Trump Suing Hillary and Her Cohorts Over the 2016 Election He Won

Former President Donald Trump has filed a lawsuit against former secretary of state Hillary Clinton, the Democratic National Committee, and others, alleging that they “maliciously conspired to weave a false narrative” that his campaign colluded with Russia during the 2016 presidential race.

Wow! Perhaps someone ought to remind Mr. Trump that he actually won that election, albeit via the Electoral College. I mean, Trump can’t seriously want to take this to court, can he? Why, “discovery” would absolutely destroy him. Not to mention, he’d also have to give a deposition. After all, he’s the friggin’ plaintiff in this case. Perhaps his attorneys should explain to him what the term “perjury” means. Of course, swearing him in would need to be phrased a bit differently for him. Sort of like “Have you ever told the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? And, if you haven’t, then why the hell not?”

Frankly, it makes you wonder who would even want to take a case of his? I mean, even that “crack” team of lawyers over at the “Acme Law Firm,” two doors down from the “Four Seasons Total Landscaping,” would be hesitant to take a case like this, especially after they discover that if they get paid at all, it’ll likely be in rubles. I mean, rubles are worth even less than a Trump promise these days. Oh well! I suppose anything is better than that lawyer he had before. You know, the one who had what appeared to be an oil well, leaking raw crude oil right down the side of his face.

So, why sue Hillary after all this time and open up such a huge can of worms? Well, my guess is Trump's fundraising must have hit a new low, while his Russian creditors are still reeling from all the sanctions and a plummeting ruble, and are probably calling in that $400+ million he owes them because they’re getting desperate. Besides, Putin needs money for his war, and it’s damn-well time #45 pays up. I guess all these factors coming together, make it a perfect time to refocus on Hillary, the “She-Demon of 2016.”

Of course, as we all know, Trump sues just about everybody. What’s next? Sue McDonald's for making you morbidly obese? Why, whatever happened to tort reform and the “Republican Party’s war on frivolous lawsuits?” Guess that all went right out the window. That said, Trump better be damn careful what he wishes for, or next thing you know, Obama will countersue the shit out of him over that birth certificate slander Trump conjured up. Meanwhile, did I just hear Hillary tell the judge “Your Honor, I’d like to call Vladimir Putin to the stand please.”

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