why? for the same reasons men do.... shoe's on the other foot this time? it's kind of scary and thrilling all at the same time... the roller coaster of love & heartbreak. ?

I can only speak for myself. I admittedly lack self confidence and fear rejection. I can only imagine how a man who also lacks confidence must feel.

This will probably be the same answer as some men. I usually don't ask men out because I have been turned down (a lot) before. Also and this might anger some folks, but I'm a little old school and prefer that the man initiates and pays for the first date.

Because the majority of men are stupid and a minority of men are just sex mad insecure power hungry nobheads that spoil it for the rest of them

Just ask me out already. I promise to say yes.

I can't remember who said it but, assuming heterosexuality, when a guy asks a woman out he risks rejection while if a woman asks and goes out with a guy she risks being raped. There is a power dynamic in our gendering that is still strong and pervasive. I know both genders can be shy and fear rejection but our gender roles play a part in this too. I try very hard to remind myself that if a woman asks me out it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with sex.

When I thought I was straight I was too beaten down emotionally to even try asking guys on dates. Now I'm too shy to ask other women. ?

I shy away from asking specifically for the reasons you mentioned. The guy either thinks it's a hook up or a proposal. So, to avoid that, I say that I wouldn't say no to a date invitation or something along those lines. Middle ground, it is a thing.

It's our culture and the way we are all programmed to keep women in their places... submissive to men. Religion has taught this since the beginning of religion. Advertising is rampant with it. The jewelry ads always have the man taking charge of the situation. Our TV and movies all teach that men are to be in control. Save the poor damsel in distress.

When boys cry, they are taught (programmed) to "man up", to stuff those feelings and get control of themselves. Girls are held and lovingly told to cry it out. Men are allowed to feel rage and lust. Women are allowed all the other feelings, but not rage and lust.

Women, in general, have a hard time asking men out because they've been programmed to believe they will appear too forward, too slutty, too this, too that. Men don't like women with self-confidence because they've been programmed to dislike them.

We're programmed all the time. TV is the best example of it. We're programmed how to think, who to hate, who to love, what to believe.

Our culture does not like people who think for themselves and refuse to be programmed, or fight the programming.

Go against the flow. Take the different path. Forget about "what will they think?". They are only thinking of you when they are wanting you to conform to their expectations of who you "should" be. Screw that.

I wonder about something deeper for women that affects this. Like there is a level where females want someone in control. Often considered this when confronted with groups like the Mormons where men dominate and women seem fine with it.

Also hear plenty of women wanting manly men, or a guy who knows what he wants. All this adds up to me as evidence of a female need for a man to take care of things.

Just some thoughts...

I think you have probably answered that question yourself. The risk I would think is that she may be afraid that the man may think by asking him out she wanted to have sex. The other thing that probably makes women hesitate to ask men out is simply that long held social customs take a long time to change and it used to be considered “forward” of a woman to approach a man.

If a woman asks me out, I would assume she’s attracted to me, but that doesn’t mean I’d be expecting a big ol’ sexathon at the end of the date. I have a difficult time asking women out for dates. Truth is, I haven’t asked anyone who wasn’t my wife out on a real date for about 17 years.

That is sad in these days of so many changes and it is due to the men's perspective which needs to change.

Men are certainly as shy and insecure as women. I would welcome it.

I just think it takes time for customs to change. Younger people are more comfortable with women asking a man out

First I gotta meet local guys, and that hasn't happened in ages. But yeah, if there was a local guy on this site I thought we could click I'd ask him out. I have asked out men before, and gotten stood up. I do believe they were scammers.

It's a complicated game, not everyone play the same. Every story is different, I guess. If there is a bit of spark then they will know and things may happen. However, there are levels of complexity such as who say what, intentions, assumptions, rejection, misunderstandings.... Uffff.... Why do we think there are plenty of lonely people at both sides of the fence? Because it's not easy... I wish it was

Just be clear about the limitations and expectations. Friendship is a wonderful gift even without "the extras" if the other person can't see that, it is their loss, not yours and they are not worth wasting another minute on.

I think there is a stereotype that women who ask out men are either desperate or just wanting sex immediately.

It's where their head is! And who knows when and where it might be in the right place.

I certainly find it to ask a woman out, and have no problems all with being asked out.

Have you considered that women are just not that interested in going out ?

I think this is just carried over from a time when it wasn't considered acceptable to ask men out. And of course there is also the fear of rejection. Over time as it becomes more socially accepted more women will become comfortable in asking guys out.

Without the social pressure to make the first move there is less driving them beyond their nerves? That would be my guess.