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To the ladies...

How do you feel when you ask out a guy you like and you get a rejection?

To everyone... What's the best way to reject a girl that makes the first move without hurting her feelings?

I like girls that have the audacity to ask a guy out. When I come across these kind of girls, out of respect I usually just play along even if I'm not interested so as not to hurt her feelings. I will just subtly lead the whole thing to a friend zone without explicitly saying so especially if the girl was being implicit with me as well. Is this bad? I really care much about how people feel.

obis 6 July 29
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0

the audacity ??

weeman Level 7 July 31, 2018
1

Awful. I've never gotten a yes. I'm at a point now where I don't want to ask anymore. It would have to be someone pretty special and I would have to be at a place where I could handle the disappointment... That being said, I would rather someone was honest with me than to string me along because they don't want to hurt my feelings. That's happened to me, too, and it hurts a lot worse.

@TellDaTrufe I'll give you a pass because you don't know my background. I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma last year, went through 12 rounds of chemo, got knocked out by that and lost all my hair, which has finally grown back. I've looked at your profile, and I don't think it's your place to make harsh judgments about anyone. I've reported both your remarks including to my other post to the Admin.

@TellDaTrufe Well, I must have gotten to you because you deleted your post after making those awful remarks about my profile photo. You've got a lot to learn about how to speak to people on this site. I didn't get to level 7.7 for nothing, Mr. Level 2. You don't like a group on here? Move on. If you're going to say crappy things to everyone on here, you're not going to get too far on this site.

@TellDaTrufe There's honesty, and then there's crossing a line. There's no reason for meanness.

@TellDaTrufe [agnostic.com] Try reading this core principals.
Then try to adhere to them.

Being nasty to members is not tolerated here. We aren't FB.

@bleurowz I feel so bad that you've had to go through the chemo so very many times . Once should have been more than enough . My congratulations on being a survivor though . You are a strong woman !

@Cast1es Thanks. It's actually one treatment, but 12 infusions. Just an FYI, this thread was in response to a member who wrote a harsh critique to my photo, his responses have been deleted and I believe he's no longer on the site. Thanks again for your kind comments, I appreciate it.

2

I've only ever suggested a coffee break which, perhaps incorrectly, I don't regard as a date. I didn't really care when they said no unless they lied in some confusing way such as telling me they only date blondes or women closer to their height. Explaining that I wasn't asking for a date, just a coffee chat about research or work didn't change the response, but by then I wasn't interested. You can't chat with a thick-headed numbskull.

A military guy at work , asked me to go to the soda machine with him . As we were returning to the office , he said , " Well , what did you think of our first date . " I didn't even know it was a ," date . " Maybe if we'd been preteens . I said , "You do understand , I have two small children . "

@Cast1es He was joking, wasn't he?!

@pixiedust No , I don't think so . We really had not had any connection , prior to this . I hadn't been aware he'd had any interest in me . I had recently separated from my husband . In hindsight , we worked with a LOT of military , and I eventually learned a lot of them seemed to feel local women were there merely to provide sexual relief for the duration of their assignment to that site . But I don't even think he had that in mind . Just maybe a very restricted budget , and an immature concept ?

@Cast1es Shaking my head and rolling my eyes on your behalf 🙂

This just confirms my theory, and bolstered by a study i read recently, that few men are going to spend any time with you at all as "just friends". There is, 99% of the time, some level of attraction on their part.
I was older when coming to that POV (I figured it out after becoming pregnant-altho I did still retain a couple of male "friends" lol)
Until that time I'd naively thought my guy 'friends' truly just liked me for me & my shining personality. LMAO
Duhr

/dons flame retardant undies

@Qualia Many of us have been there, done that

@pixiedust Yeah that was enlightening, just wish I'd learned it much much younger than 34 y.o.

1

Some highly feminine men like to be pursued and asked out, but most cis hetero men are hard-wired to be the predator.
Sure, they'll feel flattered when women chase them, and most will take free sex, but their interest will likely soon move on to more elusive prey, who make them work to win her over.

I'm even that way, and I'm only a partial transmale. If some woman who I'm attracted to starts pursing me aggressively, I usually beat a hasty retreat, and lose interest..permanently.

By the way, if screaming feminists rush in to troll me, I'll just block them.

2

The guys that have rejected me have done so by just ignoring me. It was hurtful to my pride, but they were out of my league. By that I mean they were super educated and successful and I am not as educated or accomplished as them. Though I am a chicken and can only approach guys I am interested in online. heh

7

I asked Terry to marry me. He has a hard time making decisions. He said yes.

Smart man!

@Qualia

Thanks, darlin'!

5

Well.... one way would be to tell a white lie. "I'm seeing someone , thank you tho".

Qualia Level 8 July 29, 2018

That can haunt you . You tell someone you're not interested in that you're ," taken ," and they may pass that info on to the one you were hoping to date .

@Cast1es True, but depends if they travel in the same circles also and if the person in question presses for a name.

5

For a 1st "date", I tend to go very casual, asking them out for coffee or lunch, something easy. If they accept, we can work toward something more formal. If they say no, well, nothing ventured, nothing gain. Fortune favors the bold.

5

My best guess would be , when anyone works up the courage to ask someone out , and is rejected , even if it's kindly done , it will hurt . On the other hand accepting a date , just so you won't hurt their feelings , can be ever more hurtful , in the long run . And I'd rather just be friends , does not mean call me and we'll spend tonight hanging out at my house , where you can pressure me into something I didn't want in the first place.

2

Pshh, when does that ever happen?

It does happen 🙂

It happens....

@Donotbelieve I thought the key was not wanting anything

It doesn't , if I can help it .

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