Ok, I finally got my chance to go see him. It was great to see him. He knows he's dying and we talked about it some. He has accumulated a lot of stuff in his life, and he's selling a lot of it off trying to get ready to leave his family without too much to deal with. He's a lifelong mechanic and car guru, somwe talked about cars and our mutual family. We even told each other "I love you" and hugged. I would have bet money that wouldn't happen. All in all, it was a good visit.

Life is terminal. Full stop.

Every moment we have is a gift, a moment of consciousness in an unforgiving universe that accidentally created the circumstances under which we could evolve and exist. These circumstances can be revoked at any time, whether it be a car crash, old age, a deadly disease, bad habits catching up to us, or a supermassive solar flare.

The only thing terminal cancer changes is that we get to find out how the terminal nature of this life will almost certainly manifest itself.

Make today special! As with any other day, you get this chance to impart meaning into this day, to share a moment of love and bonding with this other soul, to choose how your limited time will be spent.

Be there. Be real. Have fun embracing reality! And lean into the inevitable sadness and grief. A full, rich life includes the entire, rich tapestry of emotions. Acknowledge the white elephant in the room, and laugh at it if you can. Right now, there is no yesterday, and there is no tomorrow. There is only right now.

I’ve used variations of this quote
“Death is the stage of life in which we exist solely in the memories of others.”
In this regard there are no goodbyes- just good memories
Maybe this is the eternity religions speak of.

First of all, you need to know how the person with cancer views his situation...DO NOT ASSUME. I am a High Functioning Aspberger's Syndrome person with stage four (multiple places). At 75 years of age, I do not really give a rip that my life is likely over...I would have died from something in a few years anyway. I am a logical person, not one of you over-emotional whiners...I do not need or appreciate your sympathy, I have always known that I had to be born to get here and have to die to leave. Why that seems to be such a mystery to normal people is a mystery to me. If you want to do something for me, a nice cake, pie or home-baked chocolate chip cookies would be appreciated. In short, if you do not want to say or do the wrong thing, you are going to have to know what the person is all about. A 75 year old may have a completely different outlook than a 30 year-old with cancer may have. Do your homework.

Far more useful is to (attention: not "offer"!) run errands, do some laundry, dust/mop, walk/take the dog, even only once....cancer treatment makes you feel like dogpoop! Any little thing can ease the burden!
Useless People prefer "thoughts & prayers" because it means they can mumble something while they run Their errands & Voila, off the hook..........

I think your behavior in this situation should be dictated to a certain extent by your relationship with your uncle. You say you've never been close, but there is apparently some connection there. If he is local and if you have visited him socially in the past, you should continue to do so. I love what @Wisewoman3 said here. She gave her loved ones her time and companionship and spent that time together making them happy. In the end, that's what matters. For you, it's the memories you made with this person. For them, it's knowing you were there and that you cared. What you say is not as important as what you do. I hope this is helpful.

When my children died, I held them told them I loved them, and I would stay with them, and stayed until they breathed their final breath. When my mom died, I stayed with her, helped with her care, talked about our lives, and how much I admired and loved her. I thanked her for all she did for my sister and I, and I would always try to be the strong, independent woman that she raised me to be. After that, I just stayed with her, reading, listening to music, until she breathed her last. When my sister died, she wanted to listen to James Taylor, so we played every song he ever made and sang along. We all talked with her, and when she could not talk, we sat with her till her last breath. I t seemed they all wanted and needed something different, but, basically wanted to all be together, talk, and wait with them until death comes. I am a midwife, and over the years I saw that death is a process, just as birth is. It is a time of transition into the unknown. All of my loved ones who died, transitioned into death very peacefully. I was very honored to be with them.

I think you tell them you're there, you support them, and you love them. I think you talk about the things they want to talk about. I've been through this more often than I care to mention. You meet them where they are, and try not to let fear or ego take away from those precious moments. You say anything you need to say if you're going to regret not saying it. It's actually how I think I should be treating everyone, I just don't always until tragedy washes away the bullshit.

I really appreciate all the responses. It really helps more than you know. I had to laugh when it was suggested that I say "I love you". Not because it's a bad suggestion or wrong in some way, but you'd just have to know my family. If I said it, he'd probably have a heart attack and die on the spot. It's just not something our family says. That's another thing that makes it harder to know what to say in these situations.

Im so sorry. Can I help in any way?

Thats all you really can say. =/

Clearly you care about the man. I think a visit and a conversation thanking him for his role in your life would be appropriate. I don't think you need to refer to his impending death unless he brings it up. I would let him control the conversation. From my experience he will probably want to reminisce. I think you might be very sorry if you don't take the chance for a final visit. I think it will be comforting to you both.

I really don't believe there is any wrong thing to say. The important thing is to communicate how you feel and to offer whatever comfort you can.

Why say anything. Let the individual, and any who are directly affected, know that you are there, you love and care for them and will help in any way you can.

You tell them what they've meant to you.
You tell them that people will miss them.
You ask if they have anything they want to talk about or stories to tell.
You take notes if they ask you to do things for them or tell people things for them.
You ask what you can do to help ease their mind.
And you just listen.

Well, if you don't want him to die, you could tell him that cannabis oil cures cancer. Of course, his conventional doctor would object, so he would have to have someone else help obtain it. Doesn't require any special knowledge..just to take tiny amounts several times a day.

If he's already had his immune system destroyed by chemo, it might not work, though.

Link: BBC- Evidence is growing that cannabis cures serious diseases like cancer. [thehealthcure.org]

As someone who works with the hospice clients, I always says "I'm here with you." Most just don't want to be alone while in their last days.

I generally don't "go to" those I know are dying. I just don't, and I don't feel
like it's something anyone "should" do. Death is coming whether I'm there or not.
The last time I did, it was my best friend's mother.
I thanked her for being so good to me, and that I loved her.
I don't even know if she heard me.
I am not likely to do that again.