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So, my religious neighbour asked me out to lunch last week and I went, with the stipulation that we don't talk about religion and we did it!

The next day, she called me because she was upset and needed someone to talk to who was not "judgemental". Then when I am telling her that sometimes people make mistakes etc. she throws out that She doesn't know why she called me because no matter how good a person I am I am going to hell because I don't believe in Jesus.

So I asked her why she didn't call one of her christian friends and she said because I was easy to talk to and didn't judge.

I asked her why she felt she could judge me, if she didn't want to be judged. She said nothing and I said goodbye.

I know she will call me again ( she always does)

What would you do? Talk, or tell her you were busy or would you say something else?

Teresa 6 June 5
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38 comments

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11

Talk; you have planted a seed, nourish it. You may be surprised by the result. (But avoid bitterness ?).

10

You have introduced a wedge into her mind...you are seeing a convert to atheism wobb ling to her feet bit by bit!

8

Point out that the bible specifically says not to judge your fellows. No human knows who's saved or not. Make that lady actually read her bible, lol.

Right on! Most Christians only read the parts their preacher spoon feeds them. It's always seemed strange to me that they claim it's the word of god, and yet they haven't read it. If you can get them to read the WHOLE Bible, it will be difficult for them not to question it's "holiness."

@OldWiseAss yep. Reading the bible all the way through was the first step in me learning religion is nonsense.

7

Her delusion is her opium . You can't reason with delusion.

Be assertive.

7

I would suggest that she should consider how she would feel if you judged her the way she judges you.

7

Wow... A spot of schooling there. Leave the door open though — that way you're setting the example of a more developed, compassionate mentality.

7

I was an obnoxious ass to several awesome people a few months before I left Christianity. Their loving support, kindness and tolerance has blossomed into beautiful friendships of 20+ years.

It's possible she's struggling with her beliefs and is turning to you bc you represent a truth she can't yet recognize

6

Sweetie,,,, YOU are a good influence on her! Don't give up! Don't you see??? She craves your wisdom and understanding! Otherwise she wouldn't keep calling you. One day she will finally realize all her previous religious notions are junk and you will have yourself a "soul mate friend".

6

What a GREAT response! You could not be a better neighbor or friend!

5

I’d tell her that I was uncomfortable talking to someone who was judgmental, and let her mull that over.
It isn’t for you to alleviate someone else’s problems by taking them on yourself.
She’s not showig you any respect, just dumping on you.

5

You gave her something to think about. If she contacts you again regarding this problem she doesn't want to be judged about, she will know that you will give her reasonable advice -- and if she wants to talk with you about it, she'll need to be respectful of where you're getting your morals and ethics.

4

You can use the behaviorist method to train her to leave you alone. Worked on my parents in about three visits.

Only pay attention to and listen to her when she is talking about neutral subjects and being nice, but the moment she goes religious, don't look at her, seem distracted, murmur "Um, hum" in a bored manner, then remember you have something to do, and LEAVE.

If you are consistent, and act indifferent without seeming to notice her each time she starts in on you, and ONLY look at her and engage when she is being nice, you will soon train her to behave around you.

4

So far you seem to be handling it just fine. Go with your instinct.

4

Could it be that her religious faith isn't as secure as she pretends, and what she really is looking for is a way to deal with it, and who is she going to talk to, her religious buddies? There's been a few believers like that on this site too. They say they are religious but like talking to atheists and agnostics. Wonder why? Ask her directly Maybe she'll come clean. Just a thought.

4

depends why you associate with her in the first place but I might be busy

3

You handled it very well. Maybe she needs you and your opinion. It's plain she is getting nothing from her own group.

3

When politely alienating a theist, I explain I have a great deal of respect for people who use demonsterable facts to determine truth claims and that anyone who uses faith (belief without evidence) to assert a claim that is not supported by facts - you know - a claim not supported with evidence like "there is a god" but I believe because I have faith, I generally don't like wasting time with these people because, they do not share my standard and appreciation of truth over non truth.

I have found this argument effective in driving away annoying theistic women.

3

Continue to do what you are doing. Be the good, Atheist person you are. Continue to be that non-judgmental source for her. Maybe you'll "save" her. LOL! Your comment about one-way judging was spot-on and I'm sure is making her think. =]

3

Delusional people don't think that they are!

Bubaj Level 4 June 6, 2018
3

It sounds like she’s growning. Keep it up.

3

Ask, are you sure that you don't want to be judged by one of your self-righteous peers?

3

Noticed you started with "My religious neighbour". Not my religious friend... well done on the distinction. Boundaries, boundaries.

3

If you are friends, I would continue to be supportive of her in her quest to honor fact over belief, if she is seeking change that is.

jeffy Level 7 June 6, 2018
3

I would keep talking to her, and keep planting seeds, with the hope that maybe 12 years later she is cured of her sickness.

3

I'd tell her it isn't smart to take advice from people destined to hell. You may be trying to pull her down with you.

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