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When my husband I first met. we were both atheist. now he has reconnected with people from his past and has decided that he believes in a higher power. he doesn't force his religion on me but he has made it known he would like me to participate. I don't know why but it makes me think less of him and makes me jealous of his religion. as if he cares more for it than me..

By Nofftastic4
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22 comments

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16

You can’t participate because it violates your beliefs and he needs to honor them.

Sydland Level 7 Aug 9, 2018

^^^ This!

8

Have you had this conversation with him?

Ptheven Level 3 Aug 9, 2018
7

I believe a positive relationship should be based on mutual respect and honesty. As an atheist, I can not respect a person who bases their belief system on the dishonest premise that faith (belief without evidence) is a methodology to determine (Truth) things that are testable and demonstrated to be correct with evidence.

I would feel much less respect for a partner (don't have one) if she transitioned from a world view based on reality to a world based on superstition.

I hope you find the best method to reconcile your situation.

NoMagicCookie Level 8 Aug 9, 2018

literally that is how I feel. I try not to push my opinion to hard but how can you move from a life of science and fact to that. not that he has but I feel like he has lost his mind. to think that someone lives their life hoping an imaginary person will save them from something

6

By your participation, you are giving him brownie points with g-d whether or not you are going through the motions,.for your husband's sake. He is taking away from you in order to progress on a religious path that you don't care to share. He is more self-involved in his "salvation" than he is with you or your relationship.He does care more for his religion than he does you. Your intuition is spot-on. You must make a difficult decision here. "Alienation of Affection" can take on more forms than just physical adultery.Taking away time, affirmation and, sometimes, money is a form of alienation of affection, To save yourself, you must get a good lawyer, and then have a difficult discussion with your husband, In his new beliefs, he may not believe in divorce. Be prepared for that. You must save yourself, no matter what!

Brightfox Level 3 Aug 9, 2018

@CoastRiderBill I would agree that is over the top for now.

5

Some atheists are pretty hard core. They believe in what they believe absolutely. There is no room for doubt. No doubt that there's no god but also no room for those that do believe. That is not a very honest response to the situation. Most people believe in some sort of god. It is like they think in binary or black and white. Theism is like a sickness, a mental illness. It might be difficult but sticking with your beliefs and helping him with his fluctuations are a part of marriage. Even with religion. If he's the man you fell in love with, it'll work out in the end.

CK-One Level 6 Aug 9, 2018

Aka if he becomes atheist again🤔 lmao wtf.... I’m looking for a specific type of female and if she isn’t atheist it just won’t work, I understand and just think you really want to move on because he mentally is going through something that is not congruent to your logic.

5

You are observing the loss of his powers of thinking.

irascible Level 8 Aug 9, 2018
5

Wow, that's a tough one. I would think you aren't jealous of the religion, necessarily. You're probably saddened by the thought of losing a part of him you felt a special connection with. That really sucks. But you can't cave on your beliefs. I mean the only higher power there might be is something that created the universe. But if it was a higher power, where did that come from? And why has he completely ignored the universe ever since? Maybe it's just a phase. Help you by helping him deal with this uncertain time in his life... maybe. Best of luck to you.

KevinMR Level 5 Aug 9, 2018

Why must there be a higher power, god or busybody that created the universe? The matter was here maybe created by energy. I don't know. There are a lot of things I don't know and I can accept that. Someday these things will be figured out. The same situation as generations past and now some of those mysteries have been solved. I'd like to know the answers but not enough to settle for superstition.

4

well thats a fairly big change and not for the better by the sound of it from my past experiences as a counselor you sound like most people who have started to question the partner they are with due to them changing something fundamental within the relationship that leave them either feeling leftout or suddenly in a state of conflict that appears to have no happy ending that either person can see. personally i would suggest some sort of couples counselling which would offer a safe place to talk through the issue with someone who can help negotiate a difficult topic whilst helping you both try and find a common and useul way of dealing with what is/could become a real battle ground dependent on how he sees his faith developing and the effect this is going to have on everyone in the family unit good luck

weeman Level 7 Aug 9, 2018
4

dump him...

SamMcGlone Level 6 Aug 9, 2018
4

You stick to your guns,don't get involved in Religious shit.👍

Coldo Level 8 Aug 9, 2018
4

My husband is very religious and I let him have that. I don’t care that there are crosses and pictures of Mary and Jesus in my house. He also knows that I don’t participate and he has never pushed it.

jpouch1 Level 4 Aug 9, 2018
4

I once told to my wife when was still married:

“I can drop you off at church ⛪, but I cannot celebrate Easter there and will not join service. If you want a man by your side, choose any you know — I’m not jealous ...

