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My three worst internet dates

For your edification and amusement, here are my three worst Internet dates:

  1. TRY SOAP. Through eHarmony (a waste of time), I met a Ph.D. psychiatrist from Portland. When he lurched off the train in Seattle, he needed assistance because he was disabled and walked with a cane. So much for hiking, I thought. His body odor was disgusting. Raised to have good manners, I refrained from holding my nose. I took him to a restaurant that required walking downstairs. Oops. He barely made it. I said goodbye after lunch.

  2. S-X ADDICT. After emails and phone conversations, I met a man at a café 90 miles away. It was April and cold. Oddly, he insisted on eating outside. All the sane diners were eating inside. I was warmly dressed in winter boots, ski jacket, hat and gloves. So I said okay.

As soon as our lunch was served and the waitress walked away, he leaned over the table and asked me to join him in group s-x . I was aghast. "NO WAY!" I replied, and asked suspiciously, "Whatever gave you the idea that I'd be interested in that?"

You said you were very liberal, he said. "That refers to my political beliefs, not my sexual inclination!" I shot back. I stood up and left, forgetting to take a doggie bag. Drove home hungry and fuming. Arriving home, changed my political beliefs to "liberal."

  1. THE DINOSAUR. One man drove from Seattle to meet me in Wenatchee. Within minutes of meeting, he told me to "dumb down" my conversation. "Men are intimidated by your intelligence and class," he said. I was appalled.

"Speak for yourself," I replied crisply. "Obviously YOU are intimidated by my intelligence. I refuse to act stupid to mollify the insecure ego of a sexist man."

At dinner, he complained bitterly about having a female supervisor. He flew to Russia to find a subservient bride. "None of the girls would go home with me," he said sadly.
He didn't know who he was dealing with. I explained protected groups under Title 7 of the Civil Rights Act and why they are protected.

As planned, after dinner we attended a jazz concert. I was deliberately loud with my applause to irritated him as an uppity woman. By the end of the evening, he wasn't speaking to me.

The next day he emailed me: "I refuse to listen to your feminist religion."

"Feminism is not a religion," I replied. "Although you are two years older than me, you sound one hundred years older. You are a dinosaur. Leave me alone."

Needless to say, there was no second date.

LiterateHiker 9 Aug 9
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22 comments

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7

I hear you....I've had one ask for sex within the first five minutes with a similar interaction after that. I've had another ask if I'd grow my hair out for him about fifteen minutes in.

Another time I met one at a car show; we talked about careers and I was working at the Dept of Corrections at the time. He had to tell me that we'd have to part because he was an interstate bank robber. I looked him up the next Monday and I had to report the meeting to my boss because he told the truth.

I swear it's always something.

Sex???? What's that?

@Larimar

He asked me to join him in group sex! I edited the post and added "group."

@LiterateHiker I guess I'm fortunate mine only wanted the two of us....well, that I know of. I did cut him off pretty quick by getting up and walking out of the coffee house.

6

Haven't bothered to try to go out on a date in umpteen years. Your stories exemplify good reasons not to bother. Thanks for sharing.

5

1.) One guy I met on Plenty of Fish told me he would need me to pick him up and couldn't drive because he was a convicted felon.

2.) One guy canceled our second date because I wasn't ready for sex yet. He just slept with his ex a couple of days ago.

3.) One guy invited me to his pyramid scheme finance job to increase his attendee bonus.

Was he an interstate bank robber? Coulda been the same guy as me.

@Larimar Naw he only assaulted a cop.

5

Keep up the good work and keep us posted. I just cannot be bothered with most men anymore.

5

Dang! Please tell me that you've had GOOD dates, too? These three aren't the norm, right?

My experience with internet dating has been the opposite, both in volume and in quality. I have had a total of ONE date via the internet, and... it was a perfect match. We've been married for nine years now.

I'm impressed that these men were willing to travel so far to meet you. You must be quite a catch!

4

@DenoPenno, @Sgt_Spanky, @Jolanta, @Larimar, @Petter, @TristanNuvo, @FlyingEagle1952, @girlwithsmiles, @Corvislover, @Paganlyl, @UrsiMajor, @BudFrank, @MakeItGood, @AmyTheBruce, @Mitch07102, @anglophone, @hankster, Sgt_Spanky, @NoMagicCookie, @bobwjr, @Cyklone

The words "SEX" in SEX ADDICT and "group sex" keep vanishing from this post. Also 100 was changed to 0, as @anglophone helpfully pointed out. Instead I spelled out "one hundred."

Agnostic.com has prudish censors. Ridiculous.

For two months, words have disappeared from my posts. None were about bodily functions.

Repeatedly, I reported this problem to Agnostic.com. Nothing has been done.

