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11 21

I want to share something with you that I posted on Facebook 3 years ago. It showed up in my Facebook memories this morning and I still feel the message that I sent with this is just as important today as it was 3 years ago.

I know that I have a reputation as being the class clown around here. But, once in a great while I get serious. This was one of those times.

Maybe one of you needs to hear this. Maybe one of you needs to say it to your child but, you can't find the words. Maybe this will help you:

"A short time ago, my youngest son came out to me and told me that he is bisexual.

Here's what I hate about that:

I hate that he felt we even needed to have that conversation.

I hate that we had to have this discussion over the phone because we are more than 800 miles apart.

I hate that having this conversation was more difficult for him than it was for me.

I hate that I couldn't just give him a hug.

I hate that he didn't already know me well enough as his father that he had to fear what my reaction would be.

I hate that he couldn't look me in the eye and know without a doubt that it was true when I told him that it doesn't change how I feel about him.

Here's what I love about that:

I love that he is comfortable enough in his own skin to tell people who he is.

I love that he is comfortable enough at 19 to have that conversation with me. It makes me feel that perhaps I did do some things right along the way.

I love that he doesn't really give a shit what anyone else thinks.

I love that he loves himself.

I love that all of his friends and family so far feel the same way I do.

I love that, with all of the struggles he's had so far in life, this didn't have to be another one.

I love him.

Some of my family may not know any of this yet. And some of them may be a bit bothered by the fact that I posted this here before having the discussion about it with them.

But, here's the thing about that...

If it made any difference to me regarding him, I would have talked with all of you first. But, it doesn't. It's no more important than if I had bought a new set of tires for my car. I wouldn't make a special effort to tell you about that either.

If I made a special effort to talk to my family members about this well, that would pretty much prove that I felt it was important... but it's not.

The only reason that I even bother to post it here is so that he will know how much I love him. So he will know that I support who he is as an individual and that everything I said to him is true.

The things that we, as a collective people throughout the world, put importance on really baffle me. Race, gender, religion, sexual preference... it's really all very ridiculous.

Here is what I think we should be focused on. We're all here for a relatively short span of time. Get over the differences and embrace the fact that we are all essentially the same.

We all somehow manage to love our own children unconditionally but, we can't seem to do the same for everyone else. We're all connected in a similar fashion. We need to take care of each other.

Lastly...

To you my son:

Science has discovered that everything in the universe really is nothing more than strings vibrating at the atomic level. Vibration is sound... tones... music. So, the whole of life is really just music. It's a huge symphony being played out across the cosmos. And each of us gets to improvise the part we play in that opus however we choose. So, play the melody you wish the world to hear from you.

...and play it fucking loud.

I love you.

Always."

By Duke8
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11 comments

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0

What superbly gorgeous sentiment! You sir, are world class parent and decent human being.

0

Such a beautiful message. It took my breath away.

0

That is so beautiful!! I've always told my kids I'd love them no matter who or what they loved. They are who they are, and they're mine. I was the same way about IF they got pregnant as a teen or while unmarried. I'd be there to help. Luckily we never had that experience. What they do or who they love won't change my love for them.

2

I found out, officially anyway, that my daughter is bisexual when she came out on Facebook.

We've always been close and open with each other, sometimes I have been uncomfortable with the topics, but that was due to my preconceptions, so I know she hadn't avoided discussion for my comfort. She's always been happy to push people beyond their comfort zones.

I didn't mention it until a couple of months later when we were discussing my nephew/ her cousin who's not openly gay, but came out to the two of us. During that conversation, I asked, "Why didn't you feel comfortable enough to tell me?"

She said that she wouldn't have been uncomfortable with it, but she didn't think it would've mattered because I 've been there no matter what.

I went from being hurt thinking she didn't trust me to feeling an incredible amount of pride and love. It means the world to me that she knew the revelation wouldn't change anything.

JimG Level 8 Aug 28, 2018
2

Love

2

Thank you, Duke, for sharing this. Thank you for being the terrific father that you are.

3

Thank you for sharing this, Duke.
A former band friend of my daughter just recently came out to her parents as transgender. They have from one day to the next completely shut him out of their lives, actually the day before his 18th birthday, and right before starting classes at University of South Florida. Fortunately the band parents stand behind him. His girlfriend's family stands behind him. I could never even imagine not standing behind my own child in any situation like this!

You are a good father! Keep it up!

6

I was was never more proud of my Dad then the day I brought home a gay friend whose parents had just disowned him. My Dad took him for a tour of his woodworking room. (The cellar). Showed off a few projects. On the drive home my friend told us that he "Treated me just like a man.". (1987).

Fast forward to the day my niece told us she was trans..

My Dad is gone - but I was able to tell her he would have been a decent person. Because I knew he would have been. He would have found a way to be.

That's all you can ask for.

Thank you for reminding me there are good people in the world. Not everyone fears going home.

RavenCT Level 9 Aug 28, 2018
8

You are a good man Duke.

Sticks48 Level 9 Aug 28, 2018
4

Very beautiful and well said. My son came out to me about being bisexual 15 years ago. He is now married his partner this last April it was a beautiful ceremony. They have been together for 11 years I do not understand how somebody can disown their own children over this. I've been to many gay parties with my son and his partner and many of their families disowned them and it is very sad. Some of the stories they told me or just horrible the way their family treated them.

Sheannutt Level 9 Aug 28, 2018
5

That was beautiful. Thanks for sharing with us! If more fathers were as evolved as you, the world would be a much better place to live for everyone.

Kafirah Level 8 Aug 28, 2018

I agree with you you are absolutely right ?

Ditto. Thanks for making me tear up! Beautiful post.

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