I was in that exact position some 30 years ago. I also joined Al-Anon but there was no 12 step program BS. The program was about helping us recognize and deal with our enabling tendencies and how said tendencies made the addiction worse. I think too many of us want to help without thinking about if the help actually helps. Alcoholism can be a disease and that idea tends to absolve the person of responsibility. However, it's not the disease but the behavior of the person that is the problem. My Al-Anon program helped me hold the other person responsible for her actions. She was what was known as a maintenance drinker holding her responsible helped her control her drinking and even enter a detox program.

In the program I met others in the same position. One was so interested in the addiction issue she took classes and became a drug abuse counselor.

[thehumanist.com]

Al-anon 3 Cs; (1) You didn't cause. (2) You can't control it. (3) You can't cure it. I am an alcoholic but don't know much about Al-anon. Nature is my higher power (works just fine). The essence of the 12 steps is to quit blaming your problems on others. Instead, look at yourself and what you are doing or not doing that causes you distress. And what you can do or not do to solve the problem for yourself. Ignore all that religious or supernatural stuff. As your head clears your answers will come to you naturally.

The higher power is you and your mind. The ability to think for yourself. Look within yourself for the power to conquer it all and find enlightenment, do not look outward for it.

Have to find a new purpose in life. There are millions to choose from.

I'm sorry you are going through this. This disease is horrible. It never goes away. I live with a recovering alcoholic, and everyday is a struggle for him. I walk on eggshells and I may have to ask him to leave. Good luck, and make sure to take care of yourself first. If she refuses to get help recovering you may have to leave. The number 1 thing to learn from the group is how to NOT be an enabler and keep her locked into her disease.

You can create your own higher power. For me it's all the many different things I am just a part of: friends, family, my society/culture, the environment, my country, our planet etc. I only have real meaning as parts of these greater wholes and that is what I surrender to. I'm not spiritual at all but for me something that fits into that slot is 'connection'. All the 'god' stuff in meetings can definitely be off-putting but I just pass when it's my turn to read and the passage has too much god or spirituality for me. Don't know how it is in Al-Anon but in EA if anyone gives me too much crap about my atheism I just quote from 'The Twelve Traditions' #3. "The only requirement for EA membership is a desire to become well emotionally."

My first meeting with an Al-Anon group I was told that I would not be required to participate and that any reference to a higher power/god could be defined any way I liked (the universe, nature, or my own consciousness). I was also told that each group had its own personality and they would give me a list of all the groups in my area and they recommended that I give Al-Anon six weeks before deciding on joining or not.

I would suggest that you find a group that is more suited to your personality and views.

Long story short.

Spirituality is believing in an existence in the non-physical form

Pure Consciousness is understanding and taking responsibility for your actions. Being aware of what you do.

Reincarnation in the physical sense exists (the atoms in our bodies will live on in the atoms of other humans, animals, plants, etc. But so far there is no evidence to support the idea that non-physical reincarnation exists.

All creatures have a "spirit" which is basically a form of organic intelligence. It allows all lifeforms to take in information from their surroundings and make future judgments based on these experiences in order to prolong their lives.

Mind is tangible, referring to the computational capacity of our brains. Soul is an intangible abstract term used to describe a religious belief that there is life after death in order to make them feel better by imagining their loved ones existing in a peaceful realm when the truth is that they do not have any supporting evidence of that.

There is no information to prove or disprove the existence of an after-life. Therefore it is not yet possible to determine if we do truly die. Although it is very likely we just cease to exist, the same as before we were born.

Sounds like the al-anon thing isn't for you. Nor is your girlfriend. You can't fix her, only she can, so maybe being a lone wolf is a good thing, even if it's just for your peace of mind.

For all the other questions, there is no one answer that anyone can give you, unless you want to believe what some religious whacko will try and sell you. They are deep philosophical questions that should keep you busy answering for the rest of your life. Maybe that's why you're still around...

If you don't follow the 12 steps and worship a higher power it won't work. Been there and done that.