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Physical Attraction

During Obama's Presidency I dated a right winged Republican, Christian, motorcycle riding white woman.
She despised Obama and had views on non- white Americans that some may see as racist, yet she was primarily attracted to black men.
We clashed on many topics.
My physical attraction to her was strong and the sex was phenomenal.
In the end good sex wasn't enough to sustain a viable relationship.
Good memories. Bad match.

Have you ever went into a relationship knowing that the person's character and beliefs were in strong opposition to yours?

  • 17 votes
  • 20 votes
Unity 7 Sep 8
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16 comments

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1

I have never went

lerlo Level 8 Sep 23, 2022
1

Your experience is by no means unique. I have run across the profiles of several really hot looking, college educated white professional career women on Match, who only wanted to date black men who were less educated than them, high school level only, for what was obviously just a casual, sex-based relationship, if you can call it that, or dating. It's not hard to figure out where these women's heads were at, maybe some sort of fantasy about black studs, etc. Needless to say, I never messaged any of them after seeing their profile, as I'm not their type or the race they wanted, to each their own.....

Personally I have never, met nor communicated with a woman either black or white who's dating profile stated that they prefer someone less educated than they are.

@Unity I respect that, because, who would ever choose to do so if they have any self respect or dignity, when it is so clear that the other person wants to use you and treat you as an inferior to them? You are obviously a real man with integrity, which is more than I can say for a lot of our fellow men who will abandon any scruples, integrity, self- respect, dignity, or principles for sex...

And I'm not talking about swingers or open relationships, poly, etc.. I am talking about men who will knowingly lie about who they are as a person and what they are after, relationshipwise, just to get sex from someone they find attractive....

0

I am gratified to see the fairly even split of votes, because it doesn't surprise me much in my online dating experience. The numbers finally seem to add up and make sense. Let me explain. Almost all the women I have connected with on Match, tho they are only a small subset of the total population in my local online dating pool, tell me that almost all the guys they encounter on Match seem to be only interested in sex rather than actual long term relationships. But at the same time, over 85% of the women in my local dating pool, even tho I am very selective about who I message and reach out to in the first place, reject me without ever replying to me.

What I infer from that, for what it's worth, is that there are also plenty of women in my local dating pool who are glad to also, like all the men I keep hearing about, go ahead and date someone otherwise incompatible if they are hot enough looking and the sex is great. Because so many women are rejecting me, due to looks or maybe also or instead feeling I'm not compatible, even tho they seem to be compatible on paper, otherwise I wouldn't have messaged them in the first place. So looks and dating just for sex, seem to be the unspoken factors, at least in my experience, of who gets chosen for dating, rather than it being mostly or always based on compatibility traits that show up on paper and in profiles, so to speak. And it goes both ways with each gender. Which is what people have been saying for years on this site as well as what the research has shown. Looks matter way more than most people are willing to admit in their dating choices, except maybe in polls like this, where people are willing to privately admit what their priorities are in dating and partner selection.

I have no doubt that, in spite of how mismatched I am on paper with the local dating pool, on traits like religion, kids situation, drinking habits and hating country music, that if I still had a full head of hair and an athletic body, my response rate to my first messages would be a lot higher than the 10-15% that it is..... even with the fact that in my dating pool, the ratio of men to women is almost 3 to 1. And it is also obvious with online dating, including with my choices, that the first factor people use in narrowing their choices for who to connect with, is how attractive the photos look, and then moving on from there to see how compatible the rest of the profile appears to be, on paper, so to speak.

At my age, we're all the walking wounded. I just focus on living in peace and making myself happy. I wish you luck.

@Larimar I get that, but the happiest years of my adult life were with my late wife, before she got dementia. I want something like that again, even tho it obviously won't be the same with a different person at an older age. But I won't kid myself that I will be anywhere near that happy again being on my own the rest of my life. I had a lot of years alone before her and more than five years since she lost who she was from dementia and I was effectively alone again. Some people can be very happy on their own for years, but I know myself well and I'm not one of them.

And sorry, Trudy, knowing that I have a lot of company in this is really not that comforting, even tho I know you mean well and are sincere. I want more than this with my remaining life, even if you are willing to settle for less than that.

3

I have and it was a mistake.

1

Sorry, not sorry... Sex is not important enough to me to date someone whose values are diametrically opposed to mine, and, while sexual attraction is important to me in choosing who to date, it's never been enough for me to keep seeing someone that I am otherwise not compatible with and who does not share my values. I won't even maintain a friendship with someone whose values are extremely oppositional to mine.

