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Out of curiosity, how many people here are old fashioned? As in, you personally prefer the guy brings home the money and the female to be a house wife? If you do not follow that preference, why? I personally would love to be a house wife, simply for the fact I have no real skill other than being able to take care of people and I feel needed. Since I feel like that is my only skill, I'm going to go into child care until or if I don't find someone who would let me be a house wife. And yes, I do believe women can do both! All the more power to them!

By AccursedHalo6
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38 comments

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0

I believe that if a woman wants to work she can do whatever she wants. it is her choice. I believe that if they want to stay home and be a housewife that is fine too. Don't sell yourself short. You may not have discovered your skill and potential yet. The fact that you are a freethinker that has not followed the masses into a religious dogma, proves that your intelligence level is above many of the rest of society.

noworry28 Level 7 Dec 27, 2017
6

It sounds as if you're making less of a career choice and more of lifestyle choice. Trust me, if you want to be dressed up by a man, physically and fincially controlled by a man, while you try to recreate a 1950's household, it's a niche fetish men will flock to fulfill in the bdsm culture.

Not my ideal at all, but I wish you the best of luck. I also hope you know how immensely capable you are and that everyone is a little afraid of having to be masters of our own fate.

Eponymous Level 5 Dec 27, 2017

Thank you for the BDSM culture bit. Beat me to it. That is definitely somebody's kink. Just be careful what you wish for and educate yourself so that you don't inadvertently becomes someone's play thing.

5

There’s nothing wrong with being a housewife, but there’s more to life than raising children. I think you’ll regret not doing or becoming something else when you’re children leave home.

4

Personally, I'd highly recommend learning a marketable skill that you can support yourself on. This will give you the power and freedom to be independent someday if you want to. I've seen many woman who want a fairy tale life, and end up trapped with a bad guy for financial reasons.

Gener Level 5 Dec 27, 2017
4

I am of two minds about this. I believe that when children are below the age of 17 a child should have full time access to either their mother or father. Whomever stays home with the kids. Men are just as capable to being the nurturing caregiver just like woman are capable of serving in a battle. My 2nd part of that, is if the kids are functioning young adults and are gaining their independence then there is no reason the woman can't join the workforce. She could help build a nest egg for their retirement. Or simply just expand her horizons and meet new people. Seriously, what is she going to do when the kids are grown and gone?

Ometiklan Level 4 Dec 27, 2017
4

I am a lazy man. Would like to stay home and let my wife work. Ha ha.. On serious note, present day both need to work so as to meet both ends. So old fashioned lifestyle is a luxury for the working class.

Srijith Level 7 Dec 27, 2017
4

To me it's just a matter of personal preference.

3

You are 19, why label yourself as "having no skills" as though that's all you're destined to be? You haven't even had time to find a suitable skill and passion yet. It's fine if you simply want to be a housewife, but I reject your logic leading to that decision.

ssjtin Level 4 Dec 29, 2017

I'm going to message you.

3

You do you. There is no wrong answer so long as you're happy and nobody else is adversely impacted. I hate doing housework, personally, and would love to just work and have a housewife, but I'd probably be equally happy having a wife who also works and hiring a maid service, I think.

3

I prefer the old fashioned way where the guy brings home the money and the female raises the child. I was fortunate to be able to have this situation and could afford to do so because I never lived above my means. If I could not of had this situation I would not have got maried or had a child in the first place. No one can argue that it is better for a child to be taken care of by day care all day. If people chose to have one child ,more people might be able to do this. My wife and I agreed to this lifestyle before we got married and this is what she always wanted in life any way. She has skills and could return to the workforce if I drop dead. Woman should have a skill or profession to fall back on if necessary

richiegtt Level 7 Dec 26, 2017
2

I think both sides of a couple need to maintain a middle class earning potential just from a risk mitigation standpoint. It is not smart to build potential helplessness into the structure of your life.

It is not bad to be a stay at home parent for either spouse, but get a degree or training that you will always be able to fall back in. To be able to earn enough money to maintain the lifestyle you want.

Death happens, divorce happens, disability happens, 2008 recession happens. It’d be terrible to have your spouse lose their job and you can’t do anything to prevent the household from going into free fall.

Myah Level 6 Jan 4, 2018

Agreed, it's choice. You can chose to finish HS and stop, but that will limit that person's choices, not the bread winner. Don't limit yourself or others.

Women lose 40% of their income upon divorce. For men it is half that. Women especially need to be cognizant having earning potential that they can be satisfied with.

