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Advice needed! Atheist dating Christian?

I'm very interested in someone and I feel like she is interested in me. I know she comes from a very strong/sheltered Christian upbringing, goes to church every week, went to a Christian college, and posts Bible verses/Christian related things on Instagram.

She doesn't know I'm an atheist. Only because religion hasn't really come up in conversations and I haven't had a reason to say it. I don't want to waste her time if she's looking for a full on Christian guy, but at the same time I really like her. I know it's bound to come up eventually but I don't know if I should do something about it.

Do I wait to tell her when it comes up, or be upfront about it?
Anyone have experience with this type of situation?

By Calvin
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25 comments
11

Before you get too involved, open the can of worms.
If it doesn't scare her away (and she doesn't try to convert you) you know you've got something worth working for. If not, you know to release her back into the sea of Jesus fish that she comes from.

silvereyes Level 7 Dec 7, 2017
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I like the way you put it.

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If your goal in life is to partner up and have children I would think long and hard about these very big differences before your hormones are muddying realities. It's not just the differences between the two of you, but future grandparents etc. that can cause friction. A lot depends on how healthy and adult like everyone is. I would be yourself, and honest when the subject comes up, which shouldn't take long if God is that important to her life. Personally, I would run like hell, but I'm old and don't have time for these struggles.

Arcosanti Level 4 Dec 7, 2017
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It sounds like her religion is very important to her, and will probably only get involved with someone of her own faith. Best to discuss this now before things get too deep.

Unicorn1824 Level 5 Dec 7, 2017
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Agreed!

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4

Perhaps you could find a suitable moment to ask her what she thinks about atheists. Her answer might be all you need to judge whether you want to pursue the relationship or move on.

Joanne Level 6 Dec 7, 2017
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If you can respect each other’s position it could work. That being said, the further along you go in the relationship, the more difficult it will become. You may be expected to hide your non-belief around her family. It could wind up being a greater commitment on your part (going to church, praying over meals, etc). If you are ok with that then go for it.

TXAtheist Level 3 Dec 7, 2017
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My last wife (yes, there was more than one) was a devout, albeit a hypocritical Christian. At the time, I hadn't accepted Agnosticism yet. But she knew I wasn't a "true" christian, and all was good...until it wasn't. Trust me, get it out in the open, don't give her any expectations that you are flexible, and then still be weary. Because converting you is what christians tend to try to do. Are there exceptions? Sure. But do you really want to take that chance? Forever is a long time.

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I married someone like that for 13 years who didn't even have the courage to at least let me know why she was leaving. I was upfront and honest about it before our marriage. If someone lies to themselves about reality, it doesn't take much to lie you. I'd move on.

mt49er Level 5 Dec 7, 2017
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I think you should talk to her about this as soon as possible. Tell her that you are an Atheist and ask her if she has a problem with that.

I had a Muslim boyfriend once and I told him in our first date that I am an Atheist and he didn't have a problem with that but of course everyone is different.

Alexa Level 4 Dec 7, 2017
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I feel like this is one of those make-or-break topics, and waiting to discuss your views won't help. If she doesn't share her family's views, she'll probably be happy to know you're not religious. If she's religious and it's important to her that you be too, that's worth knowing up front because it's not going to be less important to her later. The worst case, in my opinion, is that she's religious but doesn't care whether you are or not. I think it will get you into a relationship and ultimately it will still cause problems. I've seen relationships work under these circumstances, but it's exceedingly rare.

resserts Level 7 Dec 7, 2017
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3

Be upfront about it.

Sarahroo29 Level 6 Dec 7, 2017
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Upfront. That way no one wastes time! If you can make it work out, then great!

GeekLeen Level 6 Dec 7, 2017
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I have found that absolute emotional honesty is an essential ingredient in any successful personal relationship. I once had a Catholic girlfriend for over a year. I would now drop her before I even got emotionally close to her.

Short versoin: I would run like crazy away from her.

irascible Level 7 Dec 7, 2017
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Bring up the subject as soon as possible. I'm surprised she hasn't brought it up already.

bingst Level 6 Dec 7, 2017
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If she is into it this deep it is an issue that won't be shoved under the rug.Better talk about it now if you are hoping for more than friendship as things will get tangled more as time progresses

btroje Level 7 Dec 7, 2017
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Absolutely!

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2

I was in the same situation with the last gal I dated. I told her up front and things were great; for a while. She never bugged me about it or pushed it on me, but I could tell it weighed on her at times. In the end it was the main reason she broke up with me. I'm not saying this will happen to you, and I hope it doesn't, but like others have stated, honesty is always the best policy. Talk to her about it and let the cards fall where they may. The longer you wait, the worse it may be... Best of luck friend!

mahogoff00 Level 1 Dec 7, 2017
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What is it you are wanting from this relationship? If you want a casual relationship there is no need to disclose anything, but, if you are looking for something more permanent then disclose and try to help her get over her delusions. Be aware though that without he loosing them it will not last.

HeathenFarmer Level 7 Dec 7, 2017
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2

First I want you to say two "Hell Marys," and then I want you to say three "Hell NOs!"

Benthoven Level 6 Dec 7, 2017
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I have not had any experience with this exact subject, but have had “need to know” experiences when it comes to relationships / dating. My advice is to bring this up first thing. Why build something up further when it could be brought down once out?

mrninjaviking Level 3 Dec 7, 2017
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When you date a believer, you date someone whose brain is run by emotion. Such a mind does not accept cause and effect, and instead insists that a giant invisible man is controlling the world through mental telepathy. Love will not cure this person of her mental disorder. You are dating down.

KevinJohnston Level 6 Dec 7, 2017
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"You are dating down". I like it.

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Depends on how much of the kool aid she has drank. For some, it's just a social thing; for others, there's no compromising. The bible does teach that believers are not to be unequally yoked.

Tread lightly, be honest and up front. Does she play you Georgia Satellite's tune "Keep Your Hands To Yourself"? smile009.gifhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMFMf9cN64U

Hominid Level 6 Dec 7, 2017
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Be upfront but don't be a dick about it. If she says something christiany you don't agree with then your wasting both of your time if you don't talk about it.

FortyTwo Level 4 Dec 7, 2017
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You had better put it out there. The sooner you get the deal breakers out of the way the better...

Traveler7064 Level 3 Dec 9, 2017
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The problem isn't the difference of opinion, my question is whether I could respect and admire someone who is so resistant to rational thought as to believe in something with the same evidence to support an assertion that has the same evidence for it's truth as unicorns or FSMs.

Gregory Level 3 Dec 8, 2017
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My advice is don't unless it's really casual.

SKDeitch Level 6 Dec 8, 2017
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My advice tell her off the bat if you get into a relationship with her and months later she finds out she'll see it as a test and if you end up leaving her for it or vice versa she'll think its her fault for not being able to convert you.

Gabriel_B Level 4 Dec 8, 2017
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I hate to say it ,but it's going to be better to find someone who thinks like you. If you are looking for marriage and children ,know that it is mandatory that All Christians demand that the children be brought up Christian. If you're willing to raise your children as Christians, I would say continue with a relationship and work at it. I personally don't see how it could work, but nothing is impossible

Kojaksmom Level 5 Dec 7, 2017
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