Agnostic.com

27 12

Losing friends

Has anybody else felt isolated from people after telling them you are an atheist? I was raised Jewish in the Bible Belt and just realized a few years ago that being affiliated with any religion is better in the Bible Belt than not believing in any higher power. I’ve definitely been discriminated against more as an atheist! Should I even bother trying to explain that I still have morals and empathy?

Iloatheusernames 4 Apr 25
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

27 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

8

It's a good way to weed people out. Do you really want to hang out with someone who questions your morality because you don't share their delusion?

Not all religious people question the morality of atheists. Many may question the source of your morality because they feel theirs is so completely tied to their religion, but that's not the same thing as thinking you're immoral.

@Yosemite62 perhaps, but Ive grown weary of people wondering how I can have morality when I don't believe in God. If one can't Invision treating their fellow humans in a decent manner, without the fear of punishment by a skydaddy, I really don't feel like I want to hang out with them. As I mention in my bio, the older I get the more I prefer my company to that of most other people.

6

You do not owe anyone anything. Especially not an explanation of coming to the default position of logic and reason.
They have their preconceived notions, borne of their ignorance. Nothing you can tell them will
make any difference, at all. They have to come to it on their own.

Welcome to the asylum. Enjoy your stay.
We've got a pretty good group here.

Love it! THANKS!

3

Just be yourself! Religious people sometimes cannot fathom someone being a good and decent person without a deity, so show them. Atheism tells them what you Don't Believe it says nothing about what you do believe. That is why I use the term "Secular Humanist" most often. I pursue happiness and think others should too, but with Compassion and Integrity. Studies show that people who are generally good have much happier lives over those that are evil or do bad things.

Someone wiser than I am said something about "Living well is the best revenge." I like that.

3

That usually happens long before one reaches the point of Atheism.
Simply asking questions which demonstrate independent logical thought can Trigger all that stuff.

3

I've lived in a lot of places, but never the Bible Belt. But I have to agree - when I say I don't believe in GOD, I get the impression that people assume I'm depraved and immoral, rather than drawn to questions with many answers. But I have found (but again, not in the Bible Belt) that if I don't have that conversation until a few months into our interactions, they usually don't assume the worst about me.

Do you live in a city or a small town? I'm from the Midwest - fairly conservative small town - but always preferred the anonymity of the city, and religion was one of the reasons. (I didn't want everyone in my town knowing what an evangelical dude my Dad was. His own dad was an atheist, and so the pendulum swings...).

Does it come up in conversation a lot where you live? (i.e. people ask what church you go to, and then melt away from you upon your revelation) Or is it more like a lot of socializing happens around religion, so they don't know what category to put you in if you say you're unaffiliated?

Thanks for the response. I am loving this site and feel less alone already! I live in a factory town with a church on every corner. It comes up all the time. People inviting me to their churches when I simply say I don’t go to one. It usually snowballs from there. Sadly, church and strip clubs are the only social spots in this town. I don’t attend either. ?

@Iloatheusernames it's pretty hilarious that those are the two social choices. I wonder if the strip clubs have prosthelytizers too (peeps who WANT to be there, so pretend they're there in the name of god...hey it's dirty work, saving sinners)

@Supercali I wouldn’t be surprised!

3

Try your best to be truthful and forthcoming without being judgemental, but keep your expectations low. I wouldn't volunteer any information, but give matter of fact answers when asked, and politely hold your ground. Good luck!

3

If you want to fight, then sure. Caveat: I often like to fight. Check out Penn of Penn & Teller fame for advice on atheism. He can kill and steal and rape all he wants without God. He simply wants to do those zero times.

I've used an analogy of a sleeping bum with a hat of money nearby while a cop watches. If the cop is the only thing keeping me from taking that money, then I'm not a moral person. If the cop isn't there and I still refuse to take the money, then I am a moral person.

But a lot of times, the fighting doesn't help anything. Many of these people will not be swayed (and it may be worse in the Bible Belt where Christians can easily back each other up).

