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A lot of divorces seem to end in acrimony. Why?

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SleepingOnABoat 7 Aug 29
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9 comments

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My divorce was very amicable and we can chat for a few minutes if we run into each other just fine.

Of the marriages I've seen that end in acrimony, it seems as though one or both partners are too immature to see how their behavior is effecting their children (assuming they have any). They're just selfish and only care about their own feelings.

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We are actually happier now being apart and still married. We don't really have a reason to have a divorce

1

My partner changed completely. I don't recognize her as the woman I married. Some change is inevitable but for someone to change so much you no longer see the person you fell in love with is just not right.

We still see each other and go on dates because I DO remember the good I once saw. Every so often she shows it to me and the feelings come flooding back but tempered now with a bit of reality and lessons learned.

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I changed and then I left immediately. Not going to let the relationship rot.

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Because they tried to save the relationship instead of leaving immediately.

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Mine wasn't so much acrimonious, as it was simmering contempt on my part and escape on hers. It was a DIY process in which she was permitted to take our kids half-way around the world, dismissed her half of the financial obligations, continued to damage my credit history and it was about a year and a half before I saw my kids again. Nothing was thrown. There was no shouting. In the years that followed, I struggled to maintain a relationship with my kids, but the information they had to go on was, understandably biased in her favor and it was incredibly difficult. The kids have left the nest now, but my loathing for her remains. But hey, no acrimony!

1

In my case, I was married to a dangerous gaslighter who sabotaged my business, my job, accused me to a judge to get me arrested, secretly traded on the forex until he bankrupted us. I was lucky to come out alive, actually.

I immediately moved to Thailand afterward and suffered ptsd for years.

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I agree that divorce lawyers are NOT your friend. That's why I did my own divorce. What happens more than not is that we change. We are going in different directions. When we are bitter with the former spouse and talk badly about them we are really telling others how bad they were so we will look good. It's a form of insecurity and we need to be reassured that our friends still like us. Especially if they liked both of you at one time. In my case I found a certain amount of Missouri rednecks who told me I "have to hate" my ex wife. Try as they may they just could not get their racist shit through to me. I can't buy hatred in relationships. It helps no one.

I did my own divorce also..cost about $120 in court fees..and I downloaded the paperwork from the internet.

@birdingnut Exactly what I did and I had the same costs. Wanting to keep my property I also put a quit claim deed in with the paperwork and it was immediately filed after divorce court. I also did all my ex wife's paperwork coming here and she is a US citizen today. I should have become an attorney but was too stupid to see it. Recently I was behind everything that got my demented step father into a nursing home but he fought it all the way. Vocal about not wanting me as a POA he was OK with setting my daughter up in that position. She admits she doesn't know what she is doing and I guide her all the way.

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Divorce lawyers don't help much either.

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