Last part to my heart story. it does have significance here. in 2016 I had to have another heart cath to make sure all was good, nope, they found a 100% blockage of the widowmaker. I got to see it live on the screen, the only reason I didnt die is the blood forced itself around the clot long enough for me to have open heart surgery. I have the surgery with one bypass, wasn't really scared, I was ready to pass on, no fear of the dying part. everything goes great, spend the three - four days in ICU and then get shipped off to a nursing home for a month for recovery. I start getting winded really bad there any time I would stand and get sick and start passing out. a week later they take me back for emergency open heart to drain 850ml of fluid from around my heart and then drain my left lung sac(twice). I can remember two times in that nursing home in the middle of the night waking up and not breathing and laying there pushing that fucking call button over and over and then passing out and waking back up.
anyways, what I am trying to get at is the big question of why. I know it was the skills of all the people that worked on me and luck or what have you in my own body that kept me alive. it messes with me though because there are far better people out there that have died that deserved to live more than me that could have been better with their lives. I'm glad I lived, is this survivor's guilt? everyone I have talked to about this says "god's plan" or there is still something I am suppose to do with my life. I just don't want to leave my daughters fatherless or cause sadness and I feel odd because I accepted I should have passed.
sorry for the wall of text, this is something that really baffles me and would love input on how to deal with it. if I seem unappreciative that I am alive, I do appreciate that fact, it just has been difficult mentally. not looking for sympathy per se just advice or experiences. (sorry if I don't put this on the right catagory)
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.When Bill Paxton died it was reported that he died during bypass surgery (it was later reported he died from complications after a heart valve and aorta surgery). I was at my cardiologist for my regular follow-up appointment and we talked about his death. I mentioned that I was aware that I could have died during my bypass but was okay with the less than one percent mortality rate. He replied the mortality rate was great unless you were one of those less than one percent that died.
He had a point.
kiramea
Level 7
Feb 8, 2018
1
Try to write with more internally linked sentences and shorter paragraphs. As an old man with vision problems, just seeing a paragraph a whole page long discourages me from trying to wade through it. If you want more people to follow your posts, I encourage you to heed my suggestion.
wordywalt
Level 9
Feb 8, 2018
1
I would not presume to tell you how to deal with this...Only to let you know the sympathy I feel for you. What a hard journey that was.
So I ask you...do you know what caused this? Are there steps you can take, that you are taking, to counteract it? I'm sure you are doing this.
Best wishes to you and your family.
think-beyond
Level 7
Feb 8, 2018
0
@Dispirited I hesitate to offer my feeling on your diet because I am not a professional. So take what I offer as a suggestion to be investigated. Read the book, "Left for Dead" by Dick Quinn ISBN 0-9632839-0-1. Read it. (Cayenne with garlic.) In addition, I met a man who also was "left for dead" who discovered Vitamin E which turned him around. I gave up meat and feel so much better and I have added Natto with Serratiopeptidase. My holistic doctor prescribed Red Yeast Rice Capsules. All this in addition to Flax oil, Omega 3, etc that is generally known. There is a holistic cardiologist on line: dr. Stephen Sinatra. He has lots of tips. One is that there are 4 necessary supplements: Magnesium, CoQ10, L Carnitine and D Ribose. Interesting is that he claims D Ribose, if enough is taken, can add ATP right to the heart. Hope I haven't said too much. Hope it helps.
@Dispirited Thank you for your reply. I worried that I intruded. Best of luck.
@Dispirited I must add OXYGEN. You can drink oxygenated water. Let me know if you would like to know about a company selling oxygen drops for water.
I cannot speak from any experience anywhere near that. I, however, am appreciative every...single...day for having good health and the ability to enjoy life to the absolute extent I desire. I'm thankful for my daughter, my dogs, my family, my friends, for all of you here on this site from whom I can and have learned a great deal. And remember this, my friend, you have just as much right to live however you choose as anyone else on the planet. So, take care of yourself and relish in who you are and what you have.
Condor5
Level 8
Feb 8, 2018
1
Hmmm... I guess being put on a diet of pills and food and rest can take a toll on someone. Why you got lucky is the same near miss others get lucky.... i should of died 6 or 7 times. I got lucky. I had cancer and had it removed in time... I got lucky.... I met my wife.... I got lucky... yep.. I'm lucky
BucketlistBob
Level 8
Feb 8, 2018
2
Sounds a lot like survivors guilt to me.
I survived cancer but there were others there that didn't. My boyfriend's mother was diagnosed with colon cancer a year before mine. I had a very curable form caught early so I came through easily and she died not long after my treatment in part because her medicaid kept refusing to pay her treatment and she stopped going because her kids were putting the treatments on credit cards.
I felt some guilt because I had insurance and received top notch care
All you can do is make the best of this second chance you have in whatever way you can.
Lucy_Fehr
Level 8
Feb 8, 2018
1
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