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A guy on a dating profile is sending me some of his original poetry, which is the worst stuff I've ever read, and also makes me think he's insane. My question is: Since I'm compulsively polite, and also don't want to anger a possibly crazy person, what should I do? I feel like ghosting, but that isn't polite either. Yikes! There are some weird ones out there...Good grief; he just sent it to me a second time!

Organist1 8 Nov 29

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I received copies of 154 sonnets written by a man on a dating APP…all quite good…upon my request, when I learned he had written them. He is one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. Also very creative. I wish he had been truly ready for a relationship, because I liked him a lot. His partner had been an alcoholic who committed suicide. How cruel she had been to him when she was drinking was quite apparent in some of the sonnets. I had to tell him he wasn’t ready. Come to think of it, it has been more than a year…I should check in on him.

Sounds like he was a treasure.

@Organist1 yes, just not in a good place emotionally.


Just block him

bobwjr Level 10 Nov 30, 2021



Just tell him you are not a good match. No need to criticize his writing.

Then BLOCK him. (brushes off hands)



Be honest and tell him his poetry does not "speak to" you, and that the insight has given you reason to think the two of you would not be well suited. If you are somewhat self-deprecating about it, perhaps he'll decide it's because you are somehow flawed in your outlook or thinking, then he can reject you.

Deb57 Level 8 Nov 29, 2021

Tell him you're just not into poetry and that he might be happier finding someone with a "poetic soul" like he has. 😀

Ha-ha, but I am into poetry, and it is in my profile. 🙂 It's probabl/y better to just say I like a different type of poetry.


honesty might be best this time, served with a balm of Mother Goose.


Many years ago I had a similar experience except this was before things were posted online. She gave me a book she had made and even though I’m not into poetry even I knew it was weird. I kept making excuses and she eventually went away.

Good thing she wasn't a stalker! You never know what you're going to run into sometimes. I am into poetry, and was an English major for two years before I changed my major. I've never seen anything as pompous as this guy's stuff. It would be laughable if I didn't feel sorry for him.


Honesty is always the best policy, although you can communicate your disinterest without mentioning the poetry at all. Good luck!


Make up a good excuse for deciding not to pursue any relationships at this time-- some phony excuse for deciding not to pursue any relationships at this time.


I would simply tell him that you do not think he is a match for you. No need to comment on the poetry at all.

Agreed. That is what plenty of women have done with me after I have messaged them the first time, or sometimes, later on after trading messages a while. While nobody owes anyone an explanation in online dating as to why they are rejecting someone or decided they aren't a match for them, sometimes I do ask for one from the woman, and sometimes I get one, sometimes I don't. When I reject someone after they have messaged me or met me in person, which is rare, because I am usually the one being rejected, it is usually because I simply don't find the woman physically attractive enough to want to continue contact, not because of other compatibility factors. And that is probably because the profile info and messaging are usually enough for me to determine compatibility with them pretty well prior to the in person meeting, except for the regular wild card of physical attraction or chemistry. Sometimes that is already obvious from the profile photos, and sometimes it's not.

But when I reject someone for that reason, I am kind enough to never volunteer that that is the reason I am rejecting someone, as I know that most women get rather upset at that news. But, in rare cases, a woman has asked me why I rejected her, and, instead of giving her some lame other reason for my decision, I have told them the truth. And even then, they usually get mad at me for it. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Adults should learn to act like adults, as in, if they ask for the truth, then be ready to handle it. If not, don't ask for it. I treat all adults like adults, and if they ask for the truth or an explanation, I will give it to them, instead of making up some excuse or lame false reason. If they can't handle it or are lying about what they want from me, that's their problem and fault, not mine.

@TomMcGiverin That's good advice. I think in this case, the less said, the better. He just seems really odd, and not in a good way.

@Organist1 I think you have the right idea. People need to remember in these situations that this is a harmless stranger, that hasn't met you, doesn't know where you live, etc., unless you have already shared this with them, so there is no need to get paranoid that you are going to be stalked, etc.. Once you send the kiss off message and let them read it, then you block them, and it's over and done with. I don't get why some people, esp. women on dating sites, act like the man can reach out thru the computer and harm them. Because unless you have given out a bunch of identifying info already, which I doubt you are careless enough to have done, he can't do anything to you once you block him on the dating site.

But too many people seem to forget as grownups on dating sites, that sticks and stones may break your bones, but words in a dating site message can't really hurt you, so why be so damn afraid of upsetting someone, when you have the ability to block them once you have heard enough? Is your pride or hurt feelings really that important? Talk about First World problems.....

@TomMcGiverin No, I never give that out on a dating site, unless I've been talking to the person for a while and feel that I can trust him. A person (men included) can't be too careful. I had a stalker once many years ago from my workplace, but I also know a man who was stalked, and had to put in a security system because of it. It's a scary world.

@Organist1 Never been stalked, so I am honestly not afraid of it. Never give out my full name until I have met someone in person a few times, so that way they can't even find me on FB, much less get my phone number or address with just a first name and age. Also never gave out where I worked even before I retired, the first year or so I was on Match. Even if someone tried to stalk me, I could block their phone number, and I live in a building with security doors and plenty of neighbors who could confront them if they hung around outside. Plus, my car is in an indoor locked garage, so they can't vandalize it when I am home. So I have little to worry about even if someone got thru my screening during the early dating process. The danger would be if I gave too much ID info later and they tried to steal my identity or go stalking me away from home.