I've toyed around with telling people I'm a Buddhist. As I understand it, Buddhism is very open to atheism. Most people assume that Buddhism is similar to other religions, so they may assume you're not godless, and you don't have to explain squat. Well, maybe learning about Buddhism would help you answer questions.

Perfect analogy. I feel my morals are stronger than a lot of Believers because I am a good person just to be a good person and not because I fear my imaginary friend in the sky will burn me if I’m bad.

It's more a philosophy than a religion, and of course you can always keep the parts you like and ignore the rest. That said, if pressed, I tell people I'm a humanist. Most don't have a clue what that is and just assume it's some weird branch of Christianity.

2

For me it's never easy to tell. As an example, in my 12-step program (a lot of god in that literature) I've had people tell me I won't make any progress without god and I've also been surprised at how many have been supportive and welcoming after I 'came out' as a non-believer. There have even been a few who started questioning there own beliefs after talking with me. It can be scary and even threatening and probably even worse where you are but being alone and lonely might be worse. Have you checked out Meet Up online? You might find a group more compatible with your beliefs.

That’s not a bad idea.

2

I live in central GA. I don't mention religion or politics outside of my very small circle of friends. I worry about my kids though. My son is very vocal about his atheism. He's 9. He's had all sorts of shit said to him by the other kids in his class this year.

Kids can be mean especially if their parents/church openly disgrace non-believers. I hope he stays strong! ❤️

2

I've had people distance themselves because of it. That's on them and their ignorance. If you already knew me to be a good person but then the fact that I'm atheist forced you to distance yourself from me, totally on you. I'm more than happy to answer any questions as to why, and what brought me here.
That being said, one of my closest friends is a devout Baptist. She and I get along on every other level.

2

I have found that best thing to do is to try not to even broach the subject of being a humanist or an atheist. People prefer to live in a state of denial no matter of the mountains of emperical scientific evidence that points to there actually being some all mighty singular creator is slim to none. You just can't change the minds of people that refuse to accept anything that conflicts with a view they only hold simply because they have been told to their whole lives. If you ask the clergy they'll tell you that it's a matter of faith and letting jesus into your heart. No matter how stupid it sounds.That angry machonist,jelous blood sacrifice jerk if a judeo cristian god is real as the air because he put it there . So be brave in your ability to try to save people from their own ignorance for you shall be shunned and ostericized for sure Sadly your wasting your time and energy worring about it I've been there I can empathize. Let them pray and be happy they haven't burned you as a witch. Just keep being a good person for the sake of being a good person and not for the fear of hell nor the promise of heaven. You will be fine.

2

They were never friends! You just discovered the truth.

2

I became outcast by my southern Baptist family after they learned I refused to participate in false belief systems. I don't call it"religion" it is no more than a false belief system for control an diversity.

How about the word "CULT?" Works for me.

2

No, most Christians are ignorant of Judaism. Thus they are Ignorant of Christianity or the would not Judge. "Judge not least you be Judged, so sayeth the Lord." Christianity has been made corrupt from the mistranslation and the so called divine inspiration of Judaic text. Most Christian are taught that being saved is their key to salvation in the after life. They never read or study the text. They listen to the salvation of spinsters who get their degree online. Biblical mistranslation and ignorance is the number one factor for social conditioning of the sheeple.

Etre Level 7 Apr 25, 2018

Agreed. I know more about the Bible than most people judging me. ? “Nice Cross tattoo. You know the Bible says in Leviticus that you aren’t supposed to mark or tattoo your body right?” “Oh and if your daughter is ever raped she is obligated to marry the man who defiled her or she will live the rest of her life as a spinster.”

@Iloatheusernames Pew Research did a study on bible knowledge. Atheists and Mormons outscored almost all Christian denominations. I've read it. What I learned reading it is a big part of why I'm now an atheist.

