7 6

I'm quite glad, I'm not participating in this anymore.

Lorajay 9 Feb 9

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Such endurance. Those 3 cockerels could really bust a move. Very funny. Thanks.


I posted this because I thought it was probably a good example of young people of both sexes that really wanted to meet each other but didn't know how to go about it.

I love to dance and I used to go to an old folks dancehall where nobody smoked and there were lots of singles.I started going there with a older couple that met there and needed someone to drive them at night. I found it to be a lot of fun but I really think at that time I was only going to dance. I eventually did meet a guy and dated him for a few months but like many guys his age he was determined not only to tell me what to do but what to think. He was evidently considered the best catch of the club and he was better looking than most and a very good dancer. After we parted company I decided it was just too far to go to dance plus I started dating a local guy who really wasn't a very good dancer.

I think the point of this story is that every person that I've ended up dating since my husband died was not met on a dating site or a club crawl. I met both of them doing something that I liked to do. Besides I wasn't all uptight and worried about impressions when I met them and neither were they except maybe the dancehall guy.

Your story is interesting and I can relate. I met my late wife at a folk dance while each of us were there with our respective group of friends. Unfortunately, that folk dance scene in my area pretty much died out a couple decades ago, so it's no longer a viable way to meet other singles. Before Covid, there was a small weekly ballroom dance event going on and I checked it out, but lost interest pretty quickly because it involved more dance skill and practice than I was interested in and those were clearly necessary if one was going to actively participate in that scene. I'm also not that good a dancer even if I practice regularly, so I don't enjoy the ballroom dance that much as a single. I enjoyed it more when I went with my wife.

It's interesting that both of us managed to meet someone to date as middle-aged or senior adults who were merely showing up to do something we enjoyed attending with our friends. Too bad I don't have a similar group of friends to hang with at social events like that anymore, with the exception of when I used to attend karaoke with my friends before Covid. I would probably qualify as "uptight" about impressions in your book, Lorajay. Nowadays, the only two types of events I attend where I am doing what I enjoy and have any chance of meeting someone to date are karaoke and live music. You have, if I may say so, looks that are easily above average for your age. I, on the other hand, do not and am also male, which means in my local area of mostly traditional-minded people, that I usually have to do the approaching and pursuing. I had to do that when I met my late wife way back then at the dance. I'm curious if both of the men you met for dating approached you or vice versa. My bet is both of them approached you, since this was traditional OK culture. I don't miss the club scene at all when it was the main venue for meeting other singles before internet dating. Even dating sites have way less games and bullshit to have to navigate and risk public humiliation.

@TomMcGiverin both guys pursued me. The second one was a Bernie Bro I met while working in the campaign.

I actually don't think anything would have ever happened if they hadn't pursued me. One of the most attractive things about a guy can be one that is obviously attracted to you.

@Lorajay I'm not at all surprised and it proves my point about how men my age living in conservative, traditional culture places like Iowa or OK end up having to do about all the pursuing or approaching of women in the dating game, whether it's on a dating site or at an in person event. I wish more women were sensitive and empathetic to what we go thru being pretty much forced into that role if we want to meet any single women. The only exceptions I can think of are when a man is exceptionally good looking, then the women will pursue him, but that's never been me and it isn't most men. I think that most women who do understand are the ones who are below average-looking, as they know the same woes of rejection, tho in their case it stems from being passed over or passively rejected by men who don't pursue them vs. the experience of men who suffer public rejection when they approach a woman in person at an event or private rejection when they message a woman on a dating site. It sucks to be the often rejected no matter what your gender. With your looks, I was ready to bet that both men approached you first and pursued you, it's the perk of being above average looking, no matter which gender you are. Being average-looking, I am forced to play the traditional male role in the dating game.

At the suggestion of a married male friend, I even had a sort of business card with my contact info and my hobbies and interests on it to give out to women I meet at live music events, instead of having to ask for their phone number and find something to write it on. You might think that kind of thing following an approach is attractive to you, but after handing out a few of those cards, none of the women ever called me. My guess is that women here in Iowa are just too traditional to feel comfortable calling a man first even if he is soliciting the contact and being New Age sensitive enough to give them the option of calling or not instead of going the traditional route and putting them on the spot by asking for their contact info. Damned either way.. Man I hate traditional culture here and how almost all the single women seem to be conditioned by it. I know in my bones the pickings would be so much better in Chicago or Minneapolis. If only I had ended up there by my age with an established group of friends.....

@TomMcGiverin I'm doing my best to be helpful to you. A positive and persistent attitude is much more attractive than a woe is me attitude.

@Lorajay I keep my "attitude", as you put it, to myself as I get to know someone. I don't need your help. I have in person friends for that and they do the job. I don't need your smug perspective as a good looking woman. The men come to you with no effort on your part.. You live a different reality than me and you either don't realize it or don't want to admit it. Again, I don't need your help or judgement. Whether you realize it or not, you have the dating game equivalent of white privilege due to your gender and looks. It entitles you and Julie, below, to sit back and do your choosing of the pick of the litter.


