Polygamy, traditionally in our country, as practiced by Mormons, is one man with multiple wives. Polyamory is very different. It could be four women living in the same house all in a romantic relationship with each other and no men. There are multiple combinations of how a polyamorous relationship would work. And yes, you are right, in polyamory, there is not supposed to be any sneaking and deception involved.

I'm not certain humans (especially the male species) are naturally monogamous.

@Alicia_J There definitely is a pressure for them not to be monogamous but as a policy to avert violence we have chosen monogamy and produced civilisation from it. one argument I've heard from polygamists is that it was widely accepted in the tribes before the roman conquests but its pretty clear that they were violent and there was enough infighting to prevent real progress being made

Monogamy doesn't actually seem successful at preventing violence, IMHO.

Monogamy is more likely derived from selfish genetics, EG keeping your own offspring healthy and successful and not those of competing males.

We don't need to bow to evolutionary or social pressures; we can use reason instead.

@arnies "we can use reason instead" is how people end up supporting eugenics programs, careful where you tread man, replacing sexual selection with reason has taken people to many dark places.

@Gabriel I simply mean selecting your mate or mates using your own ability to reason.

@arnies Read kant, my dude (or don't bother and just watch youtube people talk about him)

@Gabriel Making the step from selecting my own mate to eugenics is quite the leap, wouldn't you say?

I studied philosophy in school, and I enjoyed it. However, philosophy and philosophers often make things sound reasonable when a reasonable person would find otherwise.

Also, listening to people talk philosophy on youtube might be useful if you actually know the works being talked about; it is today's soapbox and while useful for some things, it can lead you astray.

I was talking about domestic violence in monogamous relationships, and the freedom to choose my own mate.

Not the government, nor the church, or even my peers.

I know of a woman living in polygamy with two men. Works for them. (not religious motivation).