Pat Robertson to Finally Step Down as Host of the 700 Club

Televangelist Pat Robertson announced Friday that he would be stepping down as host of his Christian Broadcasting Network’s (CBN) flagship show “The 700 Club,” after six decades on the program. Robertson, who is 91, turned a tiny, bankrupt Virginia television station into a global religious broadcasting powerhouse. He is also known for founding the Christian Coalition, which galvanized American evangelicals into a political, right-wing, ultra-conservative political force,” which firmly backed him when he ran for president in 1988. 

Wow! What a shocker! You mean Pat Roberson’s actually retiring? Gee, he’s leaving right in the prime of life. So, now that Pat’s gone, I suppose that means technically, the show will now have to be called the “699 Club.” Now, I wasn’t exactly what you might call a huge fan of the show, but I always did wonder if that “700 part” of the show’s title - had anything to do with how old Pat actually was?

Anyway, who can forget the show’s glory days when Robertson would frantically warn “the faithful” of all the horrific natural disasters that were bound to strike if Americans dared to vote for candidates who demonstrated even the slightest bit of compassion toward others. Let us not forget, it was Pat and the 700 Club who were the first to expose to the world - that it was actually “lesbians” who caused 911!

Now, say what you want about the man, but what I find so remarkable about Pat Robertson is that he is one of the few bloviating, televangelist pastors, who can now leave the pulpit completely content in the self-satisfaction of knowing that absolutely “nothing good” - will ever come from any of his life’s work. He’s done his part to help bring all the horrors of hell - right here to planet Earth.

Just ask yourself, who else can make a claim like that? Alright, perhaps Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker's PTL Club came close, but the Feds eventually sent poor Jim off to the slammer, and now that he’s out again, he’s been reduced to hawking plastic buckets of survivalist dehydrated macaroni and a handful of specially made, embroidered Mike Lindell pillows. Not exactly your 700 Club cash cow, but I suppose it’s a living.

Now, for those of you who are really gonna miss old Pat, fear not for Pat has vowed to return from time to time - if he's had a “revelation" he needs to share. You can’t keep an old shyster like Pat down. That is, unless he happens to croak, at which time it’ll be rather interesting to see if the ground will reject his body. Besides, even if he does croak, a guy like Pat can always find himself some kind of hustle. You know, like hosting the “6-Feet-Under Club.”

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