Below is a good episode on the class side that can happen after divorce. From the podcast Death Sex and Money.
It’s also worth noting that a big reason for the increase is divorce rate is due to women’s increased income. They are no longer financially beholden to a bad marriage.

[wnycstudios.org]

2

Hmmm... it would truely help you if you would at least have 10 years of work that paid into your social security. You need 40 points. Check to see why. Life is not fairytale. You get what you put into it. You want to be a housewife... that's cool. What if something happens to your partner? Then what? Take advantage of all the professions you can reach for. Never ever think its going to be easy if just someone marries you and you just take care of the house and kids. Protect yourself. Protect your family. It's hard to get a great paying job out there in this world. There is always someone after yours. You got to stay on top of your game. If your partner looses his job then your the back up money. If he can't find one then kick his butt out. There's nothing worse you can do to yourself by being just a stay home house wife. I know that's an all day job... but it doesn't pay the bills. Sorry if I'm to opinionated here. Go see a financial advisor and see what you need to do. They will help you set your goals straight.

Bob ,the woman only has to be married 10 years to get 50 percent of the husbands social security ,not effecting his amount, even if she gets divorced . This 50 percent is somtimes more than her 100 percent.

@richiegtt pretty cool on the death benefits but what about a divorce at a young age... that's what i was talking about. Not trying to be offensive..ok.

@richiegtt oh yes.. thank you for answering me and please let me know if I'm wrong?

2

I spent 25+ years as a stay at home mom. We also moved frequently (ex was military, and I was when we married.) I did not have skills for a good job, so staying home with the kids was a good choice for us. I should have started taking college courses when we finally had the stability of a metropolitan area and children in school, however I put it off. I hit the point where I knew the marriage had to end and I had to be ready so I got an Associate's degree. I wish I had gone further, but hindsight is 20/20. My girls (I don't have sons) were encouraged to get their degree and get a job as in this day and age it is hard to have a one income family. I think each couple needs to make that decision, and child care is frightfully expensive. And there is nothing wrong with a stay at home dad.

1

My 19 years of marriage were while I was in the Navy... We got a term "navy wife". A navy wife stays home, raise the kids and do everything while her man is out at sea deployed for up to 6 months at a time. I knew my wife been an athlete, gone to college, done some modeling, been a secretary, could dance, sell shoes and was pretty and smart. It was not about the money coming in it was about I didn't wanted her to waste as a navy wife (with all respect to all women holding that label now). So I requested her to work just to stay active outside the house. I am proud to say that from a job that started as a part time a few hours a week in a table in a library of a very small base. Now she has made it to a job that she travels the world inspecting Senior Rank Officers transient accommodations that not even the federal government shutdown affects her because her outfit is self sufficient. I am proud of her being mother of my children. I may never get the credit I may or may not deserve for her achievements in life but I didn't do it for the glory I did it for her potential and when I am Right about a Woman... Damn it I am Right!!!

I am very familiar with the term navy wife. More familiar with Marine wife since I live near a large marine base. But those who stay at home are now looked down upon because of the girls, not women, but girls and I say girls because they purposely seek out a military man solely for his benefits and to live off of him so she does not have to do anything and will usually cheat on him with a "Jodie", aka a guy she fucks on the side when is deployed or out in the field. They are now called one of three things, Dependasaurus (the cranky angry, fun spoiling controller freak, usually a mother of a demon spawn), Dependapotomous (one who gained a lot of weight after and they usually suckered the guy in with a kid so he can't leave) or just simply Dependa. Because the depend on the military guy. Which makes me feel like crap for wishing to one day be a house wife since so many people belittle you if you are a stay at home wife.

