I Probably shouldn’t be posting this but I’m having a little bit of an issue. I’m feeling alone and wondering why my profile doesn’t seem to be attracting anyone. I’m not talking about this profile I’m talking about the dating sites I’m on. All my life I Never thought I was attractive but that was because I had no self-confidence. As I grew older I became more self-confident and saw that I was an attractive woman. But since my boyfriend of 16 years kick me to the curb for my best friend who was eight years younger and very pretty and had a lot of money I have not been very confident. I’ve been through three or four relationships that were very Toxic. I’ve been searching for someone since 2007 and it’s been quite a struggle. I don’t know what it is in my profile that causes people to overlook me or not reach out to me. Physically I think I look pretty good for 60 but nothings happening and I’m getting really depressed. can anyone give me some advice?
Dating sites are awful. It is the remote control sickness...you know, if you don't like the channel then just sit there and flip through the other 400. Also, I often find that men my age are REALLY OLD!! I'm very young looking for my age and I also don't act like a Grammy in the rocking chair. It isn't easy for sure. I am so lucky that I have a group of close friends and I also have no problems doing things on my own. I go to movies, on trips, out to dinner, exploring, on my own. Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. I figure some guy is gonna come along sooner or later and see how great I am. In the meantime I'm taking care of myself. Review your profile and see exactly what you are saying about yourself...or better yet have a friend review it. Or better yet get out and socialize even if you are by yourself
Your lack of confidence may be showing through in the wording of your profile(s) - hard to say without reading them.
As for the search - it's not particularly easy no matter who is doing the searching. Good lookin' or not, and all ages, have similar struggles.
Might want to learn to love your own company first, and not need someone else to avoid depression. You've probably heard it along the way, but find something that sparks you - an activity, something that drives a passion in you. There's nothing more attractive than an independent , thriving, vibrant person !
I wish I could offer some advice. As a 60 year old male I kind of view all men as pigs. I think I am just slightly less piggish than most.
Are you involved in any clubs or local groups? If not, that may be a starting point. I met my lady at a local photography club 13 years ago.
Perhaps if you haven't yet considered it, try developing friend / relationships rather than a love / relationship. That's about the only advice I can offer.
BTW - I was born in Pensacola - family moved away when I was 1 year old and I have only been back once, a few years ago.
I would like to meet man or woman for friendship more than anything really. I have joined a few groups from the Meetup site and we met for dinner. No one I would want to hang out with tho. Still looking for some other groups that may be more fun. Thanks for your advise.
I think it's fine you posted this, I know you aren't the only one who feels this way so you'll be helping others as will (for instance, me).
Without seeing your profile, I can't comment on what you may or may not be doing wrong. I do not necessarily have any advice for you but I did look on your profile and you are correct, you look damn good! Regardless of your age.
Best of luck to you and I'll be interested to read the advice of others.
Thanks Marcie!
I'm 60, been divorced about 9 years. First love yourself. Make yourself a priority, do things you like to do, get busy having the best life you can have. Then if you still don't meet anyone your having a good time anyway. Yeah, I can see advantages to being in a relationship, tons of them. However, I can't make it happen and I'm not going to tread water waiting for it to happen. If I find someone we'll figure out a way to make it work, if not, my life is working as it is.
Great attitude!
First of all, I totally agree with Julie808's mindset. And I think (I know) that once you feel 'solid' as a single person, embrace it, feel comfortable in your own skin, doors will open, you will get the attention you want, your profile will become energetic and focused. AND the ironic bonus is that when you begin to feel content in this way, the feelings of NEEDING a partner will essentially disappear. I wish you well with this part of your journey.
Men and women will dump a good catch if they know they can get someone or with more money. That doesn't say anything negative about you.
Just don't get into the thought that you HAVE to have someone to make you complete. You may find a guy eventually or not. If not just be happy you don't have to put up with anyone's BS.
If you are really concerned about companionship I don't know I would put the most focus on online dating anyway. Look for people in the real world.
I think a lot of my trouble is not being able to meet anyone due to moving to a new town and working from home. I have one friend here. I love her dearly but we are not into the same things. I joined the Freethinkers of Pensacola and the Humanists of west FL, but for some reason they are all older than me. So other than the lack of belief in god, we tend to not have much else in common. I haven't been in a real relationship since 2006. What has gone on since then has been one disaster after another. After the last one I was relieved to be alone finally. So it comes down to companionship.
