I say this all the time. Electronically facilitated relationships are still relationships.
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Internet friendships have their place- a very small one in my life- but real friendships are the ones you call when you either need a ride to the emergency room or someone to call after you've already got there. A friend in need,....
TomMcGiverin
Level 8
Dec 17, 2018
0
I will never forget my stepdaughter (16 at the time) saying she had "hundreds of friends". I said, you DO know they are not actual friends, right? They're people on a contact list that FB markets to you as "friends". It's just another venue for social posturing. You have a half dozen REAL friends and they are the ones who would actually drop everything and come over to hug you if you were sad or upset.
She looked at me like I was crazy but in the ensuing decade I think she's managed to sort that out. Except that in my view she still puts way too much into online and casual friendships and too little into substantive relationships, even within the family. I think it's a way of avoiding intimacy. And I think sometimes this is what social media ends up being for many -- a shortcut to low-quality, low-commitment, high-convenience "relationships", and of quantity over quality.
By contrast her brother does not see the point of social media and the few relationships he has are deep and meaningful. I know which one I think is apt to be happier overall in life.
mordant
Level 8
Dec 16, 2018
0
I met my husband online 10 years ago. He's English and I'm Canadian. We talked that entire 10 years pretty much. We went through relationships together, we were the best of friends. It just so happened that a few years ago we had both left relationships and things sort of fell together. I am a big believer in meeting people (friends or partners) online, but I always recommend some caution.
lalune
Level 3
Dec 16, 2018
3
I have said [in real life] "I wanna put him/her/you in my pocket and take you home with me." ... I have not heard this regarding online [originated] relationships. I love the sentiment. Thanks for sharing.
Lillyfield41
Level 7
Dec 16, 2018
0
Friendships maybe, but in a romance Department I have serious issues with that. If you don't meet face-to-face it's not a relationship at all.
Kojaksmom
Level 8
Dec 16, 2018
0
Having experienced one of the best and deepest relationships of my life totally online, I must disagree.
@brainyactress same here. I wish people would stop trying to make all these "gatekeeper" rules.
@brainyactress Did you meet? Is the relationship still viable?
@PalacinkyPDX Sorry, I wasn’t catfished.
@Mike1947 No. if it had continued we would have brought it into mutual physical space.
@PalacinkyPDX exactly or secret Axe Murderer or weirdo or married or .......
@PalacinkyPDX that's true. I find that it's all fantasy. It's so easy to fall in love over the computer because you give this individual all the qualities that you want but often times they don't have in real life
Interesting post. I came across something a few years back. This guy was good internet friends with another older chap. They met on a cricket site but became good buddies. When the old guy died the young man want to his funeral. The debate was should he have? After all they had never met irl and him showing up could have at least perplexed the family. My view is yes he was right to go as all aspects of ones life should be celebrated at that time and his presence only added to the occasion.
273kelvin
Level 8
Dec 16, 2018
3
Everyone grieves in their own way. The funeral is not the place, in my opinion for anyone to judge connections. It probably would have been super (in my opinion) to meet up in real life before the death- but i'm a tactile person and prefer touching. (Not necessarily sexually) .... Having said that, if virtual worked for them, then that's all they needed. I am pre-internet and had a wonderful relationship with an international pen pal who i still have not met in real life. I'd like to think at any point, if i show up in his hometown, i'd like to see him and his family with whom, over the years, i've become acquainted.
@Lillyfield41 This was purely an online friendship. This might be something that you have / or will. We know that we will probably never meet irl but we have yet to set out any social etiquette for things like funerals. My view is that if you felt enough for person then you should go.
@273kelvin i agree. I know with my dads funeral i did not question any guest, i was grateful they came to pay respect.
I’m not saying it’s ideal. I’m saying it’s real. And when we lose those relationships, it hurts.
brainyactress
Level 7
Dec 16, 2018
2
"Ghosting",leaves scars,when thing are going well(you hope),and then nothing...... Maybe you were not a good "Fit"? Perhaps a family member objected and said you were a scammer? Who knows,why people stop the texting and e mails......
@Mike1947 I know exactly how and why it mutually ended. I’ve been ghosted by someone I’ve dated in person. That didn’t happen here. We could not continue. We’ve spoken since.
While I must agree they are real people and therefore friends the electronic connection still leaves me wanting presence. I need presence!
Deanervin
Level 6
Dec 16, 2018
1
Well, there's a girl in Sri Lanka that we never met but, in a couple of occasions, we ended up being there for each other in a time of need. It's strange how things may work in certain circumstances.
Paddypereira
Level 7
Dec 16, 2018
0
My problem is a have slowly lost/got rid of any "real and local " friends. And have no clue on how to make new ones..
hippydog
Level 8
Dec 16, 2018
1
Me too. It hurts to feel that it's so easy to disregard me ... But how do grown ups make friends?? I try to do stuff i like holing to connect with others, but honestly, i've become the girl who goes alone and leaves alone.
Go out to one of the local "Meet up" groups,many categories,wine tasting,camera clubs,going to eat out as a group,etc....
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