@AccursedHalo You sure look like a beautiful young woman that has figured out what is going on around you. And everything you said is true and I didn't wanted to bring it up. Marine is a tough life and a lot of broken people move in that direction. My son wanted to join the Marines but his mother wouldn't have it. I convinced him that he was too smart and too tall to be a marine... your enemy will be telling you I can see your elbows behind the tree and you are the tall tree. He ended up in the USAF. Still he volunteered to Afghanistan physical security despite him being a Network Security geek. So now he is a dangerous geek. But I will bring the other side of the coin and pardon me for thinking you have oriental blood in you but the Navy used to be big in the Philippines... sailors will marry the locals and have children with them and being served by them as a king until they retire and return to the CONUS and then divorce them. Often they were left with nothing. Navy passed a law that if you are married 10 years during the service stint, you will get half of the pension. So my ex wife (from P.R.) gets half of my pension and I have no beef with it. She earned it. I believe that law was passed to protect the wife that stick around for that long. Being on service 20 years I had seen it all from prostitution rink by wives on Guantanamo Bay to Swing clubs on a Naval Security Group. You can go into the military a sane, productive individual and the service will break you into a broken soul for what you see and have to endure. Is not for everyone and you know the girls around the base want a piece of that just to get out of town and see other parts of the world. I joined the Navy because I wanted to see the world. Been stationed in Puerto Rico, Spain, Crete and Germany besides the CONUS. Have an education in World and Life that no book can offer me. Some of those girls to be able to be stationed with their husband in Hawaii or Europe is like a dream, they heard about. I don't see nothing wrong with a stay at home wife but I wanted my wife to be more than that. Because I saw and knew of her potential to be anything she set her eyes on doing. Did not wanted her one day age 60 look around and start crying because she could had been more. After my first 4 years we discussed, her joining and me being the stay home guy. I didn't wanted it for me or for her. I believe in the potential of humans and the freedom to spread your wings. And Yes there will always be a Crazy Element hard to understand and comprehend around a Marine Base. I commend you for what you expressed about the young wives on base. I remember one country western listening overweight young seaman working for me that tapped into that navy wife circuit. When you have a deployed sailor wife coming to your boat to argue about him messing with somebody else, it is Crazy. Thank You for bring it up what is going on that will be out of the minds of civilians.

@GipsyOfNewSpain Lol, not oriental. I am Hispanic. But completely agree.

@AccursedHalo Awesome so watch out those marines will find you Exotic. I had noticed via my son's friends in Vegas that people from San Salvador, Peru, Chile look very oriental, credit to they native heritage for sure. And I will tell you, you are wise beyond your years... never stop observing what goes around you.

1

I’d be all for it if jobs paid enough. On the other hand, women have fought and died to have the same rights as men. I value their ambition to want to work and have careers.

1

Having defined rolls like that are less important than functionality. Every couple will and should be different, what works for one won't work for all.

1

It seems to me that the term" old fashioned" refers to the way your grandmother lived 50 years ago. So if you lift your shirt at concerts, hitch hike around, have drug fueled sex, you're an "old fashioned" girl!

Benmonk Level 6 Jan 3, 2018

lol!

1

Whatever makes people happy. If a man can support the family and the wife wants to stay at home, that's beautiful.

1

Wow! I did not expect to get so much feedback! It is interesting to read everyone's opinions! Like I said I am going to go into child care because I do need to be independent. But remember, being a house wife doesn't necessarily mean you have to have kids! If I was fortunate enough to be a house wife, I would not just be home lazing around all day. I'd make sure the house was clean and food was ready for when the husband got home; as someone mentioned before which is exactly what I would do, I would go and help out the community, whether it was helping out the seniors, the homeless, or help get things done that needed to be done in the community. I think it is very fulfilling to be able to lead a life like that. Though, I do understand not everyone has this luxury. Both of my parent's worked until mom got really sick, they told her if she was better in 6 months, they would happily take her back and she would still be making the amount she made when she quit! But, her health issues lasted for a year, and her health would fluctuate so she stayed home and took care of me. She is the hardest working woman I know other than my sister and I admire them for it! She has tried to go back to work in the past couple of years due to the increase on prices on things and her social security (I was raised by older people, old enough to be my great grandparents) and dad's income isn't enough. He can't retire though because he wouldn't make enough through social security because as a young adult he had amazing jobs that made super well, but he got paid under the table so to speak. I see how hard it is and I am thankful they let me still live at home to go to college. So, I do know I need to work to bring home the bacon if you don't have the fortune of being able to stay at home! It's just a dream and I wanted to know everyone else's opinion of this old fashioned way. I call it old fashioned because I know a lot of women DO NOT want this and prefer to work, which I totally get! My mom has gone crazy not being able to work (no one will hire her due to her age), so I admire all of you who love working! In my area, this is not so old fashioned due to this being a large military town and a lot of the women stay home to take care of the kids. Thank you all for your feedback! Happy Holidays!!

1

I would love to be a stay at home mom. But, working is what I have to do for my family to survive. I feel it's whatever is best for you that matters the most. I've worked since I was 15, so it's just part of who I am.

1

Well, I'm gonna be called a misogynist for this, even though I believe this only applies to the woman that I want, I could care less about what other women do who aren't mine.