Pretty on the mark. I haven't visited dance clubs or the bar scene with the intent of meeting women since I was in my 20s and even then it was pretty demoralizing, even tho I was noticeable better looking with a full head of hair and an athletic body. Since then I have only entered bars to sing karaoke or listen to live music. The dance club and meat market bar scene are a ridiculous waste of time for people once they are middle aged or older. I did go to one of them just out of morbid curiosity after a woman at a singles group for older adults that I briefly attended said that she went to this one club to meet men and dance. So I gave it an hour one night and it was exactly like this nature video. Really loud music, very packed, nowhere to sit, lots of women dancing together just like in the video amusing themselves with the advances of guys approaching them. Total bullshit. Nobody knows or can tell who there is actually interested in meeting other singles, who is there just to dance with their female friends, who is there mainly to chase sex (undoubtedly a minority of the women, but probably most of the single men) or who is maybe more than one of the above.

And it's not worth any man's time or money to hang out there futilely trying to figure it out. Dating sites, cesspools that they are, are much better because at least most of the people on there-excluding the scammers and fake profiles-are at least nominally interested in meeting people to date. I have run across a number of women who say they refuse to use dating sites to meet men, because they say they can do that just as easily for no money by going to bars and dance clubs instead. And that may be true for the women who are above average looking, since there will always be men at those places who will buy them drinks, etc. and I saw evidence of that when I did my one hour field trip to the dance club. But the woman, no matter what her looks, will still have to pay their own cover charge if there is one for the club, and few men are going to approach a woman who is below average looking compared to the other women at the club. I also noted that the women I've run across in the last few years who say they will do clubs and bars before using dating sites, are NOT blessed with the kind of looks that will get them lots of free drinks, but I managed to refrain from my usual nature and tell them they would be paying their own way at the bars and clubs if they choose that route over dating sites.

Bottom line is, if you are male at all, or a below average looking female, you are going to have to spend some money to meet dating prospects at my age. The choice is spending money on a dating site or else at the bars and clubs. In my mind, if I'm going to try meeting female strangers at public events, then I'm going to spend my money on live music events, since I will at least get some entertainment and enjoyment from the music even if I don't meet any single women. And I will also know going in that these women at least share my taste in music and are less likely to be big fans of country music, which I can't stand.

Happy fucking Valentine's Day, fellow singles...


White people dancing....


I'm glad that I'm no longer in the mating game. I go out in a mixed gender group bubble once or twice a week - and we dance as a group, individually and spaced out.

Lately I've been getting approached from single (strangers) guys and girls who ask me to dance, but I don't want to introduce anyone new to my social safety bubble. I usually first try avoiding eye contact when I can sense them making their move toward me, and then I politely rebuff them after they ask me to dance. I'm usually already dancing anyway, so I just invite them to join the group and admit that I prefer to dance by myself during covid.

I like dancing with my group/table for safety and moral support. I've got girlfrends and guyfriends who can come to my rescue if I get unwanted attention that I can't fend off. They would be shocked if I ever actually wanted attention, since I'm pretty picky with who I share my time, but I guess it could happen! I'm just glad to have the time and opportunity to go to the outdoor dance spots here locally. Not looking to pick anyone up when I go out. 🙂

Like the women in the video and what you describe about your social bubble/dance group, it seems ridiculous to me that I would even think of trying to approach a woman who is hanging tight to their little group. To me it sends a clear message that they are very unlikely to be interested in meeting single men for dating, so why bother approaching? I will approach a woman at a music event if their body language and eye contact seem open or inviting, but even an idiot should be able to read the body language and facial expressions of the women in the video that they do not want to be approached or meet men. Sometimes I wish more women had to experience what it's like for men to almost always have to make the approach at a dance club or bar, because, unlike you, who seem to send clear messages to men and are sensitive to what is going on at the clubs, I think too many women are very smug and callous about what men, at least the sensitive ones who aren't players or pick up artists, have to go thru in a lifetime....

@TomMcGiverin Yep, I try to be loud and clear that I'm not looking to date, and most guys get that, but there are some men who try anyway. Glad there are some guys like you who are more thoughtful before approaching and can sense whether someone is open to meet anyone.

To be honest, I might be open to meeting someone who had the right vibe with me, or who caught my eye, but I'd rather discover that in conversation when the music stops rather than up close coziness with a stranger these days. That's just me.

Before covid though - if there was a song playing that I really wanted to dance to, I might entice someone to dance with me, and that's a clear signal that I want to dance, but that's all, not trying to pick up anyone. Just want to have fun.

I do know that sometimes when I turn someone down they might be a bit sad about it for a few minutes, but I'm not going to go out of my comfort zone to dance with someone I don't feel a connection with. My hope is that I'm putting out strong enough signals that nobody will bother me. And if that changes for me, then the object of my desire at that time will know it.

@Julie808 I respect your routine and your style, but to me it sounds like having to go thru a lot of trouble and do a lot of work at the dance place to get what you want and still navigate and deal with the attentions of strange men that you encounter. I guess that's the price you're willing to pay to get your dance fix. Wouldn't be worth it to me, personally, but I don't feel as strongly about dancing as you do. I do feel that way about karaoke and getting my chances to perform and sing, at least I do at this point in my life. I put up with some annoying things in order to get my karaoke fix, such as bad singers and lots of country music in order to get my enjoyment of singing myself and listening to my friends sing that I hang with at the show.




That was always pretty much my experience going out! 🤣

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