I had a site do that to a number of “curse words” that refer to bodily parts and functions. Not sure why

Man, that'd be pathetic to censor a group of fully grown adults from seeing the word sex. Maybe they'd be less triggered if you referred to it as fucking?

@Sgt_Spanky

I changed the word to "s-x." Problem solved. Will do the same with "f-ck."

Thanks for the heads up on that one. I also see that your 100 has been changed to 0.

In a site that deals with personal relationships, I would have thought that words like "sex" and "group sex" would be de rigeur.

@Sgt_Spanky Now now, dear boy. No "fucking" please. Try "copulating" instead.
...
...
Oh, alright then, fucking is permitted! 😉

@anglophone

Thanks for the heads up. I will spell out "one hundred." Ridiculous.

Probably not a live censor, just an algorithm. But why get rid of 10 and leave 0 instead of the full 100? What possible offense is there in the figure? Even in binary 100 simply equates to 4.

I went on this date once through PlentyOfFish, and we had lunch. She told me she was trying to get custody of her 15 year old grand daughter because the girl's mother, her daughter was in prison. Guess what she was in jail for??? Attempted murder!!! Yeah.....and guess who she tried to kill!!! HER!!! Her own daughter tried to kill her!!! No......I did NOT see her again.....wow....talk about baggage!!! I did meet this Italian woman too on POS. Gorgeous.....she was broke, looking for a sugar daddy......Her last name was Giancana and I asked her if she was related to Sam. She said he was her grandfather. Then she started going on that if her father was still alive, she would have had her ex husband taken out!!!......okay....do you want to hear some more?

Maybe Admin’s worried we’ll attract the wrong crowd to the site. Perhaps their are plenty of sites for that already, or it’s more accepted in the private kink groups, (being a prude out of the bedroon I wouldn’t know 😉).

4

The trials and tribulations of finding kindred spirits. I would hate to be married to a meek, obedient mouse. On the other hand, I wish my wife would admit that I am right - always! ( well almost always, ... well sometimes .... Oh never mind!)

4

dating after 40 is a nightmare. "falling in love".....what's that? Once your kids are grown, it all seems to be a phase of life that is over with. It should be fun, there is always some kind of trial and tribulations going on.....it's just surviving and paying the bills. It's one day at a time. If you meet someone and you get a laugh.....you are lucky.

I actually think it is much easier after 40. One typically has a much better idea of what you want, and more importantly, those things you won't tolerate. The target pool may be smaller, but it is much more refined.

So long as one has enough to eat and a safe place to live, life should be OK. You always have you.

4

Yikes...all this was from eHarmony? Are you a free member, because I think you get the duds that way...

If you're profile doesnt already have these, add the following:

  • " strongly prefer an inshape healthy hiking partner for 3hr hikes three times a week. "
  • "knows what soap is, and how to use it. Daily."
  • "you must politically liberal, feminist, atheist or secular"
  • "seeking LTR, no FWBs, or one night stands - never ever going to happen."
  • "someone who likes complex conversations about...[enter fav subjects]."
  • And for fun: "has not attempted soliciting marriage from poor Russian women...only to be the rejected. Don't ask." 🙂

Yes you're gonna narrow the field down but these are the duds you want to avoid anyways.

@MakeItGood

Men just look at my photos. My profile is clear:

There must be fifty ways to meet your lover.

Hike a new trail, Dale
Climb a new hill, Bill
I’m full of joy, Roy
Come trekkin’ with me.

I’m lookin’ for smiles, Miles
Intellectually smart, Art
Love a man with wit, Mitt
Come set yourself free.

If you are a Trump supporter, hit the back button NOW.

I find the wonder and joy in life. The infinite pleasure in the touch of a hand, the joy of tasting a juicy, ripe peach. Intense, playful, passionate and determined, I have fun every day.

I love hiking to alpine lakes surrounded by white glaciers and jagged mountain peaks. After dark, I look up and feel awed by the glowing Milky Way and billions of sparkling stars. We all need more low-level ecstasy in our lives.

I'm seeking an athletic, intelligent man with a great sense of humor who treats me with respect and kindness. Shared recreational activities are a bonding experience for couples. That's why I want a man who also loves hiking. Although I'm a great cook, I'm not willing to do all of the meal planning, preparation and cooking. Everyone loves the magic words: "Dinner is served."

Loving relationships work best when we add a certain spirit, an attitude of goodwill. I wouldn't know a grudge if it mugged me. I miss the tender touch, laughter, conversation, intimacy, teamwork and fun of a committed, loving relationship.

@LiterateHiker Lol I didn't think it was the same profile as on here! Ok yeah you mentioned essentially everything I could think of that wasnt outright snarky....in a much better way.

