I have some understanding of your situation. Visited my mother this summer and got caught between my nephew and his mother, my sister about my mothers care. Lots of screaming, crying and hurt feelings. I live two thousand miles away but still was blamed at times. They did not even tell me when my mother slipped in the shower and was in the hospital. No one told me but blamed me for not calling or visiting.

Thank you everyone. I think my older brother and I have a plan of sorts. I’m also going to talk to my younger brother. I’m tired today so I will put all that in the back burner until Monday.

(((((HUGS)))) Screen your calls. Let's go for a ''girls' night".....I'll buy!

Here is a pic if my fur baby... she usually makes me feel better. Like a virtual hug. Hope your open goes well.

Sounds like crazy making. Sounds like kicking the ball to you but not letting you have the ball. The term "sleep on it" is also relative. The brain does reset, restore revive after a good sleep. Cannabis is legal. It can give new insight. Meditate for the call the adrenaline does not permit you to analyze. Canadian law is different from ours down here. But one is required to care for ones children, not ones parents. Tho culture demands we do not abandon our parents, law does not in the USA. Lawyer sounds a plausible option or at least legal advise which I can not give. But talking sensibly about the situation seems unfruitful. They want to be free of the burden but they seem to want it their way. So where is the compromise? Is there one? I wish you luck my sister. You are a good woman. Be calm & carry on. Breathe. This too shall pass.

From what you are saying it seems like your sister-in-law is taking over for your parents needs. Why is she being "allowed" do this? She is not blood and doesn't have any legal jurisdiction do so. Only you and your brother/siblings do. Where is your brother in this matter? Why is he letting his wife running the show. I realize you are under stress with all that's going on in the other parts of your life but you won't have inner peace until this part (parents) is resolved. Talk your brother and his wife and tell them that you can't take this anymore. If they won't listen then I think you need see a lawyer. I was lucky I didn't have this problem with my parents when they were sick since I had no siblings. Good luck (and as they say "keep the faith" ) lol.

Thanks for the comments everyone. I have to work early this morning so I can't get to everybody's comments. Just to clarify further, this is now an urgent matter for a number of reasons. The main reason is that my sister-in-law decided to take over care of my parents and is forcing rushed changes that she thinks my parents need but they don't actually want. She claims knowledge and background in mental health and elder issues and she thinks she knows what's best for my parents, MY parents. She is trying to convey to social services and medical authorities that my brothers (including her husband) and I do not care enough or are neglecting our parents, and it could be a very dangerous situation if we lost control over the care of our parents. The fact is, we the children know our parents best and know what they are comfortable and not comfortable with, and we know what can or cannot be done due to finances. I'm trying to make sure that the things that are done for their care is what they want, and whether we think it's the best for them or not comes second. My sister-in-law seems to indicate that she will report us to the authorities for neglect if we don't agree with the changes that she wants to force on my parents now. We agree there needs to be changes but we need to go slower and give my parents time. So, this is the biggest issue right now: my sis in law's urgency and threats against me and my older brother, with my younger brother basically just going along with his wife.

I'm the local guy in my family. When siblings appear and demand to know why they feel out of the loop I just shake my head. This doesn't sound like your case though.
If someone decides to swoop in all at once, they should accept that they are a swooper. It's not my fault they live 3000 miles away and I won't be held accountable for it.

How about changing your number for a bit.

I have nothing funny to offer. However, you need to stop and take a breath. You will not be good to anyone if you make yourself sick over this. Just be supportive as distance and work makes it almost impossible for you to do anything. Just ask them to keep you informed.

Tell them all you are on your deathbed and want them come visit you. See the reactions then.

I know it is not easy but you need to make yourself your priority. There is no reason for you to take responsibility for yourself and them too. They sound as if they are only trying to pull you in if you choose their side. They are showing NO CONCERN for your needs and are placing their wants above all else so save yourself hun and then help the ones that are truly trying to do more than use you. They are not worth killing yourself over. They sound like vultures to me...don't feed them...please!

This destroyed our family. I feel for you.

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It's easy. Forget about them. They didn't consult you, so it's NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Go to a movie, take a walk, forget about it.

I just cut two siblings off today for bragging on being Trump supporters. They tried the "forgive and forget" condemnation cliche but I no longer believe that bunch of lies.

Afterward, I felt giddy with relief..GLAD to no longer have to pretend to like them, or to have to see them at family reunions. I just won't go.

I wish I could offer you something silly or funny but I cannot. What I can offer you is sympathy for the very stressful situation in which you find yourself. You are carrying quite a load already, and to add your aging parents into has to be taking its toll on you. Perhaps it will help you to realize that your siblings are feeling underhelped and looking for support, so you can offer them moral support and explain to them your own difficulty right now. The important thing may be to offer emotional support and explain that that’s because that’s all you can do right now and you’re very sorry, but that’s how it is. I hope this maybe of help to you.