Agnostic.com

23 1

If you could have the love of your life, someone you have known and loved all your life, that happened to be very religious, would you consider being with them even though you were an atheist? What would be your biggest fears or considerations?

  • 9 votes
  • 15 votes
  • 17 votes
DavidLaDeau 8 Jan 15
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

23 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

5

I had a long, happy and fulfilling marriage until my husband rediscovered the church. He changed very quickly and we weren’t good enough anymore. I left as I won’t ever let myself or my sons be ever be made to feel less than. I won’t make that mistake again.

@VictoriaNotes That is very true. I have never wanted to own a woman, they just don't interest me if they are submissive, Give me a fiery, outspoken, pain in the ass anytime! They are what challenges my mind!

4

They could not be the love of my life if they were religious. It would never get that far.

Thank you. Glad I wasn't the only one. Lol

4

Impossible . The " love of my life " has to have brains .
If u mean , he becomes religious AFTER we ve been togheter and such , well , instant turn off for me . I will have to go .

3

If they are the love of my life they wouldn't be religious ?

3

My first husband was just as atheist/agnostic as I was. His family was very active in their Congregational Church. He wanted nothing to do with it. When I left him after 16 years he fell apart. He had a breakdown. I called his parents to come and bring him home. He got involved in the church and met some woman he married. They are ultra-religious now. My daughter Becky lived with them in Florida but I had to bring her back to NH due to abuse and neglect of her cerebral palsy. I would have absolutely nothing in common with my ex these days.

3

Can you respect their intelligence? Tough going if not......

Respect intelligence, Hell that is the only thing I am attracted to. Some intelligent people for what ever reason hang on to the myth.

3

If you want kids and don’t want them to have all the baggage associated with religion holding them back there is no way you could marry someone who was religious. This is a values question in the end

Myah Level 6 Jan 15, 2019

Heck I'm old 48 and our kids are grown up!

3

I have a slightly different situation. I met and worked with a girl in college (she was a year younger than me). She was living on campus and I was a commuter. We became good friends and we both liked each other very much and even invited me to come to visit her at home when the semester ended (she was living with her parents). I was going to go but at last minute I turned down her offer because of the distance (she lived about 3 hours away in South Jersey). I was still a Catholic at the time but she was a "Born Again" which kind of turned me off not that she pushed or spoke about anything religious to me. 40 years later times have changed and I'm an atheist now and living in South Jersey probably less than an hour away from where she lived. The internet shows she is still living where she grew up so I'm assuming she is nearby. I'm interested in looking her up and seeing how she is doing. Don't know what to expect but even if she is married I'm sure she would be tickled pink to know that I haven't forgotten about her. What if she isn't married and interested in me more than a friend? Could I really date her assuming she hasn't changed her religious beliefs? The religious diversity gap has widened even further.

Might have tracked down an "old friend" that way after 25 years...We shall see how it goes.

3

that just wouldn't happen. i wouldn't fall in love with someone who was very religious. that person would seem way too alien to me.

g

I understand. When one has loved someone all their life before religion became a factor it is different.

@DavidLaDeau that could happen i suppose. on the other hand, my guy, while not religious, does believe in some kind of god (he won't say what). we're jewish. i, an atheist, know more about judaism than he does, even though i was raised quite secularly and he was raised reform but not as secularly as i. so if he suddenly became quite religious it would doubtless be judaism to which he turned, and that wouldn't bother me unless he expected me to keep a kosher house or something. religious jews don't talk about religion all day long, and they don't proselytize, and they don't tell everyone else they're wrong or hellbound, so while it would definitely be weird, it wouldn't be as obnoxious as, say, my being in love with someone who suddenly became an evangelical christian.

g

2

Not a chance.

Howdy! One of my favorite peeps!

@DavidLaDeau Back atcha.

2

I could never love someone I couldn't also respect.

2

Absolutely not.
I don't respect anyone who believes in gods and religion.
No "love of my life" would be someone I couldn't respect.
I try not to spend any time around the delusional.

2
  • there are some situations where it may work if both make serious concessions. Not sure why someone would want to enter into a term relationship with that hanging over their head. It is tough enough!
2
2

If they were the love of my life and we'd known each other all our lives, I imagine we could find a way to work out differences of opinion regarding religion or politics or any other thing. It would not be the ideal situation, but I think I would try it. I prefer not to think of myself as closed minded enough to love my beliefs more than I would love "the love of my life" and I certainly would hope he would be the same way.

