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Do you fear people at your kid's school, neighbors, coworkers will find out that you don't believe in god? I am relatively new to Phx and want to make friends and playdates, but I've been burned/ghosted by potential friends after they found this out about me.

egiggy18 4 June 10
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2

Not so long ago I entered a junk food outlet run by Muslims. When I ordered some fries they asked me whether I wanted chicken salt with them. I replies, as I often do when I don't like something, "It's against my religion!!" Strangely enough they asked me what religion I belonged to. They seemed underwhelmed by my reply: "The one that is opposed to the consumption of chickens."

9

I don't fear it but I avoid the conversation. I work at a place where the population is predominately African American, and historically, culturally, most Blacks are believers. When people bring up religion or a Higher Power in casual conversation, I just nod and smile. If they push or ask pointed questions, I tell them I'm agnostic. Most accept it, some look at me as if I'd grown two heads, some feel sorry for me. Whatever. I respect religion and I am quick to say so; it's just not for me. If they keep pushing, I say, "I don't insist that you NOT believe; why do you insist that I do?"

I can't understand they still believe? It was forced on them when brought here as slaves. Indians were forced into it or be killed. Now they can be free of it just kick to the curb.

@benhmiller
It's often easier to remove chains from one's body than it is to remove them from one's mind.

6

I don't care anymore. I actually tell people I am atheist if the subject comes up.

i freely volunteer it cuts down on wasting time talking to them if it disturbs their narrow minds

6

First and foremost, To thine own self be true.

I like "the truth will set you free of the slave chains of !"

5

My parents' livelihoods would be directly impacted if people knew they weren't religious. We were told as kids not to mention it.

As an adult in a corporate workplace, it doesn't come up often, but I'm more open about it than my parents are. I have lost a few friends when I tell them. But honestly, I couldn't care less. Just makes their religion look bad, ya know? A lot of my friends, even the most religious friends, don't care. We sometimes debate religion, as adults. I'm fortunate to have a very diverse group of friends. We are Atheists, Christians, Muslims. Some are celebrating Ramadan right now and we listen when they tell us why and how.

In fact, politics are more decisive in my life at the moment. I'm Liberal. And some of my friends voted for Trump (I live in AR). And I ask them to point out the good things he's doing. It usually ends in a fight, because they now realize they made a mistake. And I'm an asshole that points that out so they can make a more educated decision in November.

There were none so defensive of the Pinto, Corvair, Citroen or Aztek as the goofs who bought them. The awful truth is that we double-down hardest on our biggest mistakes and rarely learn from them. Nixon and GWB were both re-elected, for God's sake. Don't try to convert your Arkansas friends about religion or politics, you just cause them to entrench. The best you can hope for is that they will be too lazy to vote in November or to go to church on Sunday. There is a cure for ignorance but stupid is forever.

@TravelinTom They arent stupid, just sheltered and brainwashed. They've never been challenged in their thinking. They just do whatever their father or preacher tells them. But when challenged on why they think Trump is doing well and they can't come up with anything, the cognitive dissonance makes them squirm. One young friend told me just the other day she had no idea Trump was so horrible, she just heard what her husband told her.

I agree that some people are too entrenched in the party to see the harm that Trumpnis doing, or they just don't care. But I refuse to give up on everyone. We must educate and shine a light on what needs to change. EDUCATION will kill religion, and I'm positive that education will also help us move forward politically.

5

I lived in Arizona (Ahwatukee, Mesa, and Tucson) for many years and I did not have a problem being a non-believer. Certainly not up in the high-country, like Payson and Sedona.
I didn't ADVERTISE it, I didn't go looking for trouble or to offend people, but when it came up, I didn't lie, I wasn't fake, I didn't pretend to be something I'm not. I simply said (and still say) "I'm not currently practicing any organized religion". And if people ask again, I tell them it's personal, I don't want to talk about it. If they push, I tell them that I don't believe in any of the Gods that are popular right now. (And I don't believe in the ones that were popular in Ancient Greece, either). If they become assholes about it, I tell them I "don't have an imaginary friend in the sky and I don't want one. If they want to have one, ok - go play with your imaginary friend then"
One of the above usually lets people know where I stand.

5

I don't care who knows anymore. I figure if it's on the internet, anyone curious can find out.

EdEarl Level 8 June 10, 2018
5

I am proud to tell people. I used to be shy about it, but, I realized that it should be told with pride.

4

Welcome to the community and to Arizona. My first summer here was the toughest. We can never be fully acclimated but it does get easier.

If it isn't religion, it is something else that can be the deal breaker. There are asses and kooks even on this board that you should probably avoid. "Fear" is hyperbole and neither should you "worry". You may never be especially close to your LDS or Foursquare neighbor but you will eventually find your birds of a feather. For the most part, they don't burn crosses in your yard here in Arizona and agnostics are rarely lynched except maybe in Mesa.

