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12 6

Got my divorce papers today. After reading what my ex had to say about me I'm glad I didn't agree to pay half of the costs! What really hurt me was what he said I did in front of our children, it's verging on saying I assaulted him in front of them and it's a horrible disgusting lie. He didn't need to mention the kids, I can take him being horrible about me but that was too much! Heart-broken 😢

Josephine 7 Aug 10
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Level 8

Not sure about British divorce law, but in Pennsylvania, when I got my first divorce (1977) it was a “fault” state. In order to file for divorce you had to provide a valid reason (cheating, abuse, etc). Since I was filing, I had to provide the reason I wanted the divorce. In truth, we had just grown apart and the love had dried up and disappeared, but that would not qualify. So my attorney and I came up with a bunch of bullshit stories about her swearing at me, throwing things at me, name calling etc. I dreaded her reading it and tried to explain, but she was rightfully hurt and pissed. Thank goodness a few years later Pennsylvania changed the law for divorce to “no fault” and finger pointing was no longer required. Maybe the UK has fault divorce too.

In UK many divorces are granted due to 'unreasonable behaviour', it's a convenience as most other grounds, for example adultery, are difficult to prove, whereas unreasonable is defined as unreasonable in the opinion of the one filing for divorce. As I understand it, it's an unfortunate consequence of the legal people wanting to cover every angle and make a watertight case, no matter who gets hurt, that the plaintiff is encouraged to make pointless accusations that can't be proved or disproved. The same happens with the defence. The whole system is just making a difficult situation unbearable for everybody. That's not to defend Josephine's ex though. His accusations will remain documented 'facts' long after the storm has calmed and the ship has sailed.
0

Level 8

Well, now you know you dodged a bullet. Be glad that jerk is out of your life and move on.

By the way, NEVER agree to share costs with men. If they asked you on a date, you are the one taking the risk, wasting your time, etc. They can pay for the privilege of your company, or you don't date them.

Don't tell them that in words, but if they try to make you pay, just stand up and leave. Never contact them again.

1

Level 8

You know it’s not true—that’s all that matters. I’d say good riddance and move on.

2

Level 7

well its over in the main try and be happy and don't let him waste anymore of your one trip on this planet good luck

1

Level 8

I know, easier said than done but...... Move on, turn the page. Best of luck going forward

2

Level 5

Just be happy, it’s the best revenge!

1

Level 7

Hang about, are those legal documents? Isn't lying on legal documents perjury?

0

Level 8

Here we go again.

3

Level 4

I've worked a few family law cases and have friends who are family law paralegals, and people getting divorced can say and do some really ugly things. People will lie like crazy to punish the other person and to get custody. I'm sure right now it's hard to find solace in kind words from others but it will get better. Focus on your kids and let them know you love them.

I really don't understand how they can get away with lying in a legal proceeding. ?

@memorylikeasieve He said / she said. What is really the problem here is that hearsay should not be admissible. If you can't substantiate it, you can't read it into the record.

However ... this is pretty standard. I am aware of instances where substantial cuts in alimony and even child support were awarded based entirely on one side's hearsay claims. Of one side knowing the judge personally, and getting special consideration, etc.
1

Level 6

I am sure this is painful. Take good care of yourself and the children now. Try to have some fun. You will rebound.

2

Level 10

Typical tactics......divorce lawyers put them up to it! Believe me they are the scum of the earth.

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Level 9

So sorry. Divorce hurts, but you are free.

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