"the love of my life" is actually something that I believe is thrown around much too often. Much like "soul mates." But love can stand the test of time.

1

Easy piece

1

Nope.. cuz when the sheen wears thin, reality emerges ~

Varn Level 8 Jan 15, 2019
1

I have some religious friends that I can tolerate. Like atheists many of them are tolerant of other people's beliefs

1

Well... belief is a personal thing. I know I don't like being criticized or ridiculed for where I stand on organized religions especially so I do my best not to do the same.

I'm of the mind that sharing a life doesn't necessarily mean one has to do every single thing with the significant other. Having a few things is good, it keeps you together and grounded but I'd go stark raving mad if I had someone in my life following me around trying to do everything I do just to spend time with me. I mean it's appreciated that I'm loved that much but I smother easy.

That said, as long as that other person keeps that very religious idealism to themselves and their own personal practice, I don't really care. Go to church but don't ask me and don't expect me to go. Pray but leave me out of it and I don't need to hear it. If they are truly religious they would be doing what they do for themselves without trying to drag anyone else into it then it's all good. If I thought for one second marriage would mean I had to conform then no. Loving someone doesn't necessarily mean I have to be tied to them through marriage or living together or anything else.

AmyLF Level 7 Jan 15, 2019

This is very true, I however have a YouTube Channel and am very active in a number of groups. I have to balance shoving what I do in her face also, by just doing what I do as a hobby.

1

Yes, I would. I know such a person right now and she lives in Jersey. We have never met and each agree that we would marry the other. She says she cannot live in my state. My money would not even buy an apartment in her state. She likes Jersey and New York. I see lack of money as the problem and not religion. I've known her over a year and have talked to her on the phone up to 4 hours at a time. I do not see this working out as a marriage. It's simply a friendship in which she is my "secret wife." Even this relationship is better than no relationship at all.

It is always good to hear form you my friend.

@DavidLaDeau I was meaning to message you but too much was going on and I forgot. Hope all is well and I'll write you soon.

@DenoPenno I always look forward to hearing from you!

1

If they respected my beliefs and he wasn’t a fundamentalist, it’s possible.

1

That is tough. I answered "don't know" but I'm leaning towards "definitely". Of course, it all depends upon their religion, how religious they were, etc. If they were American fundamentalist, I don't think I could deal with it! If they were just "spiritual", or reform Jew, or Buddhist, I could almost certainly work with it.

How about a Mexican/ American Catholic? That fails to go to mass, but puts god stuff on every other Facebook post?

@DavidLaDeau For a lot of the religious hypocrites out there the only place god appears is on their Facebook posts. Compassion is scarce.

@DavidLaDeau Put this quote on your wall! "And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites. are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and. in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward" Matthew 6:5-6

1

Absolutely...assuming they agreed to disagree on religion. Compromises can be made. You know her inside and out and you should know from dating that it's a pretty rare find...
The only issue is do they need support for their religious beliefs? Can the practice their religion without affecting you.

lerlo Level 8 Jan 15, 2019

Or can you be an activist without affecting them or their families disagreement with your position....

@DavidLaDeau well you added the activist part but it's a reciprocal situation--she will not question your beliefs if you don't question hers. If being an "activist" is more important that your relationship with her then you answered you own question

@lerlo Well said. I am very serious about helping people that were in fundamentalist cults as I was. I have a Youtube channel dedicated to it. It would be much like being an unbeliever married to a preacher. It has happened and has worked as long as the atheist keeps their mouth shut in church!

@DavidLaDeau Thanks but the atheist shouldnt be going to church. Many religious people need their significant others to support their religious beliefs (maybe because they know they are b.s but if their partner supports them it's ok). If they are steadfast in their religious beliefs they don't need their partner going to church with them and that is always a requirement I make--no church for me.

@lerlo Actually I go to church on occasion, It always fills me with awe that I did and believed what they do. But I learn more in the two hours it takes for the service by studying Bible scholarship than they learn in six months!

@DavidLaDeau and you study bible scholarship why? Sounds like a little separation anxiety

@lerlo I use the Bible to speak with fundamentalist. Fundamentalist do not listen to reason or logic. The Bible is the only thing they will listen to. So I simply use the Bible. That is what my Youtube channel is all about. I am CompelledUnbeliever because I was Compelled BY the Bible to no longer BELIEVE in the Bible.

@DavidLaDeau whatever works for you 🙂

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:266093
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.