Thanks for being so open. I wish you the best and I hope you will be able to reach out when you need to.

From someone who only lived to the ripe old age of 27:

“The days tick by and you just expect they will keep on coming, until the unexpected happens.
“I always imagined myself growing old, wrinkled and grey – most likely caused by the beautiful family (lots of kiddies) I planned on building with the love of my life.”
“I want that so bad it hurts. That’s the thing about life; It is fragile, precious and unpredictable and each day is a gift, not a given right. I’m 27 now. I don’t want to go. I love my life.”
“You might have got caught in bad traffic today, or had a bad sleep because your beautiful babies kept you awake, or your hairdresser cuts your hair too short. Your new fake nails might have got a chip, your boobs are too small, or you have cellulite on your arse and your belly is wobbling.”
“Let all that s*** go.. I swear you will not be thinking of those things when it is your turn to go. It is all SO insignificant when you look at life as a whole.
“I’m watching my body waste away right before my eyes with nothing I can do about it and all I wish for now is that I could have just one more Birthday or Christmas with my family, or just one more day with my partner and dog. Just one more.”
“I tried to live a healthy life, in fact, that was probably my major passion.”
“Appreciate your good health and functioning body- even if it isn’t your ideal size. Look after it and embrace how amazing it is. Move it and nourish it with fresh food. Don’t obsess over it.”
“Eat the cake. Zero guilt.”

I deal with severe depression daily. There are days I have to talk my self off the ledge. Not everyone can reach out. Not even to love ones. It's the thought of the pain I would leave behind that keeps me going. Ending my pain will not make it go away, it just transfers to others. I can't do that to anyone.

Oh sweetheart, I'd give you a big ass hug if I could! I hate that good people have to suffer through this kind of shit. Get the counseling you need soon, HHK, and keep your friends and family closer to you than usual. Hang in there, we're all pulling for you here at the Ag.

Don't know if this helps, but don't take the world upon your shoulders, been there too, love,

Each bout I remember 2 things:

1. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem
2. I'm not ending the pain, I'm giving it to someone else

I hope you are able to find the help and comfort that you need. Hold on to those that love you and lean on them when you have trouble continuing on your own. If you haven't already and you can afford/access it, find some form of therapy.
I don't mean this as a to-do list, or to infer that I'm any kind of expert... Just know that there are people out here that want well for you, not because we know you personally, but because we can empathize to various degrees and wouldn't stand by and say or do nothing if there exists a chance to help.
In all, I hope things get better for you.

[suicidepreventionlifeline.org]

Thanks everyone. It's been a rollercoaster couple months.

HUGZ...glad you are still here with us. I've been there it's a very dark and heavy place. Hang on. What helps me is the knowledge that things change so fast and I'd hate to miss anything. Keep reaching out you are not alone.

I've been there. Maybe not that far but for brief moments I feel I was. And my brother actually tried, so I get it. I understand you completely, and I know that very little anyone can say can help. BUT, I'm going to try anyway...

You need to understand what a "miracle" you are. Granted, atheists don't believe in true miracles, but humans are as close as you'll ever get to one, and you get to be one! There is nothing like us in countless light years in every direction of the galaxy, maybe farther (maybe, I think there has to be life out there, but intelligent????)! It took an incomprehensible amount of cosmic, stellar, solar, earthly, and biological evolution for us to be here. When I get really down I remind myself of that. That we are a way for the universe to know itself, and we have a duty as a neuron in the mind of the universe to move forward. I hope that reality can pull you out of a lull someday. Absolute best of luck to you.

Please call 1-800-273-8255 and talk to someone today. You are loved and you are needed. (((((Hugs)))))

Even though I don't know you I am glad you are still with us. I'm sure you know what you need to do (I realize the issue isn't knowing what to do it's actually doing it) but one thing that has helped me is making some surprising connections with some amazing people on this site. As much as we think we're alone, nobody can understand us, or no one else has experienced what we are going through it's a lie. We are NEVER truly alone and there is always someone, usually more than one, who wants for us to stick around. There are many of us out here going through the same struggles who can share ourselves with you and help you with your burden. Peace.

Giant hugs!

Hugs to you.

I'm happy that you are still with us, please take care of yourself.

Glad you are still here...

Hugs, positive thoughts and a bit of understanding.. here for support.

So very glad you’re still here. Many hugs.

((((Hugs)))). I've been there.

Glad you didn't. Understand what it's like. Sorry you felt that way

I'm glad you didn't proceed last night. It takes a lot of courage to pull back from the brink. You should be proud of yourself. I'm not going to offer suggestions -- I don't think now is the time, but if you want some, I'd be happy to share. I have never come that close, but have cradled the thought of suicide for over fifty years. You're strong.And you will choose to do what is right for you. Clearly right now, that choice is life.

Glad you are still with us. I wish I had some advice, but I don't really. I can definitely relate though. Loneliness is awful. Contributes to my depression badly. Loss of friends and family. I'm far away from my kids, etc.... Plus, I relocated to a rural area which doesn't help. That's a whole other story......
I've never attempted suicide, but the thought has crossed my mind several times. Sometimes I don't wanna live, but I don't want to die either.... When your mind gets that dark, it's hard to see any light at all.......

More proof of religion being wrong. They say god only gives you what you can handle. I say bullshit

Thanx for sticking around. I hope you are seeking some help.