I am not ashamed of my beliefs but if asked, I usually reply that "I don't believe in organized religion."

Thanks. I grew up in AZ, but left to live in Boston, Seattle and Oregon for 18 yrs. After moving back. I was a little shell shocked that my political and spiritual views were in the minority. I also am a working mom and my husband is a stay at home dad, and that blows people's minds for some reason.

4

The social back lash where I live can be severe. I honestly don't care if people like me or not, but my kids got pretty heavily bullied by both other kids (whose parents were encouraging it) and certain teachers. It also can result in firings where I work. Religious mgmt gets away with it because HR never stands up to it and the managers know how to spin false accusations.

We have not been living a lie, though. We just keep our politics and private. If asked, we state that we do not attend church and end the discussion.

My youngest is now done with school and I am months from being able to retire from this job. We'll be wearing our Atheist T-shirts in no time! (;

Zster Level 8 June 10, 2018

Same I’m sorry you have to deal with the same bs.

Wow. That sounds awful. My last firm was a little like that. Some one yelled across the office that we had a common friend (my best friend who recently became born again) . She yelled that my best friend had been struggling with the fact that I don't believe in god. (That was the first time I heard that about my friend.) I felt sooo uncomfortable, because my bosses and coworkers were very religious and i didnt want it to affect my job.

@egiggy18 Ugh! Awkward!!! I hope there was no backlash. Where I work, I would be socially ostracized and might find myself in HR defending myself against some bogus accusation from a boss...

4

When it come to friends and society I avoid 2 topics. Religion and politics. No one wants to hear any one talk about either of them.

4

When it comes to friends, I've always focused on who I would want as a friend, not who would want me for a friend. I'm accepting of people, but I would rather have one or two true friends than several shallow acquaintances. That has always seemed to function well for me.

4

I would never lie just for the sake of a quiet life or to avoid offending over-sensitive types. Last Friday, after being in my current job for just three weeks, I revealed to my (predominantly Muslim) colleagues that I was an atheist. I would have preferred not to have done so at such an early-stage, but one particularly devout member of staff was lecturing me about the Islamic faith and then asked if I was Catholic (!?). I felt I had no choice than to state my non-theism.

There are still many Atheist in the closet! So many say they believe just so they blend in. Isn't that people do with dictators in charge?

Come out of the closet - its more fun outside!

3

I usually don't mention it and let people see what kind of person I am before exposing it and tell them that had I never mentioned it they wouldn't have known so what will change in our relationship? If they have a problem with it I say, "Judge not lest ye be judged."

It's my impression that there are likely fewer non-believers in the African American community than in the white community. Does that seem accurate to you?

@ellerdor Slavery left an indelible mark on us and I find that many are connected to religion because of it.

3

My question is: Why do you care what anyone thinks about you. The fact is the only time most people think about anyone other than themselves, it's usually to judge, compare, or to wonder what you can do for them.

You didn't lose potential friends. They showed you just what kind of friend they would be.

Be true and honest to, with, and about yourself. Real friends will come.

3

Those who shun you because of non belief are not worth being around! AZ is a red state so not alot of free thinkers there.

3

If asked I would just say I'm not comfortable talking about religion or politics in today's world. It's no one else's business. From reading previous comments it doesn't look like you'll have too much trouble. Good luck

I come out and say I don't believe and not superstitious. If they push I start quoting the evil in the bible and it shocks them I know it

3

What exactly do you fear? Will they burn you at the stake? Put you in prison? Refuse to let you the PTA? If you are uncomfortable answering when someone asks a personal question, just say "I believe personal spirituality is a private matter, thank you" and let it go. Only rude people will keep asking after that.

But, seriously, it's 2018....and most people don't really give a crap anymore what people believe as long as you aren't knocking on their doors trying to convert them or murdering goats in your front yard.

How nice for you that you feel safe. Some of us in the middle of red state bible belted prison are not so lucky. I hope you try empathy in your future communications.

@jenandjuice1111 LOL hahahahahahaha I am surrounded by red states in all directions. You're in AZ...next to CA and I've been to Phoenix many times. I'm pretty sure you'll be ok. Also, AZ isn't considered part of the Bible Belt and has never has been part of it. Here....take a look at the link. I'm SOLIDLY in the Bible Belt. You are not.
[en.wikipedia.org]

@SkotlandSkye you should do your research before laughing coldly at someone’s suffering. I am in the middle of Texas. Thanks for all your support!

