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I can't believe I told a 45-year-old guy, "Stop acting so helpless."

Do you get newbies asking for help? I've had a rash of them. Today it was a heavily tattooed guy from Miami. No written profile. His dark "sleeve" tattoos looked like a lizard.

He lead with the usual, lame "How are you?" No name given. Poor social skills. He didn't show he read, or even understood, my replies.

"I'm new here," he repeated. So, I explained how to increase levels and the perks of different levels. Where to find community guidelines. Our exchange quickly crumbled.

HIM- "Honestly I'm new on the site and I don't understand it that much. I hope you can be my friend and put me through. And please feel free to ask me anything."

ME- "Read my messages. I kindly explained how Agnostic.com works. It's not my job to hand-hold you. Stop acting so helpless. Show some intelligence and initiative."

"Put me through" was strange wording. Americans don't talk like that. A Nigerian scammer?

I reported and blocked him.

LiterateHiker 9 Jan 2
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10 comments

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2

I have been married four times, and I didn't marry most of the men who proposed. I have never been in a relationship where I didn't do all the emotional heavy lifiting. All of it. This is why I'm done.

Deb57 Level 8 Jan 3, 2021
1

I wonder what it's like to be approached by a stranger. Is it always horrible?

@BitFlipper

I stopped going to bars in my early 20s. Men grabbed me, tried to spike my drink, put their arms around me, and would not leave me alone. It was terrifying.

I never hike alone, never run after dark, avoid shopping after sunset, never go to bars, and keep my car and house doors locked at all times.

At age 30 I hiked alone to beautiful Spider Meadows. Men on horseback with guns were heading up for the high hunt.

"Hey pretty lady! Where are you spending the night? We'll join you! Har, har, har!" I felt terrified.

Since age 15 when I developed breasts, I have been grabbed by men, kissed against my will, sexually assaulted and continually catcalled.

As a result, I have PTSD. Women and girls are not safe in America. It's worse across the world.

I dress modestly and walk fast with good posture, head high, shoulders back. Never look at my phone or in my purse while walking.

@LiterateHiker that might be why you react with revulsion. But those of us who have never been approached (for good or bad) aren't clued in.

@BitFlipper

"You look like a victim," a man said on a first date in 2019.

"I don't feel like a victim!" I shot back. "I walk with strength and good posture, constantly scanning."

"Because you are thin, you look easy to grab," he explained.

This chilled me to my core. His words haunt me still.

@LiterateHiker Sounds like you are way overdue for some marital arts/women's defense courses . even if you never use what you learn, the self confidence that you gain in the kind of situations you describe can put a halt to anything else happening. The world looks far less terrifying when you're able to become a terror yourself - if need be.

@evergreen

Due to the pandemic, there are no self-defense classes available.

I stay safe by staying alert and being smart. I don't drink alcohol.

@LiterateHiker I wasn't speaking literally of "right now" - but when the opportunity arises....

@LiterateHiker:

Because I only watch broadcast TV, I have been watching the "Justice Channel" from Aurora, IL the last couple of years. It is true crime shows, one after another. Mostly it seems, crimes against women.

What an education it has been for me. It is sad and sick what has been heaped on women in this country, just in the recent past alone. There are many Ted Bundies, Green River Killers out there, let alone those who have only killed, raped, abused "only a few" women.

I feel for you. Keep up your defenses.

1

I find it difficult to believe that this is a rare thing for you. If you're anything like me, it's a regular occurrence.

@Larimar

I wrote: "Do you get newbies asking for help? I've had a rash of them."

"A rash of them" means a slew, mob, assemblage, cluster, bunch, multitude or assortment.

It's not rare.

@LiterateHiker Semantics here, to me a rash is a a new rush, mob, etc. It's not something that is constant and unending. But we all have our own definitions to words that we use and it can cause confusion. My apologies for mine.

@Larimar

You're right. Like a skin rash, it's a group that suddenly appears.

Not constant and unending.

1

I would have blocked him too. I'm not someone who enjoys mothering strangers.

3

Helpless little man child. How do those even exist. I had a date once with a younger man, he was looking for a woman to help him grow up. I told him I wasn't his mama, I had raised kids that were all independent and I didn't need to repeat that experience. I told him if I needed a project I would stop in at a fabric store. Seriously, If I ever met his mother I'd likely slap her.

@HippieChick58

Hilarious! Love your reply. Well done.

1

Yes you usually can pick them out fairly quickly

1

Sounds like a scammer trying the “poor me” approach

1

intelligence and initiative may be just too much to expect these days, but aren't too much to ask for. 😏

1

I haven't suffered through this yet, and hope I don't. Glad you blocked him.

2

The fact that this site is advertised as a "Dating" site doesn't help I would think. You have to expect a few will be focused on that angle. My sympathy...😒

Yes and indeed I have had a few.

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