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I’m new here, and one thing that I have noticed with grieving families is that they ask me if the deceased is in heaven etc.
I do not say I don’t believe in it, I say to them that whatever helps them with their grief is there for them to take solace in.
What are everyone’s views on this?

Sandman01 2 Aug 7

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9 comments

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Unless you're clergy, I don't know why people, other than your children, would ask you that.

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"I don't have the words I'm feeling for your loss."

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I just smile and say sorry for your loss!

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For sure, if people find solace in some sort of belief then who am I to piss on their parade. I wouldn't be so keen on the idea of people roping me into some religious mumbo jumbo after I've shuffled off this mortal coil but there's not a whole bunch I can do about it.

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(Mason Jennings - Adrian) I think our loved ones live on in our memories and their impact on our lives. I wouldn't have a view on heaven or be able to reassure them on that count, but the song link says how I feel pretty well. I understand that you don't want to upset anyone and at the end of the day it's your call, obviously, but I couldn't pretend.
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I often say something like "If there's a heaven, I feel sure your loved one is there." I think this often works because these bereaved believers don't question whether there is a heaven; rather, they just want assurance that that is where their loved one went.

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That is the kind thing to do in a difficult time. I don't give people my views unless asked anyway. That is what I expect from them. I can't very well complain about them proselytizing me if I do the same to them.

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I think that is a good way to skirt the issue.

The time to bring up belief or non-belief is not when people are grieving.

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Welcome to the asylum. Enjoy your stay.

If I'm asked directly about whether I believe in heaven, I'll answer truthfully that I do not. I can't lie about that.
If it's expressed that someone else believes in it, I will not dispute them.
That's the best I can do for anyone, grieving or otherwise.
I'm not going to lie to you, even to make you feel better.
I just can't do it.

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