A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched in astonishment while they played. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen." "Nah," his friend replied, "he's not so smart. I've beaten him three games out of five."

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge saying, "It's not working. I can't take it anymore. I am going to my mothers."

I opened the fridge. The light came on, the beer was cold.

I can't figure out what she's talking about?

I guy went to the dentist and said how much is an extraction.He said we have 3 prices.The man said what are they.He said the 1st one is £200 . He said you hardly feel the injection,hardly any blood and no pain.He said what's the 2nd one . He said it's £100 . A little bit of blood,a bit of pain and the injections going to hurt a bit.He said what's the 3rd . He said it's £10. He said what's that then . He said The injection really hurts,there's loads of pain and loads of blood.The man said that's fine. Can I have the £10 one and I would like to book the wife in for next Tuesday.

I was watching television with my friend and there was athletics on. I said I prefer watching the field events to the track events. She said I was just being race-ist.

Compact On the Sidewalk

Carol and Patty were walking down the street. Carol noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror and said, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."

Patty said, "Let me look!" So Carol handed her the compact.

Patty looked in the mirror and said, "You dummy, it's me!"

Left Turn Indicator

On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tiplight. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.

"I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time."

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't return?

a stick

I bought a chess set the other day but I had to take it back to the store. The shopkeeper said 'Whats the problem' I said 'It tastes funny' He said 'what do you mean' I said 'its stale mate' He said 'are you sure', I said 'check mate'

Name of That Restaurant
Elderly Jokes

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great I would recommend it very highly.

The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns."

"Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"