarkson of Top Gear! fame tooling around a track in some cool custom rail buggy. No helmet so you could see the skin on his face flap as he put pedal to the metal (told my friend Hank Hill would insist on proper headgear). The group affirmations of manly manliness had begun. I bring it up because this was a group that prides itself on the whole holier than though thing, and apparently are not troubled by some of Clarkson's creepier aspects and history (see his wiki page under controversies). This was despite a later point made in the lecture about cutting oneself off from those insufficiently moral and pious.

The second was a cool vid of a mountain biker on an idyllic downhill course with stunt jumps and such. More manly bonding stuff. Like cops going to school events with tricjed out cars with dope sound systems. I remarked to my neighbor that the CSN song playing was ironically counterculture.

Pastor Walls also mentioned his friend and mentor radio preacher John MacArthur. I am familiar with MacArthur's brand of religionism, having heard his radio sermons on many occasions (I used to listen to their commercial free broadcasts to help me fall asleep. I considered heir speaking voices usually rather soothing, and rebutting the content of their message in my mind as I drifted off was a way for me to tune out whatever else might be disrupting my sleep). A quick search of his sermons online reminded me of how dognatic this guy is, including his sermon on closing yourself off from unbelievers ss they are in the service of demonic forces. This includes those of the "wrong" religions.

The breakfast buffet table was tended to mistly by the women, which reminded me of LDS events, but it was a men's conference so nothing unusual about that.

The crowd was mostly white with all age groups represented. I felt a twinge of sadness seeing the young teens being indoctrinated from my perspective. I understand there's the feeling of inclusiveness as part of the group ritual and value of that, but the dogma it involves presents a problem. A few people did that gand raise to heaven thing during the praise music and prayers. Guess they were feeling it. One boy actually signed the songs which I thought was kinda cool.

I noticed two young African-American men among the 500 or so attendees. Often atheist and freethought gatherings I've attended have a similar lack of diversity. I imagined what the cultural dynamics would be like if are godlessness were reflected in our skin tone. Mormons only recently revised their doctrines concerning the races and reworded the "white and delightsome" indicating goodness, whereas some consider darkness as the mark of Cain.

Now here's the update. My neighbor called about some other business, but before hanging up remembered to bring up that a friend of his in attendance heard my question and offered to take me to lunch to answer it. I said I'd consider it, but worried that he might use it as an opportunity to try to steer me away from my own worldview. I mentioned believers often get upset when a person doesn't find their "proofs" convincing. It's not like I was out to convert anyone else, but rather show the colors, as it were, of my own group.

I'll let you all know how it turns out if I wind up going to lunch. The face to face thing smacks of hard sell as a simple phone call from him could easily cut to the chase. Also, when you even open the door to listening, they insist because you are a "seeker," one who is looking to find a godview that can be justified rationally.

So as I said, am still a bit hesitant, though probably will at some point as I told my neighbor a definite maybe.

One final tidbit I forgot to add, was an anecdote the pastor told towards the end of his presentation. He spoke of an incident involving a world renowned matador from Spain. Described him with all sorts of glowing superlatives and how he was recognized as the best in the world. He went on to describe with great relish the final death blows against this "massive powerful beast," in awe recounting the final sword thrusts deep into the back of this cruelly brutalized creature as it was essentially tortured to death for public spectacle. I was already a little traumatized by his narration, but expected him to conclude it with that one account where the matador breaks down with anguish because the bull, which the raised knowing the matador under whatever circumstances, confronted the matador as it was being set upon with such incomprehensible violence with plaintive bellows of suffering as if asking why when it looked into the matador's eyes... one living, vulnerable creature to another.

Instead, like he was sharing his favorite recollection of sports heroics, he transition to the big finale of his tale. The bull collapsed from the final sword thrusts. The matador turned and walked away from the bull, arms raised in triumph as he basked in the crowd's adulation. Through the din of the roar, he did not hear the warning shouts as the bull got back up and gored the matador from behing, mortally wounding him.

The pastor used that to drive home the point thst you can be the best at what you do, but still stumble by taking your eyes off the prize, and that the pitfalls of any of us living an unrighteous life, is thst it could be over in the blink of an eye and we'd meet our maker having sealed our own doom. He remind me of a life insurance salesman "backing up the hearse" as they say.

I found his tale of this gruesome reality more indicative of the mindset of someone who was borderline sociopathic rather than one given and deserving deference as some sort of learned moral authority. Not a word about the justifications for this particular blood sport glorifying extreme animal abuse, just a reminder that death could come at any moment so the smart bet is to get right with God now. Fear tactics as an integral element of the sales pitch.

On the drive home, I told my neighbor I considered vigorously clapping when the bull evenedvthe score against the bullfighter, but opted not to out of consideration for him.

