I learned to stop putting my failed choices on the other person.

I empathize with you. I spent 30 years in a marriage in which life was an endless series of (pardon the expression) "mind fuck games." The last 20 years of that marriage were so bad that I actually dreaded coming home from work each day, not knowing what I was going to be hit with or why -- but knowing that it was coming. I finally left her to preserve my sanity and health. Incidentally, I made a much better choice the second time around and we do not play games with each other.

Everyone who has a problem with relationships usually has demons in their past. You have to recognize those demons-to avoid them in the future. With me it was being attracted to alcoholics and drug addicts. You see my parents liked socializing with alcohol. I never considered them alcohlic-oh no not my well-off parents. I ignored behaviors of my mom passing out in restaurants and my dad cracking his head and crawling on the bathroom floor. This was normal behavior to me. 8 years ago I got it and ended an abusive 10 yr relationship. I always felt I had to take care of everybody-no more-take care of me first. Dating for the first time in my life. Not in a hurry to make another mistake. Always respect your partner and make sure they respect you.