I am of an age when the word "gay" never meant homosexual. You were a poofter, a queer or a homo and most of society punished you for this in slight or onerous ways. Nowadays nearly everyone is enlightened and interpersonal exploration is much easier. If I were in your situation I would escalate just the friendship part of your relationship without even thinking about the physical, - become "inseparable friends". Find occasions to pat him on the back or shoulder, go for a light hug in moments of triumph and a hand on the thigh. Play it shy and demure and if there is anything there your friend will respond, even unconsciously and you can build from there.

A really difficult question. I would advise you not to be afraid of your feelings. In any case, it is better to do it and regret it once, than not to do it and regret it all your life. Or I have one more piece of advice. You could try going to a gay webcam. Here's a normal GayWebCam for you so you don't end up with some low-grade one. You can control your desires there. And it's anonymous, so no one will know. I hope you find yourself, friend. Good luck

Porn is about real intimacy just like eating hamburger is the same as ribeye....not even close.

Whatever floats your boat.

The biggest problem here is the anxiety you're experiencing and I want to try to relieve that. Other than consent, there aren't any rules about love or sex. You get to love whoever you want to and have sex with whoever you want to if they consent. You don't need to worry about right and wrong or what other people think. You get to follow wherever your mind and body lead you, whatever you think will make you happy.

Being gay is normal and not being gay is normal. Sexuality is more of a spectrum than one or the other. Lots of people are more concerned with who a person is than what they happen to have between their legs. Fantasizing is normal and private unless you choose to share it. Having conflicted feelings is part of normal human development and it happens to everyone. There is nothing wrong with you, you're just human.

From what you've written, I'm inclined to think that eventually your feelings are going to naturally surface, even unintentionally. The alternatives are to raise the topic if you can't wait or avoid the topic until something changes. All options carry a risk because we don't know how he will respond. Much depends upon how strong the relationship is. It's also scary because it is something new for you, but new things can also be very exciting!

In the final analysis, everything will be okay no matter what approach you take or how it turns out. Later in life you will be able to draw on what you ultimately learn from this experience. Love and sex, separately or together, are beautiful experiences to be enjoyed. Relax and listen to your heart, dear friend!

FYI: "Gay sex doesn’t equal anal sex most of the time, study finds"

[qsaltlake.com]

I don't find myself attracted to men, but straight sex is plenty weird, so criticizing gays relies on personal aesthetics. You do you. If you like or love someone, giving them pleasure can be an ennobling experience. Gay is just a label for bigots. Or, if you love your friend, but its not sexual, pour your energy into planning fabulous trips together and just be best friends. I have a friend that I went on a dozen backpack trips together over the years. These are my fondest memories. I wish he had been female, but you pay your way and takes your chances...

You could always hook up with a dude who's not your friend to find out first...
@Charles1971 's advice is really good though.

I'm not sure what you've seen in gay porn but love and intimacy isn't simply about sex and gay sex isn't about a specific type of sex. There aren't any special "sex rules" that a gay couple must adhere to. If you were in a relationship with a woman you wouldn't force her to perform sex acts that she dislikes. In turn, neither you nor a same-sex partner should be forced to perform sex acts either of you dislike.

But, it can't hurt to discuss this with a therapist to help you sort out your feelings. The bottom line is that you and your friend/love interest are both human beings. Anatomy is secondary to that.

See a therapist so that you can sort out these conflicting feelings.