I think there are many ways of appeasing others whilst pleasing yourself - as a rule for myself I don't lie to myself; and at the same time am very happy to go along with anyone else's custom because I am not believing in it. I am not lying to myself that this is all real for me - I am there going along with friends maybe doing what they are doing but never believing that I am doing anything other than not mis-making myself in this company of people whom I like /love.

My partner and i have silly traditions that no one else would really get ; like a good night poem that we made up that gets bits added and is so silly we do it clownishly with gusto and lots of dramatic voices and facial and body gestures - (we live in different flats in the same complex and so retire to our own places.)

I guess it depends on the tradition. Some people love any and all traditions, while others want nothing to do with them.

Rugglesby mentioned Father's Day. This was always a difficult one for me, because I grew up without a father. Back then, I was the only kid I knew who didn't have a dad. So I just had to suffer though that day.

Tradition you say?

Depends on the tradition

I don't substitute for the sake of filling a hole or gap. So since I was Never into church I didnt have to look for a substitute, when I divorced didnt remarried. Etc, etc, etc.

Traditions change over time, it's only natural because traditions are founded in social norms and they change so traditions change. My mother is a JW, they don't do toasting because of some obscure passage in their bible, so I try to refrain from toasting around her. A small thing, a concession to her out of respect and appreciation of the unconditional love she has always given to her children. I won't go into her church or read her magazines and I do my best to avoid debates about her religious beliefs because I won't have her with me much longer. I moved back to Canada to be there for her, I hate winter but I love her more than that. Do what works for you in your heart, if it makes her happy then it's worth it in my books.

A tradition that serves no purpose should be dispensed with, if we persist with them, there needs to be more to it

I hate tradition but love some traditions. I love Christmas but obviously don't believe any of the nonsense. I don’t like it when people are dogmatic about tradition. Like it is important or something. I just like them but they are not important.

My family's tradition is basically holidays and food. It doesn't revolve around religion. Being in each others company and eating until we explode is what it's about lol

I dislike traditions.

I don't have many traditions, don't do christmas /easter/ adn at the moment I am questioning and evaluating and throwing out things "I 'should' be doing " because I want a change in my life - that reflects what being 70 y.o is all about - I have people in my housing scheme who talk to me as if I were a child - and I am blatantly ignoring them - I won't speak any more to anybody who puts me down .. there was a tenant here who violently attacked me in the last 7 months and so I am re writing my rule book.

My daughter and I have dealt with traditions on a case by case basis. We used to buy candy at Easter and have a big dinner, but realized that's disingenuous and we don't need the calories anyway. We love Thanksgiving and always have the same exact meal that we had when my parents were alive but we never say (and never said) grace. Christmas we view not as a religious holiday celebrating someone's birth, but rather as a universal holiday celebrating the fact that days are now going to start getting longer (on the 21st). So Christmas to us is just a way to celebrate those people we love. I can't think of any sort of religious tradition that we follow at all except for the fact that if someone we care about is getting married in or buried from a church we will attend.

I am anti-ritual, anti-oath, anti-tradition-for-its-own-sake. I tolerate harmless little social niceties like raising a toast or whatever but I don't salute flags or stuff like that. I realize this makes me threatening to others who are bound up in their paradigms and I don't go around squawking about it or putting others down for what they do. I just don't participate.

I'm conflict-averse so it really stresses me out when im in a position where I don't want to violate my values but neither do I wish to be seen as issuing a declaration of war on the social establishment for refusing to comply with certain norms.

Well, my question is quiet literally a 50/50 split down the middle. Half the time I’m forced to bow my head to say grace when eating (although I don’t mind if it makes other people happy. I don’t say it or the amen afterwords.). The other half the time, we don’t have a “grace” session. We just make our plates and eat.

But I’m sorry to hear about your mother’s dementia. I know that can be a horrible disease. I wish you and your family the best.