It must be difficult being poly because so few people understand it ,and most just jumped to a conclusion. if you're being open and honest up front about exactly what you're looking for that's all you can do. like everyone else, you're going to have setbacks and disappointments.

I am very upfront in any type of getting to know you situation. I make it clear at the get-go sex is off the table until we get to know each other. That really puts the kibosh on a lot of nonsense but not until I go through at least two weeks of being told that's not fair, I'm being manipulative, I'm being unrealistic, nobody wants to get to know me for myself. And it really goes downhill from there. Normally they end up blocked. Fortunately I have an experience that here. That's not to say it won't happen but it hasn't happened yet.

If you are upfront and honest it is anything but manipulative in intent.
Now there are some that will see openness and honesty as a complete acceptance because it isn't really very common. However you can't control what people's perception of you is beyond what you are doing and telling them. Interpretation matters but unfortunately you can't really control or sway that.

Wow , this was an education .

Not sure if this is too obvious as just a year ago I didn't get the concept, erroneously believing it was mainly about casual sex, sort of just a new word for swinging. My understanding now is that it is generally less casual and deeper than that, sort of like having multiple wives or husbands, but without the marriage part. But I could see how some might be too thick-headed to be able to grasp the subtlety of the concept, and how others just have not yet wrapped their heads around the idea.

Does polyamorous mean your spouse knows about your other mates? I insist my girlfriend have other men, I meet them, we go to dinner they are friends/guests in my house. I have lady friends that drop by too and she meets them and watches us.

Strongly agree with you. On all of this. Based on the information given, this is a big glass of haterade in which they can go drown their opinions. I've always felt the strongest relationships were forged out of the exact same things as well-maintained friendships, and isn't the person you're in love with supposed to be one of your best friends and closest confidants? The idea of separating relationships from the companionship model is like spreading peanut butter on your hands and calling it a sandwich.

I've made many friends (and a fair share of enemies) from people I dated once or twice, things didn't click, and we still hung out and talked occasionally.

If someone is saying that before they even met you, they're the one being manipulative. You're under no obligation to sleep with someone (or even continue to talk to them) if there's no "there" there.

you're being gaslighted (or is it gaslite)

Your approach leads to a sane personality.

I can’t fathom a polyamorous relationship! Beyond that, it seems you’re making no promises and being open!

You are fine and not manipulative. I think the other person has the difficulty. If what they want and need is to move fast, that's fine, but it's also fine that their particular style is not for you. For them to pressure you is a dick move.

Are you a good climber? It sounds like the person that said it was manipulative is building a fence for you to climb. Are you both belief compatible?

Can't offer much of advice I was a Cheater on my marriage but I never had a mistress, always knew the consequences, so I accepted what happened. I am one of those better at goodbye than hello... the perfect ex. Don't let anyone get you down. We are not born equals... each of us is different. If you are True with your husband and you both understand "There is only one life to live as the one we got right now... You have to live it to the fullest of your capabilities as you feel fit". Sure that the individual that called you manipulative is a manipulative person... Just be True to Yourself and enjoy your life. If your heart can take it... and you are at peace with yourself... IT IS YOUR LIFE AND YOURS ONLY. Nobody will ever own you and you will never own anyone. Peace!

How is being open and honest about your marriage and your desires for further friendship, and possible dating beyond that, "manipulative" in any way? It sounds like someone wanted more from you than you were ready for, got jealous, and decided that it was your fault for not reciprocating.

Too many men think that "open to meeting" is the same thing as "guaranteed to have sex". Well, guys, it's not.... any more than my being open to meeting women means that I'm going to hop into bed with anyone who messages me and comes out to dinner. (Although, let's be realistic, AdorkableMe has a lot better odds of someone wanting that than I do.)

You keep doing what you're doing. A lot of people still don't understand and aren't equipped to handle poly relationships. Honestly, I would probably be one of them, although in an ideal world I would give it a try if the right people came along.

Good luck