@jenandjuice1111 wait, you're NOT the OP who is in Phoenix?? Well, you responded to my comment to the OP as if you were the OP. Again, my comment was to the OP. Not sure why you responded to a comment that WASN'T TO YOU. BTW, I'm on the OK/TX border. It's FINE here too. The mobs haven't shown up with pitchforks to burn me at the stake yet and I've been here a decade.

@SkotlandSkye then you must obviously know about my situation exactly and be able to accurately judge MY situation. If that comment was directed at the OP, then you are a bigger piece of shit than I initially thought. How nice of you to judge people you know nothing about. You are no better than any religious person.

You know nothing about us, SkotSkye. Arizona's soul and mind set is more Deep South than Southwestern. We are the State that brought you Joe Arpaio and Barry Goldwater. We compete with Arkansas and Mississippi for last place in things like education, racism, healthcare and most likely to marry a cousin. I often feel I live in Arizbama or Mississizona.

@Scoobs exactly...if you go looking for drama you will find it...just as if you are looking for someway to be offended and "victimized" you can create that situation also.

3

I don't care who knows anymore.

3

I work with very Christian people and say I am agnostic. Seems more acceptable than telling them I am a hard boiled atheist. They have said prayers for me and said god is looking after me. They are being kind. I just say thanks. They mean well, and it’s their culture. I am foreign so perhaps they give me a free pass for being weirdly irreligious.

Livia Level 6 June 10, 2018

I have told everyone since my 20s don't care. Some young gals came knocking on my door Jokies. I said I am atheist they asked if they could come and talk to me apparently they never talked to one out of the closet. We were talking when one of their dads came looking. That is when one of my roommates came out and offered him a beer LOL! He treid to quote shit out of the book of fiction.

2

Do you want friends / dates that love the real you? Well, then, say you are an Atheists; you will be surprised how many believers continue to be your friends and how many "in the closet Atheists" will approach you to congratulate you on account of your honesty.

2

I understand the fear to some degree. You may receive some judgment or you may actually impart some understanding. Many of the people I share with, Christians in particular, say they really don't believe and just participate because of social pressure or they enjoy the fellowship. I get that. You may loose a friend (not a good one anyway) or you might make a good friend an even closer friend. Just do what your comfortable with and don't worry to much about it.

2

I've been out so long that I tell everyone I meet, and I can't help but notice the reaction has changed over time, what used to be either stony silence or a shocked look have become "that's nice". I'll take it! But I don't live in the south, the Bible belt in particular. Even worse I much prefer to live in the country and rural areas are usually deep in the grip of the Evangelical .

2

When my children were little I was very careful who I let know about my non- belief for fear that teachers and adults would 1. Take some kind of weird perversion be mean to them or 2. They would make it there mission to save them. But once they got old enough to tell me if theses things happened I didn't try to keep it quite.

2

If you are not always thinking about God or Agnosticism/Atheism all the time, if you are the person who will not be bothered by every single religious bullshit you hear and can just lightly ignore the shallow talks to focus on good interpersonal relationship based on momentary smiles and joys, if you are involved with some of the plenty of fun activities like sports, dance, dining, kayaking, hiking, biking, running, video games, book reading, blogging, vlogging, cooking, yoga, arts, music and are willing to know passionate people who are involved with these activities and can share their passion, I don't see why you won't be able to subside the religiosity or religious conversation. And I don't know how even a religious people can avoid such an interesting person like you. So, be interesting, be fun, be friendly, talk important things with those who may understand the importance, you will never be out of friends. But still you will often feel lonely like I am feeling in this morning coz I am far away from my family and haven't met them for over 4 years and lots of other personal issues and insecurities. But I know I will move my ass to make my day as fun as possible. I make my day and I try hardest not to allow anyone to ruin my moments and my peace of mind even if they try hard. And I can tell you that most of my religious friends don't dislike me, if not love me. Only one life we got. Enjoy with everyone ! And those can't appreciate who you are after all these, why will we even waste a single bit of seconds thinking about them? We do because we are human, but may be we should not sometimes and let those feelings leave.

Thanks for sharing. Most of my religious friends are cool and fine with me being athiest. However some people, including my born again best friend of 30 years, are struggling with the fact that i won't submit to my husband, etc.

2

I live in london and being a pakistani i have had a sort of rough time. Not from other's but from my own muslim friends and family. The worst was being threatened to be killed so I could find out god really exists. But i'm too confident and couldn't give a rats arse about it. I just carried on being kind and helpful and then something strange happened. I got accepted. Now I get told that I am a good muslim even if i don't accept it. I don't argue, I don't ridicule and I just get on with life. I get the sense they all think it but are trapped in tradition and where appropriate, like funerals, weddings etc I will turn up out of respect and in with what evers going on. But everyone knows I am godless. I in turn feel sorry for them. Hope that helps...don't ever show fear!

Nardi Level 7 June 10, 2018
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