If/when I move back to River City, my plan is to go to a coffee shop frequently. Sit outside, read a book. Someone might walk up and start talking to me. Far better than a bar, or social media. My plan might work.

the trick is not how to make friends -- friendship kind of happens -- but how to be exposed to people who might become friends. when i was seven and a half and freshly moved (with my family) into a brand new neighborhood -- not just new to use but actually so new that some houses were still being built -- i walked around the block looking for children. sometimes i saw them in an upstairs window, sometimes on a lawn. i called out "wanna be my friend?" no one did. when i got two thirds of the way around the block i ran into a child almost as ancient as i, and asked her if she wanted to be my friend. she asked me if i liked animals. i did. she said she had a lot of pets and asked if i would like to meet them. i said i would. her pets turned out to be stuffed animals, and we played together, on her bed, every day, until her mother decided i could no longer come into the house unless i said i loved jesus christ. even at the age of seven i knew i couldn't say that, so that was the end of that friendship. so i can't recommend walking around your block calling out to folks your own age.

now about trusting people: trusting them to do what, or not to do what? how about browsing around here and finding someone who frequently makes sense to you and seems friendly. then you could message that person with a compliment or a greeting or whatever. "let's be friends" would not be the best approach. just take it easy.
it happens, or not. post stuff that interests you, or respond to posts that interest you, friendship grows, sometimes in the least likely places.

but if you want some suggestions how to get yourself into a mixed social situation rather than a specialized one (because specialized ones tend to focus so strongly on the specialty you really can't tell what ELSE there is about a person) then i suggest taking a class (in something you're interested in), joining a theatre group (even if you're shy -- it can help with that) or going to a political event (something smaller than a rally; i just went to a labor day bbq!) go for the thing itself, not to find friends. maybe a friend will find you!

good luck!

g

You wouldn't believe how common your complaint is I'm the same way I don't drink I don't like church I don't trust people on the internet I'm self-employed so I don't meet a lot of people I guess that's why so many people out there are lonely cuz even with 7 billion people on the planet is still hard to meet somebody LOL

Like you , it was hard for me to make friends , in part because I don't hang out in bars or churches . Here are some groups I tried : I volunteered at my local hospital , I put myself through college , I joined the Civil Air Patrol , I joined a couple of dance groups , I became involved with the Society for Creative Anachronism , I joined both Mensa and Intertel , I love reading and favor SciFi/Fantasy , so discovered Conventions built around these , I joined a LARP group , I found a local gaming store that provides gaming spaces every weekend . I also found that people active in a group are very likely to be active in other groups as well . One thing leads to another , as the saying goes . What are your interests . Start with things that interest you , sign up for a class . Check out the bulletin board at your local library . DIvorced ? Try Parents WIthout Partners . If I haven't hit something that interests you , yet , go to facebook and look up the local events listing - it shows what's going on around town each weekend . Once you've select an activity , make a point of approaching someone you think you may want to get to know . That's the hard part . Like horses ? Take some riding lessons . Like a specific kind of car ? My brother and his current wife joined a corvette group , and go on timed , legal limit , long distance "races ." How about motorcycles ? I'd love to hear what you choose to do , and that you follow through . Interested in cosplay ? There are groups for that ! Have fun , hon !

I hear ya, and I don't have the answers. I drink but hate bars and the people in them. Church is out. (I just ran off 2 Baptist men yesterday. Did not let them in and gave back their literature. I simply said "I don't go to church" and shut the door.) Old people groups are all around but I don't get off on discussing grandkids or what happened in 1902. Life was apparently easier in the 1950's but I don't want to discuss that either. I'm this 18 to 25 year old guy in this much older body. I'm not sure where to find someone that accepts that and I don't want to settle for anyone else. I'm lonely but not that lonely.

if you don't trust people your fucked sounds more like you want aquaintances you can make use of when you feel like it i doubt that would work as no one likes to feel used. What happened to your friends from you marraige? if lonely (though you say you,re not) a dog or cat can be a good surrogate and they never talk back, maybe draw up a list of why you want friends or don't and see if that gives you any clues mourning can go on for years and make you a different person from what you were before. good luck

I do not drink at all., and frequent bars all the tine because that's where the karaoke is! Always something to talk about..song choice, compliments, etc with strangers, and you all get to know? each other everywhere you go ( most places only have karaoke once a week...plus the DJ announces the singers' names.....
Be sure to tip the bartender for your club soda, fruit juice, or water, & you will be very welcomed!

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Yes as Julie says, whatever interests you have may have a local group or club which you could join. I myself sing with a choir...not attached to a church, completely secular. There are always local charities you could volunteer at, you will meet a lot of different people that way and be doing something useful at the same time. Meanwhile, you can make friends on this site by joining some of the groups. Just browse and join in the general posts too.

You might see if there is a Meetup group in your area with people who share an interest of yours. There are artsy kind, book reading kind, hiking and walking groups, etc. Do a search and see if anything interests you. Honestly, most of the friends I have today, I met originally through Meetup.