To be sure, one meets bizarre people dating. One lady went with me to an art show. I told her of my interests and projects, and I could see her withdrawing. She then mentioned 12-step in glowing terms. 12-step is Baptist skullduggery masquerading as a means to counter alcoholism via religious propaganda. Leaving, she aggressively French kissed me. Calling back, she said our values didn't match. OK by me.

@racocn8 I also have encountered some strange women with online dating, similar to your experiences, such as women that clearly did not match up with me on everything compatibility-wise, and yet, right before parting, gave me a very tight hug. Talk about mixed signals, after not even offering a handshake when we first began the meeting..

1

I was married to religious woman for 27 years but she allowed me to raise the only daughter atheist. Our views on religion never clashed. I can see a person as a human being even he or she is a religious or Trump supporter. Strange enough, our marriage was arranged in one day in my short visit overseas. We never knew each other before.

To many, being progressive or atheist is revolting. But there are good people everywhere. POVs is not a whole person. I decided to see only all good things in her, not what I did not like.

To me a Trump supporter is way over the top
Human, yes. Extremely repulsive to me.

@Unity

Being a Biden supporter is repulsive to almost half of the country. I don't like him either but dislike Trump more. A Trump supporter would not bother me, nor would a Biden supporter. They are all assholes. I am not going to destroy my happiness over them. None is worth it..

It's all about what a person chooses to care about and what they don't. Good for you @St-Sinner

I am also an atheist and I have a daughter whom my husband is raising according to religious rules, so I understand you better than anyone. Sometimes I can't even imagine how he and I are still married, because when we met on this site [twitter.com] , I had no idea that we would ever get married, being so different. But today, when I look back, I can only see that I made the right choice. I love him and I don't mind that he inclines my child to regalia, I don't see anything bad for her.

3

Yes but I invested nothing but the hope of a good time....and we did!

3

A week before the wedding, my bride admitted that she had tried to commit suicide during her previous marriage, and became divorced while she was institutionalized. She had hid her depression from me as much as possible. I knew she was seeing a therapist (who was useless). If I'd had a clue what was to come, I'd have called the marriage off. But, the fallacy of sunk costs and all that... I have resentment that she was the best I could find.

I think a lot of us settle, whether we want to admit it or not, for people that if we could do it over, or had full knowledge of beforehand, would have moved on from or passed on. Such is life..

4

No. I've been duped into believing the person was totally on board with my world view, which WAS the attraction, and then finding out later they were just telling me what I wanted to hear. Ever more skeptical now in that way. The truth killed any attraction immediately.

I could never be attracted to someone who I knew to be diametrically opposed to my world view.

In fact, I did have a strong physical attraction to someone with whom I felt an emotional connection, but the "timing" wasn't right. Later I found out he actually was totally opposite of my spiritual and political leanings. So, knowing that helped me get over the loss of the possibility of a relationship when he left. He likely knew we were opposite in those views, since I'm pretty vocal, and he was more private. So, that's likely why he didn't pursue me, rather than the "timing" wasn't right. It's all good. But oh my was he a hunk!

My spiritual and political views are stronger than my emotional and physical attraction to someone, when it comes to romance.

My ex-boyfriend portrayed himself as someone aligned with me, but he is a chameleon who will tell prospective lovers what they want to hear. While he's not totally opposite of my viewpoints, it's far enough apart to help me keep my distance. Our disagreement in what is the meaning of honesty is what is SURE to keep me emotionally distant from him and with that physically as well.

2

It was strictly for the sex though, so it was okay.

6

Depends on what you mean by a relationship.

6

Most of us have many different facets to our personality and standards. I had a relationship with a guy that we were simpatico on everything but his work and personal relationship standards he was an atheist and politically in tune with my beliefs.The sex was fantastic so I was willing to overlook the other until it interfered with me.

When I reached the age that I was emotionally ready to get married I looked for qualities that I thought were important but later learned were actually the opposite of what I wanted.

6

Some women have strange sexual aberrations. Some women really get off on feeling abused or degraded.

Assuming you aren't referring to sexual escapades, the same goes for some men as well. And both the giver and the receiver often suffer from self esteem disorders.

10

Yeah, good sex can get us a wee bit stupid.🤣😈🤣

So true!

5

Long before I ever want a sexual relationship I have to click on a mental plane.

.... Fortunately, I am very tolerant mentally. 🤣😂😝😝

6

My first marriage. I married my long time on and off again GF. Red flags dancing all around me. We married in Vegas with an Elvis impersonator. The divorce was final right around the first wedding anniversary. My relationship with her prior to marriage was a lot of fun but once we tied the knot it was all over.

Isn't that the way it often goes? Once the novelty and fireworks are over, you realize that there is nothing else solid and substantial left to keep you both together and make it work...

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