Dang...I'm outta ideas. Maybe it's your town? You should come out to Texas for a few months. Hiking is big here. I'm sure you'll meet someone. 🙂

@MakeItGood

I usually date men from Seattle because they are often better educated, more liberal and more fit than rednecks.

Here's my joke about single men in rural Wenatchee:

If I wanted a good ol' boy, fat, Republican, tobacco chewing, gun totin' fisherman and hunter who loves his Harley, snowmobile and chainsaw, I'd be ALL SET.

@LiterateHiker hmm yes...well every town on Earth has its "rednecks". I think big Texas cities will surprise you. If you havent been, don't judge preemptively. I meet a lot of west coast transplants...and they are pleasantly surprised and love it here.

In terms of politics: It may be a red state, but Dallas, Austin, Houston were three large islands of blue in a sea of red in the 2016 election. Austin was blue! The state capitol! They all voted democratic, and heavily. The republicans here are constantly worrying about the state turning purple or blue.

Anyways, All I'm saying is, from my brief experience, Texas cities are attracting the kind of men you seem to be seeking.

Also, I'm trying to attract more democrats here. 🙂 We need pragmatic city liberals to offset the crazy rural conservatives.

@MakeItGood

As a passionate hiker, Texas is too flat. I love the mountains of Washington State.

3

are there ever any that are good? good enough for a second date.

3

Yikes......

A couple of observations:
-I am leery of dating either a psychologist or psychiatrist. These professions attract people with deep-seated issues. With a psychiatrist the level of intellect is impressive, but no thanks. Their issues are deep and will suck you in. .

-Number 3 thankfully seems to be lessening among younger men if for no other reason younger women are unlikely to put up with it as much as prior generations. It is sadly common among men my age, 65, especially those who aren't particularly gifted or haven't maintained themselves well, physically or intellectually. It is often accompanied by anger and a sense of desperation. The world is passing them by, and women their age, like you share in your story here, are unwilling to tolerate people like him any longer. Absent male privilege, they have nothing to offer.

I've not done much internet dating, but fortunately have had good success. I have a knack for filtering people by carefully reading their profiles. The best relationship of my life began on match.com, she reached out to me. I read her profile and immediately thought "I need to meet this woman." She was a PhD and the profile narrative was well-written, not the low-level pap one typically finds. Heaven on earth for seven years.......

"A couple of observations:
-I am leery of dating either a psychologist or psychiatrist. These professions attract people with deep-seated issues. With a psychiatrist the level of intellect is impressive, but no thanks. Their issues are deep and will suck you in. ."

Bloody hell. Any other people you want to classify by profession, or perhaps you'd prefer to do it by colour, gender, age, race or culture. Stereotyping is stereotyping and it's a heinous practice to judge individuals according to the group they belong.

@Cyklone It is based on my life experiences, and those of a small number of people I trust deeply.

If I offended you, apologies. And no, I don't think 100% of them have issues. But I wouldn't put them on the target list, either.

Again, no offense intended.

@Mitch07102 Thank you. I've worked with people in the mental health field, nurses, social workers, psychologists and psychiatrists It's not a job you do for money, at least in aussie, and you don't do it unless you're pretty stable and empathic.
There are ones I exclude from the target list as well, not because I think they're all bad but only because I play the percentages. Eg.anyone with a history of drug abuse.

@Cyklone Next beer's on me. I admire and respect your ability to work with those populations. I could not.

2

Sorry to hear about your bad experiences but thanks for the pics, the Cascades are always awesome!
Mt Pilchuck in the Cascades is a good day trip to the top and back because it once had a ski a ski lift so you can park at about the 3k elev. and enjoy the hike to the top. On a CLEAR day you can see Mt St. Helen!

2

three bad ones! You deserve better than that.

2

Sorry that you are having such a problem with this. My situation is different but websites are starting to ask me if I wanna go on a "virtual date." Hell, no. What would that be? Could we have a "virtual dinner" as well?

2

😳😱🧐
For #1, was it just body odor, or had he messed his pants?
For #2, the topic of sex has never come up on any first date I've been on.
For #3, what an asshole!

You must go on a lot of first dates to have these kinds of misadventures. I'm relieved to hear that none of your worst dates involved danger or violence.

2

Thank you for sharing. I totally fail to understand the mentality of those three men.

Your tale begs an obvious question: What is the best Internet date that you had?

@anglophone, @hankster, @Sgt_Spanky

Of course I had great first dates. In 2016, I wrote in my journal:

Yesterday I had a wonderful time with a retired attorney from the Seattle area. We met through Fitness Singles. During our first date, we had some sweet moments.

