I have a question for the ladies. Often while talking on the phone or to a lady tete a tete sometimes in closing, especially if it has been a pleasant or a casual business conversation I will use the term "dear" or "sweetheart" at the end or closing of the conversation. I have never had any lady respond negatively indeed their timbre is one of acceptance. Ladies, is this offensive to you? Guys, do you do this as well?
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I have to take into account the person saying it. Not everyone gets to call me dear or sweetheart.
silverotter11
Level 9
Dec 8, 2018
0
I don't mind it but I don't find it flattering either. I'd prefer my name. But mostly when I get "Dear" it's from older ladies and not men. There is a co-worker who I don't socialize with but we carpool - he calls me "baby" and "Sweetheart" and I don't mind. I still respond with his name though and no endearing terms.
Dandewine
Level 7
Dec 7, 2018
1
I have a couple of long term guests that call me "baby." They're both older, though, and it doesn't feel gross. I suspect if a younger short term guests used the same words I'd be skeeved out.
To be honest..I don't think that co-worker KNOWS my name so maybe a pass for him but we do wear name badges so.....
"Dear" makes my skin crawl. "Sweetheart" is entirely too familiar for business. Only my fella and my Pops are allowed to call me "sweetheart."
I spent years working as a programmer and am very sensitive to any kind of language that feels condescending, though. Because I experienced a ton of that in the business... "Alright, sweetheart we'll consider it" was code for "shut up, woman, no one wants to hear your opinion." Which, is unfortunate, because they were paying $200 an hour for my opinion.
Minta79
Level 7
Dec 7, 2018
5
...for me, I do not want to be called ‘dear,’ or ‘sweetheart,’ in business dealings! If I have known you for a time, I am ok with calling me ‘dear,’ or ‘sweetheart!’ If I don’t know you at all, call me by my name...that is personal enough!
Freedompath
Level 9
Dec 7, 2018
1
I am in the south and well seasoned. It seems so sad though that I should stop using the term(s). I mean nothing but respect when I use it. I think it might be a hard habit to break. In many cases I do not know her name (or remember it). Very seldom does a lady call me anything but the complimentary "Sir".
kgoodyear
Level 6
Dec 7, 2018
1
Maybe you should ask and /or remember her name and use it. Using dear or sweetheart makes a woman wonder if you do remember her name. I don't care for a man calling me dear, sweetheart, or other pet names until we have gotten more intimate.
...I think that you called your greeting, correctly, ‘a habit!’ Maybe, it started as a short cut, to addressing a female, who’s name you needed to learn?
@Wildflower @thinktwice I am fascinated by your response. It's good advice--except--I have a very hard time remembering names and I think maybe I may replace their name with Dear. If they have a tag on their shirt I use will use their name. Oddly, while courting or trying to "impress" a woman I will always learn their name very quickly and use it. I will usually quickly associate the name with something in life to help remember. It is not until much later that I will use the more intimate pronouns with her. I in turn like to hear her use my name as well. The problem is that it is usually at the beginning of a conversation that i get their name and then we have the conversation that is usually more important than her name and then I can't close the conversation respectively with their name or worse I use the wrong name (ugh!)
@kgoodyear I think I would rather say a wrong name than to give a wrong impression...
@Gwendolyn2018 Ouch!
All I will say is that for some reason, every guy that says that to me is 63 years old...
In a business context, it is condescending to me...it implies a familiarity that is not welcomed in a work setting.
In a personal setting, I find it endearing and like it...
I find it equally offensive when a woman says it to me, but I am tolerant as I think it is more of an age thing than one that is meant to offend me.
thinktwice
Level 8
Dec 7, 2018
2
Well, I'm 65....do i get a pass???
@kgoodyear ha ha...only because of age, and not because of any personal connection...I would tolerate it but probably cringe a bit...
@thinktwice I won't call you Dear if you won't call me a cab.... rim shot
@kgoodyear lol dear or even honey are used a lot in the South as is sugar ...I try to see how it is used, which is easier in person...most of the time, it is harmless, just people trying to be nice...it is tone that matters...and, uh, get with it, old man...we call Uber of Lyfts these days...ha ha ha ha
@thinktwice Uber.........got it!
@kgoodyear I am enjoying your posts...ha ha...keeps me on my toes...and learning from you and others as well...things that make you go hmmm?
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