@TomMcGiverin It sounds like your security is good. Crime is escalating these days. I'm not as worried about the run-of-the-mill criminals as I am about someone with a mental health problem who is obsessed. :-0

@Organist1 Agreed. I am, or would be more worried, about someone who I date a while and then went psycho on me, as they would already know where I live and other things about me, so it would be more than just blocking them by phone and online, like having to worry about them following me around, trashing my car away from home, etc., or even doing ID theft. At the same time, I am becoming more worried that we may have civil war in a few years, if the Repubs somehow lose in the next election or two, and there will be shooting in the streets of right wingers against anyone they feel is their political enemy.

I already have an asshole Trumper that is being creepy towards me around the senior center where I have been picking up lunches to go before their new building opens next month. Last time, while I was inside getting my lunch, I noticed his car stopped behind my car, so I ran out to confront him. He was taking a cell photo of my car and its license plate and I yelled at him to get the fuck away from my car. He lied and said he was just taking a pic of a sign on the side of the building, a church. Yeah, right, there was no sign on that area of the building. I told him, correctly, that the new building has plenty of cameras on the outside of it, so if he fucks with my car, I will have his ass on video and will go straight to the cops to press charges, won't even bother with the senior center staff, and I will then own his ass. He muttered and drove off. I almost hope he tries to get physical with me in the parking lot, because I would love to finish his ass if a fistfight was initiated by him.

@TomMcGiverin wow, be careful! A nut like that guy could be packing heat. I totally agree with you about a coming civil war. I've already heard about right-wingers wanting to shoot democrats, scientists, journalists. and basically anyone they perceive in their twisted minds might disagree with them. I feel like I'm living in a zombie apocalypse, and the zombies are open-carrying AK-47s. My ex husband, who is very left-wing, bought a rifle, just in case. He's from Arkansas..🙂 I really, really don't want a gun.

As far as crazy stalkers are concerned, I've never had one from a dating site, just from work. That's a long, strange story.

@Organist1 I appreciate your concern, but he's too chickenshit to do anything to me on camera, including shove or hit me outside the senior center. My beef with him began months ago when I confronted his buddy, another Trumper who he comes to the center with everyday, rides with him usually and eats with him. I confronted his buddy about how offensive I found his MAGA hat and asked if he could consider leaving it off from wearing it at the center, where we all just come to eat lunch and not hear him and his buddy bringing in their Trump love and loudly mouthing off about it every day for the whole room to hear. Needless to say, his buddy went ballistic about how he loves Jesus and The Constitution, etc. and that's why he wears the hat, etc. After that he and I continued to argue inside the dining room, and that is where his buddy, the guy who took a pic of my car last week, stood up later in the dining room and loudly yelled at me, "How about we go outside and I kick your ass?", to which I said, "You all just heard him threaten me with criminal assault. I want him banned or suspended from here" Needless to say, the staff there and their supervisors were too chickenshit to do anything but talk to him about it, since his politics are the majority in my town. But I made it clear to the staff and their supervisors, that if he ever tried to get physical with me, or threatens me again in front of witnesses, I am going straight to the cops, not them, since they refused to give him any real consequences for his threat.

I also told them that I am not physically afraid of him or his buddy, if they hit me, I will finish them in a one on one fight, And they will go to jail for it, not me. Same thing if they fuck with my car on camera outside the center, I will go straight to the cops, since they refuse to punish these assholes for their behavior.

@TomMcGiverin Wow, you're brave. I don't think they expect many people to confront them about their idiocy. They are cowards, so be careful when you're out of sight of the senior center cameras. I wonder if you can get a restraining order against them because they threatened you. That would keep them out of the senior center for a while. I guess I'm lucky to live in a liberal college town, but just west of here is Trumphaven.

@Organist1 Believe me, I thought about the restraining order on him, after he threatened me, but I was concerned that, with the way the staff would not stand up to him, that they would retaliate by banning me from the center, how ironic, on the rationale that I started it and am the problem, instead of him. I also considered that if they did that, I would go to the Iowa chapter of the ACLU to seek help in suing them for discriminating against me if I went to court to get an order against him. I decided to back off and wait and see. But now, I see that he is not going to stop his shit as long as he can get away without consequences. But I think even he knows that if he vandalizes my car on camera, or touches me on camera, and is clearly the aggressor, he will be crossing a line where the center staff cannot protect him and the cops will side with me, due to the clear evidence. I am not concerned that he will put in the time to follow me around town and trash my car somewhere else. I don' think he's smart and ambitious enough to do it. He may well also own a gun, but I don't think he has the guts to use it, when all the record shows that he is making the threats, not me, and I have always left him alone since the first incident, so he would have no case that I was escalating things or going after him.

The whole reason I confronted his buddy, the MAGA hat guy, in the first place, was to shake his smug arrogance that everybody there agreed with his BS and politics. I think it's important to confront and stand up to these idiots, so they don't feel so smug and emboldened to say and do whatever they want to.

@TomMcGiverin That's a very good point. These knuckle-draggers love to bully people who don't subscribe to their MAGA crap, so they flaunt their stupidity in public, thinking no one will confront them. If it were me, though, I'd get a dash cam.

@Organist1 I've had that suggested by other people and I may end up doing that, we'll see. The benefit of that would be protection away from the senior center. But another thing to remember, is that most parking lots of Targets, Wal-Marts, and other box stores, as well as grocery stores, is that they have cameras for their parking lots. So, since those are pretty much where I go in my city besides the senior center, I am fairly well protected by cameras about anywhere in Ankeny that they might follow me besides the senior center. I am a cheap bastard, and hate the idea of spending money on something because bullies force me to do it for protection. I hope I never need to go so far as to buy a handgun to protect myself in the future, but if needed, I would have no moral, political or ethical problem in doing so. And if I did get one, I would go all in on learning how to shoot well, since I would intend to win if these pricks decided to bring it on.... I live in a 55 and over senior condo apartment complex, but I doubt they have any rules or bylaws against owning and keeping firearms in your home here, you just can't use them on the property, I assume.

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