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I was celebrating my daughter's 25th birthday on Thursday by having dinner with her and her mother (my ex-wife). The ex was hinting around to my daughter about wanting grandchildren in the future, but I was encouraging her not to bring children into this fucked up world (she doesn't want kids anyway). She told her mother she needs to get her birth control implants updated. She said something to the effect of "I don't want to have any mistakes, like I was with you two." I deadpanned "you weren't a mistake, you were an accident. There's a difference." The ex got a little pissed, but my daughter busted out laughing and high-fived me across the table. That's the kind of relationship we have, and it's great.

Jlangston70 7 July 28
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5 comments

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Mine don't want any children and I am fine with it. There are way too many people in this world already.

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My two don’t want kids, either, and I’m relieved. My daughter is 36; my son, 37( in a month they have birthdays).
Having babies as a young(barely 21) woman was MY dream. They have their own dreams to live.
Mine were both ‘accidents’ that I wanted to keep; never mistakes. ?

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You must be a pretty good dad.

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At the risk of sounding like Dear Abby, you may want to re-think using the term "the ex" or "my ex wife," which carries a considerable amount of baggage. This entire interaction makes it appear like you haven't moved on, and are gleeful when you can enlist your daughter's help to one-up her mom. Since she's an adult, maybe you and your daughter can celebrate birthdays on your own, and she can do the same with her mother? Give it some thought?

Hi. Just my 2 cents. I really didn't take anything the OP said about his ex as not being over her or one upping her. He referenced her as his ex wife, to give context, note, she isnt a baby mamma. They were married, have a kid...were committed. As for the 1 upping, it sounds like he & his daughter have a great relationship, that she shares with him things she doesnt feel comfortable sharing with her mom. It also sounds like they have a similar sense of humor. Then again I have similar relationships with both of my adult sons. We tend toward unorthodoxy as I treat them like adult men & not my kids. It tends to throw people.

@SallyInStitches Fair enough. As the product of a 'broken home' (even that term has baggage), I was raised by a mother who never once spoke negatively in front of us kids about our father, despite what I learned, much later in life, how unfit he was for 'domestic' life. As an adult, I was able to establish a 'relationship' with my father, but I never despised him, thanks to my mom's attitude. I also have a number of peers who've gone through a divorce, and am always uncomfortable around those who, years after they've parted company, still can't seem to 'let it go.' It's the children who are always caught in the middle, sometimes as chess pieces.

@pnfullifidian thst is true. I made a point to never speak badly about their biological contributor or allow anyone else to do so in my hearing. It wasn't fair to them or the ex. Their bio fell off the face of the planet when they were 9 & 10. They have a great relationship with their step dad who, for me, is persona non grata. I will neither deny nor interfere with that relationship but the deal is, they do not discuss me with their dad. I love my kids but that ex can die in a canoe fire surrounded by piranha & cancer.

@Jlangston70 I'll accept that hit. Peace.

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Like to think I have a similar kind of relationship with my daughter. Keeping it real!

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