We met at the Roslyn Café in the mountains, which was closed for fall/winter hours. Next door, a museum volunteer suggested two restaurants.

This led to wandering around Roslyn. At the bookstore, I asked an employee to suggest nearby hiking trails. We decided to walk down to the Cle Elum River at Suncadia, a fancy housing development with a lodge, restaurants, golf courses and hiking trails.

Hiking down to the river, it was windy and cold. Stuart carefully buttoned my hood under my chin. “Does that feel too tight?” he asked. “It’s perfect,” I replied. “Thank you.”

At the river, I led him over large logs to get close to the water, wearing a short dress, tights and low boots. We sat on a log, enjoying the sparkle of sunlight on the river as it flowed over rocks. “This is perfect,” Stuart said.

“Are you ready to leave?” Stuart asked after a while. “I’m having an ecstatic moment, mesmerized by the river sparkling when it hits the rocks over there,” I replied, pointing. Stuart respectfully waited until I was ready to leave.

Together we challenged the long, steep stairs, climbing up from the river to the ridge where Suncadia is located. The sun came out, bringing surprising heat. We laughed, shucking off our jackets.

With a lousy sense of direction, I got out of the car and immediately turned the wrong way. I spotted Stuart across the street in the bookstore doorway. Tall and thin, Stuart smiled and beckoned me with one hand: “Come here.”

“Where were you going?” Stuart asked, amused. “Were you trying to get away from me?”

“Yes,” I replied jokingly. “Not really. Just wandering, as usual. I said that, trying to cover my ineptness.” He laughed.

Our conversation was effortless. Stuart grew up five miles from my first home in Michigan. We attended the University of Michigan together, but never met. He is four years older. Coming from Michigan, his voice and dry humor sound like home. We both love art, hiking and music.

A dancer, Stuart sent me videos of professional dancers doing different dances in competition. I like the Rhumba because it is slow and sensual. Stuart plans to teach me the Rhumba.

“I want to be with you as long as I can,” Stuart said, offering me a cup of black bean soup before leaving. Good idea. I smiled all the way home.

@LiterateHiker sweet. 😜 I wonder if he knows how much trouble he's in for...🤪 .....just teasing.

@LiterateHiker Wait, I'm confused. I remember you seeing a guy named Stuart about two years ago and it ended badly. Is this the same guy?

@Sgt_Spanky

When Stuart 2016 is upgraded, he will have a sense of humor installed.

It's not the same Stuart.

2

I've often been amused by all the myriad dating misadventures you've shared. It's been like a reality TV dating show you have to read and all the episodes are cringy. It seemed like you'd found a keeper with the doctor but, no, that didn't work out either.

It's a game of averages to be certain but are you sure you want to keep doing this?

2

Wow. You've had a rash of psychos

Psychos......LIKE Donald Trump!!!

2

Wow nightmare

1

Three bad dates?

  1. cyber stalked me, sending me nice messages daily until I agreed to a date. He said he was affectionate. I met him in a cafe not far from my home.
    He was overly affectionate, nice to talk to, but had shocking octopus hands. We never had a second date.
  2. didn’t get the jokes, I tried to joke, as I do when nervous. The one I remember failing the worst was, he said i had a nice back, (I was learning aerial circus skills for fun, so pretty strong back then), I said, ‘so you like to see the back of me?’ He just just looked at me strangely and said, ‘no’...it was meant to be funny!
  3. and a generic third, the guys that seemed lovely, but i just didn’t have chemistry, those dates are a little sad, as a small dream dies, and seldom lead to friendship.
1

That's unfortunate. I have had similar comments about being a radical liberal including my sexual habits. It appears they didn't know that we won the right to vote?

1

I've only had two.
One was really great, and we hit it off rather well. But, a long distance. And, back then Skype can only bridge a distance for so long. And seeing each other once every so many months is just doomed to not be fruitful.

The second was great on line, but actually meeting was eventually pushed off way too many time. and found out that they were not the person they acted to be.

I'm not saying I won't try for a third. But I am fairly good at being by myself, or with friends, that it's not something I need per se. more like, if it happens, it happens.

But to be honest. That has been the norm of just dating in general for most of my life. Every new person is a bit of an adventure. and the first part of that adventure is getting through the 'niceties' and getting to know each other's real self.

Sometimes that has worked out great, I do have to admit. But some times when the mask, and script are removed. they are not even close to what I have thought.

But hell. that same thing even applies to friends as well.

I love meeting new people in any respect. But man, oh, man do I hate the, trying to get past the 'avitar' for lack of a better word.

I think the best connections I have ever had were from meeting some one, with out any pretense, and we just had a great conversation. and it went from there,........

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