I want to share something with you that I posted on Facebook 3 years ago. It showed up in my Facebook memories this morning and I still feel the message that I sent with this is just as important today as it was 3 years ago.
I know that I have a reputation as being the class clown around here. But, once in a great while I get serious. This was one of those times.
Maybe one of you needs to hear this. Maybe one of you needs to say it to your child but, you can't find the words. Maybe this will help you:
"A short time ago, my youngest son came out to me and told me that he is bisexual.
Here's what I hate about that:
I hate that he felt we even needed to have that conversation.
I hate that we had to have this discussion over the phone because we are more than 800 miles apart.
I hate that having this conversation was more difficult for him than it was for me.
I hate that I couldn't just give him a hug.
I hate that he didn't already know me well enough as his father that he had to fear what my reaction would be.
I hate that he couldn't look me in the eye and know without a doubt that it was true when I told him that it doesn't change how I feel about him.
Here's what I love about that:
I love that he is comfortable enough in his own skin to tell people who he is.
I love that he is comfortable enough at 19 to have that conversation with me. It makes me feel that perhaps I did do some things right along the way.
I love that he doesn't really give a shit what anyone else thinks.
I love that he loves himself.
I love that all of his friends and family so far feel the same way I do.
I love that, with all of the struggles he's had so far in life, this didn't have to be another one.
I love him.
Some of my family may not know any of this yet. And some of them may be a bit bothered by the fact that I posted this here before having the discussion about it with them.
But, here's the thing about that...
If it made any difference to me regarding him, I would have talked with all of you first. But, it doesn't. It's no more important than if I had bought a new set of tires for my car. I wouldn't make a special effort to tell you about that either.
If I made a special effort to talk to my family members about this well, that would pretty much prove that I felt it was important... but it's not.
The only reason that I even bother to post it here is so that he will know how much I love him. So he will know that I support who he is as an individual and that everything I said to him is true.
The things that we, as a collective people throughout the world, put importance on really baffle me. Race, gender, religion, sexual preference... it's really all very ridiculous.
Here is what I think we should be focused on. We're all here for a relatively short span of time. Get over the differences and embrace the fact that we are all essentially the same.
We all somehow manage to love our own children unconditionally but, we can't seem to do the same for everyone else. We're all connected in a similar fashion. We need to take care of each other.
To you my son:
Science has discovered that everything in the universe really is nothing more than strings vibrating at the atomic level. Vibration is sound... tones... music. So, the whole of life is really just music. It's a huge symphony being played out across the cosmos. And each of us gets to improvise the part we play in that opus however we choose. So, play the melody you wish the world to hear from you.
...and play it fucking loud.
I love you.