I have never been a christian but i can say i was a stubborn youth, and if i had been born into a christian family who tried to take me to a church service -- well, let's say more than one -- i'd have balked. after a while i didn't even go to bar mitzvahs, and insisted on being left behind. (i now regret that; i might have kept in contact with more pretty cool relatives, once we all grew up.) but a couple times a year, i accompany my still-believing fiancé to shul, for the high holidays (coming up) or when they're going to read his dead parents' names. i don't mind. the sermons are very humanistic and i find them interesting. i like hearing the shofar blown. the quotations in the back of the prayer book are extremely thought-provoking. the prayers themselves get repetitious, and of course there's this whole god thing... but i can tolerate that. i just think of it as metaphorical, or perhaps a discussion of a fictional character. we don't read stuff condoning slavery. we read about how to be better to each other and take care of the world. okay, it says do it because this god thing wants us to, but just because a fictional character wants it, that doesn't make recyling, or helping the poor, or ending slavery (a large part of the point of passover) wrong. so i don't suffer as i might in a church, even though i am an atheist and hold no gods. i suppose somewhere there is a boring rabbi droning on about something in which i'm not interested. i have not met him or her yet. i'm lucky! then again, as i say, a couple times a year, not only to make my guy happy but because if it's not something i am compelled to do but something that is legitimately interesting, that helps. every week? no, i couldn't do that. make the sabbath? i would have to say a lot of god stuff in which i did not believe; i won't do that. it would be hard to see it as metaphorical under those circumstances. i feel sorry for you having the experience in church that you have, and hope you gain your freedom soon.

g