Oh, and one other thing that happened that I guess was part the reinforcement of the attitude that God created man with dominion over the animals was a game between two men involving catching live catfish in a water tank (a floor freezer shot from an overhead camera) with a net. The contest was over in about 3 seconds, and the fish was returned to the tank. The prize was a knife. Not a speciality knife used in the preparation of fish, like a scaling knife, but a double-sided battle knife. Pretty much good for little else other than close order combat (though granted, you could cut other stuff on your camping trip with this kick-butt, bad-ass knife that I assume also came with a mean looking scabbard so you could walk around displaying your own manliness lest others mistake you for something other than a tough guy). More manly man stuff. The love of Jeebus embodied in the weapons of war and violence.

Well, that about covers it more our less. It seemed an attempt of imprinting overall. Trying to piggyback those things they were advocating for (accepting scripture as interpreted by those putting on the forum), by linking it to those things already looked at with approval by the general culture regarding men. Sports, cars, military, hunting and fishing, the opposite sex (in a purely chaste and biblical fashion, within the bonds of marriage only and mostly for procreation), etc.

Earlier in the talk, I remember he also thought there were aspects of the surveillance state he felt were laudable, that crime is reduced when security cameras were present. He talked about how one church conference goer followed another after he turned the wrong direction exiting the parking lot as they were both leaving a big church conference. He knew the hotel was in the other direction and took it upon himself to see if any shenanigans were afoit (as if there couldn't have been an innocent explanation for not making a beeline back to the hotel). Sure enough, after tailing him a bit he saw him turn into a strip club, so he pulled along side him, rolled down his window and called out, "Hi, Frank!" Frank was embarrassed and bailed on the club and returned the the hotel. The pastor took much glee in this example of ways of helping your Christian bretheren that dispproving eyes could be anywhere, ready to rat you out.

I shared with my neighbor several quotes that I thought were relavthat recquired no scripture.

One was, "Character us how you act when you think no one is looking."

Also re: pious narcs, I told him a joke.

Q: How do you keep a Mormon from drinking sll your beer on a fishing trip?
A: Invite a second Mormon.

He really liked that one and agreed it applies to more than just Mormons.

Finally, one the point of what they focus one regarding morality (sex, basically), I quoted that dialog from Clint Eastwood's "Unforgiven" about "It's a hell of a thing killing a man... "

Their God is really adamant about where and when you park your private parts, but they seem to be much less troubled under the circumstances which extreme violence is applied by the state to bring about a desired outcome, the presumption being thst when the "good guys" do it, it's barely an issue.

We all likely had our own reasons for walking away from religionism, but for me, hypocrisy and almost total lack of introspection, along with blanket justifications for the the crimes of their God, bordering on insanity, plsyed a karge part in my evolution.

Their claims of revealed knowledge and the supposed moral absolutes handed down, are on the whole, logically inconsistent. I export more from a "perfect being."

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Nice try.
Seriously.

I had been to a 1 day secular mens retreat before in the early '80s. If I recall correctly it was patterned after some book that was popular at the time (something to do with Iron John I think). It was a friend of the family who was into that whole self-help motivational forums type thing (he once paid for my attendance to a Lifespring[tm] conference a few years later - kind of Scientology-lite without the hardcore ratfvcking). It was a pleasant enough affair, a little like group counseling with sharing and bonding in a supportive environment, with some book references here and there thrown in. Some were dads who brought their boys. It had kind of a scouting feel to it. I guess the bottom line message was work to be a better you, understanding the societal notions of what it is to be a man does not have to be set in stone, and seek to build each other up as opposed to a competitiveness that is often largely oneupsmanship. Somewhat generic, but on the whole benign enough.

I remember it ended with this song in a cakewalk circle. I thought that kind of captured the feel. Some men were in tears having come with their own issues and traumas and so forth and seemed to take comfort in the camaraderie in a men only environment (I wonder how things might work with transgender participants - there's some controversy regarding TERF acceptance as a women's issue - the group were welcoming to gay members).

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I can tolerate the Jimmy Carter xtions, this is what I believe and do, but you have rights also types. The other hypocritical asses who want to taliban (new verb) the U.S. can all fuck off. Those are the trumpies who, if they had half a brain, might actually realize they are hypocrites to their chosen god.

Chatting with my neighhbor on the drive home I told him I've known Christians who were some of the nicest people I've encountered, and some of the worst, and everywhere along the spectrum in between.

I said what occured to me during the session when they were talking about moral absolutes and standing firm regarding righteous actions (the focus being issues of sexual immorality as they saw it), I mentioned they made a few military references (how it's not like we're in Baghdad in our armor when we're out in the world of temptation). I observed how while they'll apply these so-called absolutes to things sexual, they don't seem to apply a similar focus on the obscenity of warfare and how readily they tend to overlook the death, destruction, and maiming of flesh inflicted on a massive industrial scale against innocent men, wonen, and children that our endless wars involve ("collateral damage" ). I said I'd probably at least have a little more respect for believers if their priorities made a little more sense to me. I quoted that Clint Eastwood line from "Unforgiven."

