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As I am won't to do, I’m plunging into this without knowing how it works. But, if I have it all wrong, I hope you enjoy the titles and the unconventional Christmas Card.
Okay, I’ve written and self-published a book. Now what?
To present an idea of the book, I’m including the Table of Contents, introduction and a link to the book on Amazon. (The link shows the cover and an additional description of the book.)
The link is: [amazon.com]
I should mention the book contains about a dozen cartoons. (The one attached is not one of them.)
WILL I SEE MY GRANDMOTHER NAKED IN HEAVEN?

Contents
Introduction 4
Heaven 6
Shouldn't we be eager to get there? 7
Will Jesus and God be waiting with open arms? 9
Heaven must be a hell of a place. 12
Where will we live in heaven? 13
Will I see my grandmother naked? 14
A heavenly greeting? 19
Will there be children? 21
Do we keep an eye on earth? 23
Are we reunited with loved ones? 25
Will we have sex? 29
Can we rejoice over those who didn't make it? 31
Are some more equal than others? 32
Okay, I forgive you. Now, go away 34
Will God continue to monitor our every move and thought? 36
Do we sports? 38
Is Heaven another planet? 39
If I can't take it with me, will new ones be waiting there for me? 41
Are there churches? 43
Heavenly Food 46
Jesus Has Two Daddies 49
Does God enjoy wars? How about football games? 51
Will we read? 55
Do we ever get bored? 57
Smokin' and Drinkin in Heaven 59
What's up with gravity in Heaven? 61
Do spirits have wings? 61
Where is God when he talks to us? 65
To what does the spirit's brain revert? 67
Is there entertainment (other than choirs of singing angels)? 69
Do we have jobs? 71
Does heaven have a sky? 74
Are there animals? 76
What does Jesus look like now? (Is God the only elderly looking person in heaven?) 78
What's the big deal about God's only son? 80
Why so many stars? 83
Do Jesus and God ever sleep? 87
When did incest become a sin? 88
How long did it take Noah to catch a polar bear? 90
Samson: Big, Strong and Dumb 96
How tall was The Tower of Babel? 98
The Virgin Mary. Or, The Virgin Mary? 100
The Holy Ghost, the Archangels, regular angels: Who are these guys? 102
Why don't we refer to Jesus as The Virgin Jesus Christ? 106
Does Jesus regret he will never be number one? 107
If God loves your church, why is it so tiny? 108
Prayer, Oh Might Prayer 111
Does God punish us while we are on earth? 115
Does God do acts of God? 117
Does God bless some and curse others? - Randomly? 118
Does God ever talk out loud? 119
Why the magic tricks? 121
How does the mind reading thing work? 125
Hope, or pray, your guardian angel is on guard. 126
Could Jesus read minds while he was on earth? 127
Can everybody in heaven also receive brainwaves or is it just Mary and her fellow saints? 129
Does God ever get frustrated? 133
Is there humor in Heaven? 135
Oh, Little Star of Bethlehem 137
What did Mary and Joseph do with the gifts from the Three Wise Men? 140
What did Jesus do as a kid? 142
Oh my, did He die? 144
Will the lonely find soul mates? 146
Is our time on earth too short for God to care? 148
God isn't dead! (But He may be on vacation.) 150
Did God bite off more than He could chew?" 152
How about cutting us some slack God? 154
Is God Fallible? 158
Who will answer these questions? 159

Introduction
I was sitting ocean side enjoying the rhythmic waves coming on the seashore and marveling at the majestic snow capped mountains in my peripheral vision when I realized I was at home in the Midwest, and we don't have mountains or oceans. It was my imagination allowing me to enjoy this tranquil scene. Imagination is an essential ingredient to daydreaming, but daydreaming is considered wasting time. Not wanting to waste time, I decided to ponder - for pondering is quite acceptable.

When a cloud that looked similar to a portrait of Jesus floated by, I immediately thought, if I could capture that cloud, I could sell it for a fortune on eBay. I knew that would be impossible, and a photo would arouse suspicion of Photoshopping. So I directed my pondering to the topic of religion. I'm certain others may have pondered religion, and a few have even written whole books about it.
Amazingly, it appears as if every group of people that has reached a population to constitute a tribe or larger seems to have a religion. Some religions are considered primitive and naive by those who have a bit of scientific background. We, the educated, know mysterious gods don't move the sun, turn it off at night, and back on in the morning. Likewise, we know that lightning strikes the Earth about 100 times per second or about eight million times a day. So, while uneducated tribal members may think lightning indicates angry gods, we're confident that whatever it hits, it hits randomly. It is not the object of some god's emotion. Likewise, we know meteorological events cause hurricanes and tornadoes so prayer won't affect them. (Don't we?)
There are major religions whose beliefs are also difficult for non-members to understand. E.g., the concept of reincarnation baffles many of us. Since the population increases, it seems some new souls are always needed. But if souls come from deceased creatures, there must be a finite number of souls. Maybe God makes both new souls and also uses those of the departed.
If creatures reincarnate to other creatures, then in our conceit, we assume that to be a human is the highest upgrade. What does a cockroach or dung beetle have to do to get a more favorable reincarnation and, eventually work up to being a human? More important, what do humans need to do to avoid becoming one of those little bugs?
It soon became evident it would take too much time and effort for me to ponder all religions. So, I focused on those that use the Bible as their primary source of reference. Might as well look at both the pre-Jesus and post-Jesus era as it is doubtful one could write a whole book on just one section of the Bible. (Don't tell me it has been done!)
Well, for those of you who like to ponder biblically based religion, here are a few points to consider. (There is a side benefit to this book. If you are sitting and staring into space, and someone accuses you of daydreaming, you can say "No, I was thinking" and, bring up any one of the points in this book. Chances are they will never again interrupt your daydreaming.)

Ah, Heaven. So wonderful - much like the Garden of Eden but with no snakes. Pluck an apple off a tree. It will be perfect: ripe, juicy, flavorful and wormless. Best of all, you won't get in trouble for eating it. You won't need to check the weather channel every few hours. The weather will always be, well, heavenly. What else would you expect? Sunshine bathes you in the perfect amount of warmth. Cool, refreshing breezes in when you need them. A joy to know the next day will be just like the last one - similar to San Diego. To Eskimos and Laplanders, the idea of warm sunshine and green grass might not be that appealing. (This might explain why San Diego doesn't have a large Eskimo/Laplander population.) One would hope those who want something other than a tropical paradise, will find sections of Heaven to accommodate them. Whatever the weather, you can walk or wing anywhere anytime without the fear of being mugged. How great is that?

Often we conceptualize Heaven similar to Earth only all is perfect. You can visit friends and family. Good food and drink abound. (Though the Bible doesn't say, heavenly food have calories that provide energy, but they certainly don't add weight if you consume too many of them. This alone is reason enough encourage you to follow the rules.) No evil-doers will be around. They will be in a scorching place - maybe even forced to fire the flames that torture them. Now, that's a hellish thought.

We'll look at a few of the marvelous pleasures and even some ordinary, but still perfect, opportunities to enjoy and explore Heaven. But, why only explore questions about Heaven? Since the Bible is full of biblical stories (no kidding), that are too interesting not to explore, we'll check out those. After all, the Bible is, 'The Word of God' so we should give it some attention. But, back to Heaven.

TomFool 4 Dec 19
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2 comments

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What's with all the jesus and heaven stuff on a site for atheists and agnostics?

pixiedust Level 8 Dec 20, 2018

It's satire

@TomFool Oh.

0

congratulations

TheDoubter Level 9 Dec 19, 2018

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