"Forgiveness" has been over-used and misunderstood. It doesn't mean letting the other person off the hook; it means letting go of the hold what they did has on you so you can live your life. To stay mired in your anger even long after they're out of your life means they still have power.

I don't forgive; I walk away.

Forgiveness should not be confused with affording trust. Letting go of the primal desire for retribution or even closure is one thing; trusting the demonstrably untrustworthy is another. I remember for example the pain my first wife caused me and our children, but it is not a source of angst or something I think about anymore, 26 years after the end of that relationship. I would not trust her if she wanted to get back together though.

With that distinction in mind, yes, we can "let them go and move on", and I think the main way this is done is by forgiving them and letting go of our need to see them "pay" for the wrongs they've done or even to recognize or acknowledge them. This doesn't mean that reconciliation and restitution should not be sought or accepted where it can be had, it simply recognizes that some people will never see the error of their ways or be capable of clearing the air, so we can't make that step mandatory before we can find peace concerning it. It also recognizes, as a practical matter, that we had a role in the dysfunction too, and we usually need to forgive ourselves for that role as well.

Nope. I will forget a mofo to the end of time...but not forgive. Depending on what was done, of course, and whether they express remorse, or might do it again.

For me a resolution can only come with some sort of understanding of what made the person act the way they did. By forgiveness, I feel that is an invitation to do the same or similar to me again, but acceptance of an apology, letting it go and moving on is the best I can do.

Moving on with or without the person interacting in my life is a question I'm dealing with today. I think pledging to be amicable while creating distance is likely going to be my solution for my current forgiveness/letting go issue.

Let it go, and move on.

(Posted earlier elsewhere) I ended a 60 and 56yr husband and wife relationship this year. They were my best male and female friends. It ended when I realized I don't need to service a dysfunctional relationship no matter who they are. Dolly Parton said 'you can't make old friends', but phooey on that shit. Just because you're used to someone doesn't mean the relationship is working for you. There can be no resolution when that would require someone change who they are. I made the same move 2.5yrs earlier when I fired my lazy wife. Its like taking a heavy backpack off and throwing it into the ditch as you walk life's highway.

No, I do not find it necessary to forgive others. I have no problem letting go and moving on.
Simply put, I find letting go easier than forgiving.

Letting things go, moving on, and living a happy life, as if the wrongs doen to us didn't make any difference, is often more devastating to the wrong doer than trying to take direct revenge. Nothing is more insulting (6to0 someone who deliberately did you wrong) than not letting that person have any real impact on your life.

It really depends on the situation. If you try to fit every peg into the same hole or even couple of holes you're missing more effective answers.

I would define what forgiveness means in each situation. Forgiving can mean saying that you are letting go of the pain that is associated with someone's actions. It is for you and you get to decide what has to happen before you forgive. You can expect an apology or compensation but you might not get what you want. In the end, remember that it is about you moving forward and not about them. Find the path that leads to your own inner peace. Often that means to let go even if they have done nothing to earn your forgiveness. Forgiving someone in this situation is akin to moving on but releasing your grudges towards them for your own benefit.

Moving on is easier. It means that you don't have to associate the issue or the path forward with someone else. That can still be complicated. You can still hold grudges and it can still create angst for you.

Thanks for responding. I think the question for me is...whats the difference between forgiving...and just letting shit go if not communicating forgiveness to another, or maybe achieving some perspective that they get a "pass" somehow. I don't believe others should get a pass unless they qre able to apologize, take responsibility, and ask directly for forgiveness. Otherwise the process is all mine to resolve the wound for myself so I can move on and avoid it happening again.

That is entirely up to you

Forgiveness is merely acknowledging that the offender had their reasons, mental illness, bad decision making, poor childhood models, traumatic experiences. Then never interact with them again until they change their behavior & accept responsibility. Few ever do. So keep toxic out & move on with your life.

I guess it probably depends on the situation. If it is ongoing and detrimental to you, then get away from that situation. If it is a petty grudge over human transgressions then probably let it go and carry on with the relationship however is appropriate. Everyone does wrong stuff sometimes. If everyone held everyone fully accountable for every offence no one would ever speak or screw again.

Nope. Just accept and move on.

This has always been a tricky topic with me. I used to be guilted into forgiving because it was drilled into my head that “God gave the ultimate example of forgiveness. He died for us!”

Do I forgive my step brother for molesting me for a hear and a half? No, but I have moved on from my life save the last remnants of ptsd associated with that. Do I forgive my biological relatives for causing religious trauma? Not yet because that wound is too fresh. Do I forgive my ex girlfriend for cheating on me? Yes, and I wish her the best and hope that she makes better choices now. Do I forgive my friends for ending their own lives, one doing so after killing her boyfriend? Not yet, but I still love my friends and cherish their memory. Do I forgive my grandfather for being a bigoted person who values his Bible more than his grandson? Yes, I do.

For me personally, I can still move on with my life even if forgiveness hasn’t taken place yet. Even now, I’m about to go place some sunflowers on a friend’s grave. Because despite the i forgiveness and the anger, she was an amazing friend, and knowing her was like knowing sunshine. Then, I’m going to watch the rest of the firefighters in this area put on a huge event, and I’m going to have the time of my life. Forgiveness isn’t there yet. But I’m moving on with my life.

I think we also forget that forgiveness comes in waves, and it’s a timely process. Be patient with yourselves, give yourself permission to be angry. Just don’t let the anger eat you up.

I was just discussing this with a friend and while we are in agreement that forgive and move on is the best approach there are some people that just won't allow that to happen, I think the clinical term is psychopath.
For those individuals the only sure approach to closure is to shoot them in the head with a silver bullet, drive an oaken stake through the heart, burn the body and then sprinkle the ashes over running water, all the while hopping up and down on one foot, patting your head and rubbing your stomach in a counterclockwise motion.
I'm told it really works.

Forgive them secretly and stay safe away from them...forgiveness is your process...to ease pain..... NOT LETTING PERPETRATORS off without punishment

I don't believe in "forgiveness". I've always believed it's nothing more than some "feel-good" concept made up by believers and co-opted by touchy-feely types.
As far as I'm concerned, you either get over something and move on, or you don't.
I've also found that telling anyone that they've been "forgiven", is nothing more than giving them a pass, and permission to do whatever it was again. And they will.

You don't need to "forgive" anyone. Let them go, and move on.