Maybe you are trying too hard, just relax and when you are least expecting it Mr, Right could present himself. In the meantime get out there and enjoy being yourself!
I think women our age feel an expectation that we should be in a partnership. But it's okay, in fact great, to just go through life solo. Chances are, as soon as you feel totally happy on your own, without being in a relationship, someone will come along and recognize your happiness and how you have it all together and want to join with you!
About the same age as you, I decided to stop searching for a partner and just become whole on my own. I'm happier now, and if I discover someone who enhances my life, great. If not, I'm still happy.
I think a lot of men our age are happy on their own too, and might be open to meeting women, but not really searching. I do like this site, as there is no pressure since the focus isn't on dating.
The regular dating sites seem to be a lot of people feeling the need to be in a relationship and are willing to settle for less than ideal. Just my experience from years ago.
I am in the same mindset! Life is so worthwhile. Hugs to you.
like yourself and crazycurtz I am fine on my own, I like my own company but not all the time. I have lots of female friends and sing in choir and volunteer in a food bank so I never feel lonely, quite often I just want to be on my own to read and listen to music. After my husband died 8 years ago quite a few guys came knocking on the door thinking I would be needing a new man in my life but I soon let them know that I wasn’t attracted to them. Unless I meet someone I can really connect with mentally and physically I will stay happily single,
I agree totally.It's been a waste of money-but I'm done!
I think I understand. I have been a widow for 10 years, and I think the same thoughts. I am fun to be with; I stay active. I take classes and join clubs...yada, yada... They say if you do the things you enjoy, you will naturally meet a partner with the same interests. I have waited 10 years. This seems to me to be what you are saying. I don't know the answer. I did meet someone on a dating site, had a great relationship for 4 months, and then he disappeared (literally). I don't understand online dating, but I am willing to give it a try. I am looking forward to reading the comments to your post. I wish I had some super advice for you. All I can do is commiserate and keep you company. - Devrais
Thank you for commiserating with me! Makes me feel better to know that someone understands what I am saying.
Am just about 60, and many similarities.
Firstly realise you don't HAVE to be in a relationship as much as you may desire one. Secondly, being single is better than being in a bad relationship, so you are ahead of many many people in that regard. Thirdly, a relationship is really only a small part of your life, keep busy with other things, think less about finding someone and who know?
I feel like a fence sitter. I think I want a relationship with someone, but then I think back on the BS I went thru in the past with a few people and say to myself. You're better off single.
I'm sure to stir up enraged feminists, but the best way to interest men is to act as advised in the book "The Rule"s..rules written for women like me, who are lacking certain feminine instincts.
Men are attracted primarily by one thing..looks. The hotter and younger the better. But they are attracted to most women of any age anyway.
In your profile just mention fun outdoor things you like to do with a partner. Don't act desperate, or seem emotionally damaged.
Let men do the pursuing. Never call, message, or text a man first, and even when he messages you, wait a day before responding.
He'll just assume you are busy going out with other men, and running your successful businesses.
Never accept a date for less than three days in advance. Otherwise, you would love to, but you already have other plans. Seem busy, but don't give any details.
End the date first, don't have sex or stop dating other men, until you are exclusive.
Don't declare your love, make him little love gifts, or in general act clingy or needy.
If you are living together, and you quietly ask him to help you do something, and he doesn't, instead of making excuses for him, or screaming at him, just start pulling back..get busy elsewhere, be coming and going with other people and don't seem to have time for him. If he presses you, say something about "things aren't working for me" and mention some other place where you want to move.
If he disrespects you, put his stuff on the lawn and change the locks. Then move on. No calling him, begging, crying, pleading, finding excuses to go to his place, such as claiming you lost something, etc. The more women act like this, the more men tend to disrespect them.
I have strong masculine traits so my romantic interests have always mistreated me, because they could..I'd just forgive them and make excuses for them. No consequences, so no change in behavior.
But any time I've followed The Rules, I couldn't beat men off with a stick. And I'm demisexual (zero sexual attraction for anyone except after a prolonged courtship of well over a year. Then only for that one person).
Some of that makes a lot of sense, but then a lot of it seems a bit like game playing. I just can't operate like that. But thanks for your input!