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Death of a loved one

How does it make you feel when someone who very likely means well, says to you concerning a loved one who was lost to death that "they are in a better place".

Dogpause 4 May 11
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17 comments

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0

It's only words and more times than not one can feel the intent, which at the end of the day it's much more important. It's not what we say, it's how it is said......

2

When I’m lost my dad a year ago, it was infuriating to hear that from my coworkers. I had to walk away from conversations several times because I was so upset. I think it’s rude to just assume that someone believes in an afterlife

Sorry for your loss. Condolences to you and family and friends. It's never ever easy. Even when we believe we are prepared

0

I realize they didn't know us very well, and they mean well. I just say "thank you" and move on. I saw no point in causing a stink about it. I was comiserating with a close friend when some Christians tried to tell him our friend was in a better place and he went off on them. i saw this was coming and I tried to intervene. They looked like a kicked puppy when he was done.

3

It's hard for anyone to know what to say when someone dies. I'd cut them some slack (unless they're generally aggressive pricks).

I am my father's epitaph. ...my gave me everything worth living for. ...their 81 and 88 years are rich with stories I keep alive. ...hoping my 2 daughters cherish living memories by retellings. ...he'll threats and heaven bribes do not apply to my family

4

I ask them, if they actually think that being dead is being in a fucking better place? Now, people usually avoid me at funerals.

0

I am a bit strange as I don't miss people - I enjoy friendships in the moment but I have moved around a lot in my life and have left many people. The idea of death doesn't worry me at all given how rotten my society seems ot have become I would welcome it in the door-

My family were all mentally unstable and I havent seen my brother for years don't know if hes dead or alive and its not that important anyway - I think I am pretty self sufficient and probably not as crazy as my rellies who are pretty much all dead now anyway

3

They mean well - I just leave it at that.

2

I agree! Has nothing to do with an afterlife either. If your death was preceded with a painful disease, an emotional torment, torture of some kind, loss of mental capacity, death is a release. You have none of those things anymore. If the death was in an accident, a murder, or other sudden causes, then they are not in a better place, they are dead before their time. My Dad suffered with a lot of pain, nervousness about everything, and a loss of interest in life for several years before he died. Death for him was a better place than the daily loss of his spirit and joy of life. I look forward to my own death even now as a relief from the slings and arrows of daily life. I would not precipitate it, nor do I fear it.

My sentiments exactly!!! Great post.

1

I would kick the shit out of them if they know I am an Atheist mourning my Atheist love....shove their evil belief up their empty asses

3

It doesnt bother me, though it is tempting not to say "where is that? The ground? Up in smoke ?" or "with the way the world is now, the ground is starting to look pretty good!"
My grandmother she was a hilarious atheist, as her parents had raised her to be. My nan had a saying "you'd f up a church!" (Meaning your so terrible you would f up something already completely f uped!) Though she would use the actual f word, I won't type the full word here, but you get the point. When she died a few years ago, an uncle of mine decided to make a huge religious spectacle of it, even while knowing she was against religion and openly atheist. See my dearly departed grandmothers son, my uncle, married into a Pentecostal family and became the super religious zealot, self righteous person that she tried to raise him not to be. He had it in his head that she needed to be saved and if she wouldnt let him do it in life, he'd do it in her death. He had his brother in law that is pastor of some mega church in phoenix fly in on his private jet to do the funeral...now I know she would of found humor in having had this huge religious funeral with all the trimmings! So the rest of the family being the jovial atheists she taught us to be had viewed it as a joke and carry on the legacy of finding humor in most things. In some way she lives on in the way we keep that humor going. We couldnt be upset about it. Not when she would of found it hilarious.

Voltaire said dying: " the comedy is over " to an idiot young priest attempting to trick some confession out of the dying great Atheist

3

I myself hate that statement only because when I lost my husband that was the last thing I wanted to hear. People mean well but it just aggravates the hell out of you.

2

Fortunately I haven't been confronted with this nonsense but being the mostly polite chap that I am my response would be along the lines of 'If it makes you feel better then think it, but don't assume you speak for me' 🙂

1

It would annoy me a little, but I would just smile and nod, recognizing that it was meant in a way of comfort. If they persist, (and if applicable) I would say, "they're not suffering any more". It's a half agreement, but seems to be acceptable.
I don't typically challenge someone (or their beliefs) who is genuinely trying to be supportive.

0

I just ignore them because of their ignorance

1

Annoyed. But they usually mean well so I don't make a big deal about it.

1

I roll my eyes but only in my mind. Kind words are always appreciated. And I don’t totally disagree. Just that my idea of better place is non existence or recycled into the universe or whatever. I don’t feel the need to mention thst, either, though. Others need to believe in heaven to deal with loss. Who am I to take that from them?

4

It happend to me after the death of my wife, and it made me furious. Other platitudes that I find offensive are "I will pray for you" or "God will not give you a burden greater than you can bear"

Premise rejected.

I lost my partner and the first day back to work a customer walked in and said that he heard and that she's in a better place and if my boss had not grabbed him by the shoulder I would have gone over the counter. LOL Normally I would just realize they were trying to be polite and that's their belief but at the moment all I could think was HOW IS DEAD BETTER !
Yes Guy, I totally agree with you because it made me furious as hell at the time. 6 years later it still bothers me when anybody says that.
That said, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's never easy. The other thing I learned was time does not make it better. You just get better at dealing with it.

@Dogpause After my wife was diagnosed, I talked to a person about a business transaction, who I did not know, and he immediately asked me Where do you go to church?. I told him I didn't, and he said Well maybe this is God's way of getting your attention. Luckily this was a phone conversation or I would have choked him. Ugly stuff.

@GuyKeith HOLY S..T ! Such a sensitive religious hypocrite! The man had lots of feelings didn't he. Really thought before he spoke. You got to wonder how some of these people tie their shoes without help

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