All it takes is confidence to take desired position of mind

3

If he's not hurting you, then this is one of those "better or worse" moments in a marriage. .Participate, or get saved? To what degree? Religion can be very intoxicating like a drug. How much before it starts to hurt?

Tecolote Level 7 Aug 9, 2018
3

I've always said that it's a powerful and enticing fantasy... It would be more than comforting to think that some entity has a plan for you, or that you're being protected, or that there's a consciousness which allows one to maintain themselves even after death... Not to mention the idea that you might spend eternity with all you've ever loved... There are times I wish it was true... But I look around and I see nothing to suggest it does aside from some people REALLY wanting it to be true...
I don't think it's a right or wrong/ black or white/ up or down issue... I think it's something you need to discuss and understand... Maybe at some point you'll find out that you can't make it work, but I would suggest trying to understand the reasoning and see if you still have common ground before suggesting just to end it immediately because he lost his way.

Veldoran Level 5 Aug 9, 2018
3

If I were in a similar position I don't think that I would think less of my wife - I think that I'd try to understand why she made the shift towards faith. As we age, we lose more and more people. Back in 2016 and 2017 when I lost my grand aunt, my brother, my father and my best man - all within a 6-month time frame - it shook me up. In addition to that I was diagnosed with 40% heart blockage and came one day away from dying because I didn't know that the pain I felt was diverticulitis and refused to go to the hospital. Today I wear a colostomy bag - much better than dying. Unlike what other arrogant atheists have suggested - your husband has not lost his ability to reason or think. He is demonstrating fear - I would try to understand what he's afraid of. I wouldn't participate in his church activities, but I'd try to understand what has caused his fear. Is his hair line receding, is there ED, does he now require glasses, has he recently lost his job, has he gained weight where he can't see his toes much less anything else, have the kids moved creating an eerie silence, has he recently lost someone that he was close to, does he make less than you, did he recently have a health issue, did a sibling recently have a health issue and so on. I won't pretend to understand how women think - it wouldn't be fair - but I can say (as a male) that if any of the examples I listed are true that to some men - it can screw with our minds. It did mine and it took a while to work through. I did, but that doesn't mean that all can or will.

SLBushway Level 6 Aug 9, 2018
2

He's not getting a certain form of satisfaction out of being an atheist. As if it is supposed to be something that a person would get some sort of reward for. So now he's looking in another place for it. Either that, or he's growing tired of not being accepted by the majority of people in society, so he's looking to be wishy washy about it now in order to receive some sort of validation from his so called "friends". Or it could be something completely different. Who knows?

justadude462 Level 4 Aug 9, 2018
1

You disagree on something, you must decide together (& as individuals) that your relationship is more important than this disagreement. After that you work on how you can allow each of you to incorporate your individual needs into your life together without imposing on each other's happiness.

As far as your view of him, that's another story altogether as your view of him and his view of you will affect your desire to continue your life together. People change and sometimes it's too much for their partner to handle.

Regarding your jealousy, you're not jealous of religion but either the community he's found or the time he spends or the feelings he has towards it. You need to figure out what you're truly jealous of and discuss that with him and find a way to work past that.

Good Luck!

mattersauce Level 7 Aug 10, 2018
0

Respecting your right to not believe is important to you. Keep your beliefs or non-beliefs. He has to see you as an equal not a subordinate.

sassygirl3869 Level 9 Aug 10, 2018
0

See that's the problem with modern relationships now that we've improved our life span so well that our lives are so long that trying not to drift apart is actually kind of hard

Drsmash253 Level 7 Aug 10, 2018
0

Well... Just think of it this way...

While he is being brainwashed on Sundays... You will. Be drinking beer and watching football

0

There can be a huge difference between believing in or wanting to believe in the vague concept of a ' higher power ' and believing in the biblical god .
One of those , perhaps an inability to understand that Noah didnt really exist is likely more concerning than believing that some higher power might be out there somewhere !

Scottzillyun Level 6 Aug 9, 2018
0

Ouch! Maybe it will be a temporary thing for him? Though if he is returning to a religious environment, maybe the Atheism was a temporary state. I hope all stays well.

itsmedammit Level 7 Aug 9, 2018
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