I do believe in traditional roles. A man should be the bread winner and a women should take care of the household after they have had children. Why should I work all day and then have to come home and take care of the house? If taking care of the kids and house are too much, maybe she shouldn't have wanted to be a stay at home mom? Go out, get a good job and I'll stay at home, I think it's pretty easy. Was with a lazy girl once who only worked 20h a week, she left the house destroyed and let her kids do whatever. After working all day I'd take care of the kids and clean the house. Guess what? They never made a mess while I was there, because why? Discipline and actually watching them instead of letting them do whatever the hell they wanted to. Not something I'd ever go back to, I'm not gonna bust my ass all day at a good paying job just to come home and play maid. So ya, get a good job and kids can go to day care and we can split the chores, otherwise if you're not gonna work a real job then you best keep the house in order at all times.

Just my 2 cents.

Exarch Level 1 Dec 27, 2017
1

I see some hard comments below. Her claim to having no skills doesn't imply she doesn't plan on having any all her life. She obviously would develop skills as parenting alone. She can also develop skills as she attends school meetings as she meets others leading to a well of other aspects. She could very well become the next best politician in her area through this type of parenting. These types of women use to form some of the best localities across America during our best times! Something we as a nation should get back to in my opinion. Something out of Glass House>>> You had a core of college-educated, sophisticated people who made good livings working right downtown at the corner of Broad and Main Street, and more importantly, in some ways, their wives — remember this is '40s, '50s, '60s and into the '70s — their wives typically didn't work at a career-type job outside the home. They threw themselves into the town. So they did hospital benefits, they did benefits for preserving the old Antebellum homes in Lancaster, they did vaccination drives, they made sure the sidewalks got repaired, the streets got paved, they attended city council meetings. This was a core of civic leadership.>>> A book from Brian Alexander on the city of Lancaster Ohio. An interview with and NPR program. [npr.org] No, it's not for every today's woman with the entrapment of the ending story in his book or the city of Lancaster. But there is still a presence and desire for some women who feel the urge to serve society in this nature.

1

I/we, are in that mold. Although within today's still developing type of economic structure for middle and lower class, that type of structured home life is for the most part is unsustainable. Mary however as you referred to, does both. What a blessing I got in her 4 years ago! After decades of bad relationship after bad relationship. I hope you're able to find a good man that has the ability to take you within your desired life style and find the best of times together. With that said though. At your age it's not likely to come soon. Search well and be very attentive to the nature of potential prospects. The history of most here would tell you, you have many relationships to trial before you actually find a good one. My trials took me to 51 before I found Mary. Sometimes I wish I had this advice and understood it earlier in my life sometimes. But better late than never!

1

To each their own, I guess. I, personally, used to want this but after being a sort of 'house wife' to my ex of three years...I can safely say, NO THANK YOU. I like to work. I like to have my own money. I like to have a routine and a schedule outside of my home. I also find that I get really very annoyed if I'm the ONLY one doing any sort of housework and such even if I'm not working- I still feel everything should be very egalitarian and shared.

Veritae Level 4 Dec 27, 2017
1

In my last relationship, I explained to her that I cannot afford you to just be at home and that you needed to do your part. I didn't expect a clean house, but I expected it to be organized. But when the dishes weren't done and I don't have money for McDonald's, I just made a mess around the house, did the dishes and cooked a meal. I did offer her some but she refused.
You see, I can't bring home all the bacon, but you need to pull your fair share of it. And if you want to stay at home, fine. But don't expect me to own a car, don't expect me to bring in all the food,. Help out, grow a garden. Use the bicycles and bicycle trailer that I provided and the monthly bus pass.

1

I would have loved to be a house husband, my ex just up and stopped working and refused to go back, her argument was that is the reason she got married so she didn't have to work. Compromise, kids and I left when they were old enough to choose and I raised them as a single dad, unfortunately this meant working long hours, lots of hour at night working from home, but my employer was as helpful as possible, I never missed a single event in my kids school lives and they never came home to an empty house. Things can be awkward, I have dated wealthy women who insist the man pays, I try and be chivalrous, polite and so on, I open doors, I lift the heavy stuff, pay for the 1st meal when starting to date a lady, I give the excuse that I pay when we are out because it is more likely that the lady does the home cooked meal. That has almost NEVER happened. Don't get me wrong, I have no objection to the lady paying after the 1st date, and in all of my longer term relationships, it has been the lady who instigated the relationship and sex. I don't have any problems with this.

Rugglesby Level 8 Dec 27, 2017
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