2

I feel for you. This ain't easy no matter how you slice it. I live in a pretty progressive State (CA). The vast majority of the people I know personally here are X-tians. Some of them trumpet their belief on FB. I just ignore all of that. Most of them know I'm a non-believer and, I believe, as a consequence, none of them are close friends. They don't hate on me, or my non-belief. They just ignore any controversial posts I make regarding separation of state and church and generally keep me at arm's length.

If the people you are talking about are more acquaintances than friends, who cares what they think? But if you have people you consider close friends and feel the friendship can continue despite your differing belief (or non-belief), it might be worth working on. It's your call. I hope this is helpful.

Thank you. It is a few close friends that stopped interacting with me because they didn’t like my posts on FB or we’re afraid I’d be a bad influence on their kids! (Like I’m walking around in a shirt that says F*%! Jesus! ?) Instead of restricting me one just blocked me without an explanation! When I confronted her she said it was just easier for her that way! If that’s Christian “love” I’m glad I’m a non-believer.

@Iloatheusernames If "friends" can not only dump, but block you that easily, they are not your friends. It's sad. You're right about X-tian "love." So hypocritical.

@IAMGROOT Sadly this is the same person who held my hand while my mother was dying. I thought Christians were supposed to love everyone not dump them when they don’t fit into their perfect labeled box.

@Iloatheusernames I'm so very sorry to hear this. Your new, like-minded friends won't abandon you. =]

2

In Britain it's not really a problem. We treat the religious ones as the weirdos. I'm a secular Buddhist - I don't believe in reincarnation and I don't take part in any rituals, but I am in agreement with the fundamental objective of relieving suffering and the 5 basic moral principles. You could read up on it on the internet and if it made sense to you as well, just say you were a Buddhist if it comforted them to think you had a religion.

1

Case by case for me, I have some pretty good friends that are Christians, I've also jettisoned a few who think their beliefs give them some sort of superiority. Trumps election made me realize there are people I'd rather not see anymore.

1

I don’t tell and most people don’t ask. On the rare occasions someine confronts me because of my lack of belief, I give them the choice to accept me as I am or not, while making it clear that I have no need, nor use, for crusaders

1

For specific reasons, I have not mentioned my lack of belief to any family members or friends.

Wow.

@girlwithsmiles Wow what?

Wow that you have managed not to tell your family what your views are. I would find that difficult, I'd have to go to church for starters.

@girlwithsmiles Thankfully no one in my family attends church, and yeah it is a situation to be in, glad I have this site though.

1

I have not experienced this in the UK and I am grateful . . Though I know some who have been literally ostracized.. ! I have always just stayed away from religious people generally.

1

I totally feel your pain on this one. I'm from a super rural part of the mountains. Every time the conversation of religion would come up and I couldn't manage to derail the conversation, I had to explain at length that:

  1. Just because I'm not Christian doesn't mean I wor-ship the devil. Yes that's how they pronounce it, heavy emphasis on ship.

  2. No, it doesn't mean I'm am atheist either. I believe in some kind of overarching control, but I don't pretend to comprehend it enough to presume to name it or determine its form or possession of gender.

  3. It is completely possible to have morality without relying on some social club.

And it's every time and it completely squashes large amounts of time that could be spent on literally anything else more enjoyable. I waffle between thinking it's important to help encourage understanding, and where atheism is concerned a lot of people really have trouble grasping the idea of morality without some kind of ominous oversight (which speaks volumes about the nature of their character as humans) so trying to help them progress away from such nonsense is important, and being disheartened by the knowledge that the reality is these people aren't listening and probably won't understand, the conversation is just a rhetorical tool for them to convert you to their way of things.

1

Yes

1

not worth it, your likely better off

0

I would say keep your beliefs to yourself......."no comment".

0

People ask me "are you a Christian?"

I tell them "ever notice how it all depends on the point of view of the person asking? If I don't agree 100% with you, I'm not? So I'm just going to say 'not your brand' and be done with it".

Angus Level 5 June 20, 2018
Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:66123
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.