William Munny: "It's a hell of a thing, killing a man. You take away all he's got and all he's ever gonna have."

:-----:

"I am so bloody sick of the claim that the slaughter of innocent people by bringing down the full force of modern weaponry from every possible direction to mangle their flesh in the most horrific and violent ways is not monstrous because [we have a good reason]."

~ LanceThruster

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A bit like Daniel walking into the Lion's Den to draw a connection with the Bible Thumpers. lol I admire your courage and integrity for throwing out the possibility that sex isn't immoral at all but I am not surprised that they did not get it.
I once hired a realtor to sell some of my properties, I was a custom homebuilder, who invited me to a 'Men's Business Breakfast'. It was in the basement of a local church which was a bit irksome but I went anyway, only to find out that it was a session for 'Promise Keepers' so I had been sandbagged. I stuck it out through the greasy breakfast, the even greasier speaker and the misogynistic blather that followed.
I did some more research into my new realtor after that deception and found out that he had been keeping a mistress as his personal assistant for several years, beat his wife when she complained and was completely unscrupulous in his business dealings. I let the listings run out and never worked with him again.

Wow, pretty skeevy. A lot of business cons are perpetrated by the false assumption that felliw Christians could not also be crooks. I remember reading one Christian advising that it it preferable to show one's Christian character by reputation and quality of work rather than by a notation on the business card, though even that falsely presumes that Christians have some sort of monopoly on integrity.

I told my neighbor that I expected some sort of church outreach, though that wasn't the case. It was still of limited value as all there was no element of their worldview dealt with outside of a scriptural one. Truly a one-trick-pony.

I remember walking over to the LA Colosseum to see what the Promise Keeper ralky crowd was like. Just kind of generic Christian boosterism like you'd probably expect, though I was already familiar with the darker side of their dogma. I think my friends and I were next door at the old LA Sports Arena for a concert or something.

I always find it both remarkable and more than a little off-putting that people seem to feel that they need to draw others into their worldview out of what I perceive as a glaring insecurity.

:----:

"Nothing angers a believer more than for someone to reject their desperately held religious notions."

~ LanceThruster

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Confident man you are. I wouldn't even come close to getting up there and saying anything. I go to "Brotherhood Supper" the Mennonites put on about every other year. It's low pressure, no pressure, local men I know most of them. Besides the speakers, no one is talking church, just local scuttlebutt.

twill Level 7 Jan 26, 2020

Yeah, for the most part, I don't mind interacting with practically anyone, though there's quite a variation as far as the level of their PR and attemps at outreach. Some simply want to demonstrate a sense of community, whereas others seem to be about trying to establish some sort of superiority of their sect/worldview/communal bonds. Some can be downright cultish.

I used to be the atheist advisor at my university for the student group within the Office of Religious Life. I told the leaders of the other sectarian groups that it was always pleasant to participate in their gatherings even from the standpoint of a humanist as the act of breaking bread together is symbolic and universal in that historically as the act of sharing food represents the desire that others do not starve. I think that is often overlooked these days and is instead often an excuse for gluttony. As is sometimes observed about Thanksgiving, that it it supposedly meant to be about gratitude that one has enough (if that's the case), followed immediately by the orgy of materialism urging you to get more stuff, built around the consumerism of the Christmas season.

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Fuck them all and their trump loving hypocrisy!

They had nothing overtly political, though they began with a generic prayer calling for blessings and guidance for our political leaders.

@WilliamCharles it is the hypocrisy that bothers me.

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I can agree with your take on the whole thing. Regardless of my religious past the names of God and Jesus make about as much sense to me as Zeus and Neptune. As to the "lord, lunatic, or liar" argument we find it totally possible that people do believe odd things. My demented step-dad now thinks that he is rich. Others like him may think they are a famous actor. Jesus (if he existed) is a now famous actor.

Believers rarely notice the overlap and parallels of other creation and savior myths.

I summed up Christianity as follows -

"God sent God to die for God so that God could forgive God's creations according to God's unbending rules."

~ LanceThruster

Too Rube Goldberg for my tastes.

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That was a good thought provoking question you asked them. A good one to ask anybody actually, agnostic,atheist,humanist or other. I like your fourth option toJesus Lord, lunatic or liar too. I remember reading that book many years ago. Josh McDowel or someone like that wasn’t it? That was on my road to understanding. I’ve run into a few Christians over the years bound and bent to correct my skepticism and doubt. Like annoying toothaches I didn’t have adequate intellectual arguments to tell them off. So I felt like telling them to FO but instead just walked away. Feeling kind of miserable.

Yeah, there's always that mindset that the "proof" is out there, but we're just too stubborn to accept it.

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